Okay well the title to this post has nothing to do with the contents.
okay, well Friend A is new this year at our school but I've totaly fallen in love with her.
Friend B has some faults but for a while last year was my best friend and also a crush.
Friend C I've known since elementary school although we've never been very close. I like her, she's nice and she's funny and she's older and we're kind of friends because I've worked really hard to get it that way.
Friend B & C went out last year, and friend A & B are going out now. Friend B is still in love with friend C and friend C has a secret. Friend A is completely head over heels for friend B, but friend B still sleeps in Friend C's bed almost every night (although "nothing" goes on).
This fucking pisses me off.
1. Friend A doesn't deserve to be smudged like this.
2. Friend B needs to get over Friend C because it will never be romanticly working between them.
3. Friend C needs to abolish her secret.
4. If Friend B can not stop emotionally being with Friend C she needs to end it with Friend A because Friend A deserves some one who can be all with her.
I like/love them all but this stupid triangle just pisses me off. I could knock out one of the legs and let it tumble down but a relationship should be between 2 people, and 3rd (or even a 4th) distorts things.
It's none of my bussiness, but they're all my friends.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Don't Worry.
Don't worry boy, soon it'll all be over with. She will eventually move on, and you will eventually be free. She will stop tagging you in notes on facebook, because she will have more recent news to share that you haven't been a part of. Don't worry boy, her girlfriends will scoop her up and keep her company, until another fella comes along. Soon enough her fingers will stop automaticly dialing your phone number, and your love filled texts will expire from her inbox.
Don't you worry, boy, she'll be all right. She's made of harder stuff than you might think. Sooner than you'd think, her tears will stop falling in the moments before sleep. You'll drift away from her night time wanderings, and your laugh will start to fade from the soundtrack she plays for herself. Don't you worry boy, because your name will finally stop stinging, and the label of how it reminds her of you will fall from everything she sees.
Don't you worry, boy, she'll be all right. She's made of harder stuff than you might think. Sooner than you'd think, her tears will stop falling in the moments before sleep. You'll drift away from her night time wanderings, and your laugh will start to fade from the soundtrack she plays for herself. Don't you worry boy, because your name will finally stop stinging, and the label of how it reminds her of you will fall from everything she sees.
Don't worry boy, she'll soon stop calling on you for memories.
Don't worry boy, soon you'll forgive her for breaking your heart.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Nine.
My gosh I wish I was part of the movie Nine.
Is it wrong that I'm 15 and wish I could only be this, if not just for a few moments ?
I wish I could command an audience,
could stirr feelings in every loins,
and walk tall with sexual confidence.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
"A Friend Of A Friend"
You know what sucks ? When a friend stops talking to you, for over a month. Then when you finally broach the gap without appologizing and tell them that it's up to them, and the ball is in their court. Then they come back and tell you that it's "not up to them" and that you can't just say that because it's also up to you to breach the gap.
But what she forgets is every time she gets mad at me and stops talking to me it's me that says first words.
It's always me who reaches out after you Jess, always.
But what she forgets is every time she gets mad at me and stops talking to me it's me that says first words.
It's always me who reaches out after you Jess, always.
Do You Believe In Santa Claus ?
Do You Believe In Santa Claus ?
On December 24th, 1914, on the Western Front of World War One in Ypres, Belgium, the war took a pause. The beginning of this temporary truce began with German soldiers decorating their trenches with miniature Christmas trees, complete with candles. As the candles became lit, so did the smiles of the men shivering in their trenches and they embraced the Christmas sprit.
The soldiers breached the boundaries with song, and “Stille Nacht” and “Silent Night” met in the middle of No Man’s Land. Soon soldiers followed behind the cover of the music and met each other half way between the trenches, between the opinions, and between the war. They exchanged gifts of whisky, jam, cigarettes and chocolate before retreating to their sides.
On Christmas Day the troops woke and ate a bountiful breakfast. After breakfast parties from each side crossed lines to collect the bodies of fallen comrades for proper burial. Some soldiers ventured into the void, and soccer matches ensued. Many soldiers crossed sides for the day, and ate their Christmas dinner with “the enemy”.
“That the guns may fall silent, at least upon the night the angels sang”
- Pope Benedict XV
Christmas is more than a day to receive presents. It is a season to make choices as to who you want to be. You may not believe in Santa Claus, but I do. Believe in the feeling of pride when you give someone a gift that’s been well thought out. I’m not so sure about Coca-Cola’s version of Santa Claus, but just as Christians believe it is their duty to preach the gospel, we need to spread the spirit of Christmas. The real Christmas doesn’t exist in Wal Mart but in our hearts.
“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more” –Dr. Seuss
You give gifts to your friends, to your family, and to your teachers, but why not include your community this year ? When you volunteer for your community, you give of yourself. Your community is your home, and a house divided will not stand. There are a number of ways you can help out this community season.
The Sooke Lioness Lions annual “Toys 4 Kidz” toy drive for local families has collection boxes in local businesses, including Shopper’s Drug Mart, SEAPARC, and Coast Capital. If you want to volunteer during the actual event you can contact Diane Kent in the Student Development Centre.
The Sooke Food Bank teams up during this event and provides Hamper Baskets full of food for Christmas Dinner. There are food donation boxes in Village Food Markets and Western Foods, which our school hampers will be fed into. The toy drive gives toys to approximately 475 children each year, and supports over 200 families with Christmas Dinner Hampers.
This Christmas season you don’t have to be a soldier in battle to remember to share Christmas spirit, and you don’t have to be in a World War. Each of us fight our own wars each day, and remembering this should be a part of your holiday compassion. It’s a time to forgive, and a time to remember. So whether you believe in God, in Wal Mart, or in Jehovah, don’t forget the spirit of Santa Claus this year.
“No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer.”
written for the EMCS Review Newspaper :)
On December 24th, 1914, on the Western Front of World War One in Ypres, Belgium, the war took a pause. The beginning of this temporary truce began with German soldiers decorating their trenches with miniature Christmas trees, complete with candles. As the candles became lit, so did the smiles of the men shivering in their trenches and they embraced the Christmas sprit.
The soldiers breached the boundaries with song, and “Stille Nacht” and “Silent Night” met in the middle of No Man’s Land. Soon soldiers followed behind the cover of the music and met each other half way between the trenches, between the opinions, and between the war. They exchanged gifts of whisky, jam, cigarettes and chocolate before retreating to their sides.
On Christmas Day the troops woke and ate a bountiful breakfast. After breakfast parties from each side crossed lines to collect the bodies of fallen comrades for proper burial. Some soldiers ventured into the void, and soccer matches ensued. Many soldiers crossed sides for the day, and ate their Christmas dinner with “the enemy”.
“That the guns may fall silent, at least upon the night the angels sang”
- Pope Benedict XV
Christmas is more than a day to receive presents. It is a season to make choices as to who you want to be. You may not believe in Santa Claus, but I do. Believe in the feeling of pride when you give someone a gift that’s been well thought out. I’m not so sure about Coca-Cola’s version of Santa Claus, but just as Christians believe it is their duty to preach the gospel, we need to spread the spirit of Christmas. The real Christmas doesn’t exist in Wal Mart but in our hearts.
“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more” –Dr. Seuss
You give gifts to your friends, to your family, and to your teachers, but why not include your community this year ? When you volunteer for your community, you give of yourself. Your community is your home, and a house divided will not stand. There are a number of ways you can help out this community season.
The Sooke Lioness Lions annual “Toys 4 Kidz” toy drive for local families has collection boxes in local businesses, including Shopper’s Drug Mart, SEAPARC, and Coast Capital. If you want to volunteer during the actual event you can contact Diane Kent in the Student Development Centre.
The Sooke Food Bank teams up during this event and provides Hamper Baskets full of food for Christmas Dinner. There are food donation boxes in Village Food Markets and Western Foods, which our school hampers will be fed into. The toy drive gives toys to approximately 475 children each year, and supports over 200 families with Christmas Dinner Hampers.
This Christmas season you don’t have to be a soldier in battle to remember to share Christmas spirit, and you don’t have to be in a World War. Each of us fight our own wars each day, and remembering this should be a part of your holiday compassion. It’s a time to forgive, and a time to remember. So whether you believe in God, in Wal Mart, or in Jehovah, don’t forget the spirit of Santa Claus this year.
“No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer.”
written for the EMCS Review Newspaper :)
Thursday, December 3, 2009
untitled
All the smoke is hazy
as I walk into the bar.
The lights are many colors
but still I cannot see far.
I thought I was running late
but it seems I'm just in time.
On the stage the show is starting
and the girl sparkles through the grime.
She spins her frilled umbrella
'round and 'round her head.
There are dreams behind her eyes
unfortunately long since dead.
She courageously strutts and dips
as I head towards my seat.
Now she's standing over me
and I'm looking at my feet.
The place it corruptly reeks
of marriages in their dead end.
There is a false hope hanging
just around the bend.
I really feel I shouldn't be here,
it's only for the girl I show up.
The men with their prying fingers
make me want to throw up.
I don't want to see her in the feathers.
I don't want to see her in the tassles.
I want to see her in the meadows.
I want to see her in the castles.
My arm shoots away from me,
and searches to find her hand.
"Let me take you away from here
love, come to a new land."
She smiles slowly down at me
"Darlin I'm gonna go far.
Don't worry about me,
babe I'm gonna be a star"
as I walk into the bar.
The lights are many colors
but still I cannot see far.
I thought I was running late
but it seems I'm just in time.
On the stage the show is starting
and the girl sparkles through the grime.
She spins her frilled umbrella
'round and 'round her head.
There are dreams behind her eyes
unfortunately long since dead.
She courageously strutts and dips
as I head towards my seat.
Now she's standing over me
and I'm looking at my feet.
The place it corruptly reeks
of marriages in their dead end.
There is a false hope hanging
just around the bend.
I really feel I shouldn't be here,
it's only for the girl I show up.
The men with their prying fingers
make me want to throw up.
I don't want to see her in the feathers.
I don't want to see her in the tassles.
I want to see her in the meadows.
I want to see her in the castles.
My arm shoots away from me,
and searches to find her hand.
"Let me take you away from here
love, come to a new land."
She smiles slowly down at me
"Darlin I'm gonna go far.
Don't worry about me,
babe I'm gonna be a star"
Friday, November 13, 2009
Newspaper Article (Howl Review)
"Team Jacob" ? "Team Edward" ? "Team I hate Twilight all together" ? Well if you've been looking for a vacation from Robert Pattison's pasty skin, you've finally found your spot. Our local theatre is currently hosting the musical Howl, a blessed oasis from the Taylor/Taylor hookup. Be prepared to howl when you're in the audience, be prepared to let your inner beast out.
Thom Southwood's musical is a welcome break from the sometimes cookie cutter vampire/werewolf tales that seem to plague us everywhere we turn. A love story with out the lovey-dovey, and a comedy without the cheese. You'll be transported into this well-rehearsed story by two fabulous hosts, Wolfgang (John Bidner) and Lychanstein (Joel Southwood) who will have you laughing as these two pinstriped suits try to bring "sexy back".
The cast is well balanced, with ages ranging from child to senior. And I must applaud this production for their amazing use of the stage. They use their sets amazingly well. For you theatre buffs out there, their levels are superb. You won't just see actors on the stage, but up on boxes, jumping accross benches and climbing stairs so high you'll have to crain your neck.
Most often in community or school theatre you run the phrase "nice try" through your head as the players on stage reach for new notes, ones quite beyond their ability. The hours of vocal training this cast has done is evident, and you'll be blown away with their ability. I was impressed note after note by Ophelia (Tessa Hanson) and EMCS' own Matt Geiger held his own as Howl. One of the things that brings this musical out of the pool of community theatre gigs is its tunage. Thom Southwood has strayed from the typical choir and big hair music often found in musicals, there's no show tunes here. All the songs are written for the play, and include beats relative to hip-hop.
Whether you end up rooting for Lone Wolf or Bane, bad or good, your decision will be complete as the actors transform completely into their parts. Through the make up and the costumes you won't be able to see the faces of your friends, but only werewolves and the innocent. Next year, I'm going to the Stage West Players for my Hallowe'en costume.
The doomed undercurrent of community theatre still runs under the floorboards of the stage, and the call for volunteers is a reminder of the small theatre company you're dealing with but by the end you will forget. Mrs.Maclellan would be proud, they reached their "senior level ending"
By Emily Percival-Paterson
Thom Southwood's musical is a welcome break from the sometimes cookie cutter vampire/werewolf tales that seem to plague us everywhere we turn. A love story with out the lovey-dovey, and a comedy without the cheese. You'll be transported into this well-rehearsed story by two fabulous hosts, Wolfgang (John Bidner) and Lychanstein (Joel Southwood) who will have you laughing as these two pinstriped suits try to bring "sexy back".
The cast is well balanced, with ages ranging from child to senior. And I must applaud this production for their amazing use of the stage. They use their sets amazingly well. For you theatre buffs out there, their levels are superb. You won't just see actors on the stage, but up on boxes, jumping accross benches and climbing stairs so high you'll have to crain your neck.
Most often in community or school theatre you run the phrase "nice try" through your head as the players on stage reach for new notes, ones quite beyond their ability. The hours of vocal training this cast has done is evident, and you'll be blown away with their ability. I was impressed note after note by Ophelia (Tessa Hanson) and EMCS' own Matt Geiger held his own as Howl. One of the things that brings this musical out of the pool of community theatre gigs is its tunage. Thom Southwood has strayed from the typical choir and big hair music often found in musicals, there's no show tunes here. All the songs are written for the play, and include beats relative to hip-hop.
Whether you end up rooting for Lone Wolf or Bane, bad or good, your decision will be complete as the actors transform completely into their parts. Through the make up and the costumes you won't be able to see the faces of your friends, but only werewolves and the innocent. Next year, I'm going to the Stage West Players for my Hallowe'en costume.
The doomed undercurrent of community theatre still runs under the floorboards of the stage, and the call for volunteers is a reminder of the small theatre company you're dealing with but by the end you will forget. Mrs.Maclellan would be proud, they reached their "senior level ending"
By Emily Percival-Paterson
what a fucking jerk.
my uncle called today and ratted me out for drinking, he somehow saw some incriminating photos on facebook. He talked to my mom, told her all about it.
What a fucking hypocrite.
when he comes out here next month, if he expects any conversation from me ... well he can just fuck right off.
I feel so betrayed, my uncle and I had always been partners in crime, we'd always play pranks and do things that my parents wouldn't have let me do. So much for that.
my uncle called today and ratted me out for drinking, he somehow saw some incriminating photos on facebook. He talked to my mom, told her all about it.
What a fucking hypocrite.
when he comes out here next month, if he expects any conversation from me ... well he can just fuck right off.
I feel so betrayed, my uncle and I had always been partners in crime, we'd always play pranks and do things that my parents wouldn't have let me do. So much for that.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Happy and sad
I'm happy, my problem has resolved itself ! There's nothing more relieving than skipping a death sentence, well not a death sentence but definetly a life sentence !
I'm sad because I'm not sure what's going to happen with my grandmother. Today my mom argued with her all day to try and get her to take her pills but she wouldn't. Still hasn't. If she can't take her pills she will die of a heart attack or a stroke. I don't know what to do, and neither does anyone else.
Today I went over to Eli's house with Hazen, Emily, Richard, Owen and of course Eli. Yuliya and Tyler were supposed to come but Yuls wasn't feeling well. I had a lot of fun, I like hanging out with friends, in a group !! Which I don't do often, but I like it. We should do it more :) Once I move downstairs then we can all go down there and chill and watch movies. This time next month, I'll be packing !!
I'm off to do some homework, and here's hopin my grandmother chooses to take her pills !
I'm sad because I'm not sure what's going to happen with my grandmother. Today my mom argued with her all day to try and get her to take her pills but she wouldn't. Still hasn't. If she can't take her pills she will die of a heart attack or a stroke. I don't know what to do, and neither does anyone else.
Today I went over to Eli's house with Hazen, Emily, Richard, Owen and of course Eli. Yuliya and Tyler were supposed to come but Yuls wasn't feeling well. I had a lot of fun, I like hanging out with friends, in a group !! Which I don't do often, but I like it. We should do it more :) Once I move downstairs then we can all go down there and chill and watch movies. This time next month, I'll be packing !!
I'm off to do some homework, and here's hopin my grandmother chooses to take her pills !
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Grrrrrrr, put up your dukes
My mom and I are fighting. Which to me isn't really hurtfull, just really annoying. My mom and I hardly ever fight, so this is usual. I'm not used to it. I keep forgetting I'm mad at her and then saying something friendly... FML. Totaly against what I'm fighting for. Which I'm not sure what it is...
I've got a problem, but I shant write it on here because it's not really a problem... yet. It's just the potential for a problem. I don't know how to feel about it. optomistic or condeming ? it varies. Anyways, this problem is getting to me and I appologize to everyone and anyone for my rude behavior as of late. Hopefully it will resolve itself soon enough.
Anyways, my mom and I are fighting. Which I have to say again, doesn't happen very much. Most of the time my mother and I are almost friends, pretty much. She doesn't realize how lucky she is that I spend time w/ her, that sounds very self-righteous of me but I just look at the people around me and think of the things they say to their parents and the things they keep from them... and I have to think that she's lucky. I could be so much worse. I say that as a threat, but really it's just a bluff.
Oh well, things will blow over and hopefully things will sort themselves out
I've got a problem, but I shant write it on here because it's not really a problem... yet. It's just the potential for a problem. I don't know how to feel about it. optomistic or condeming ? it varies. Anyways, this problem is getting to me and I appologize to everyone and anyone for my rude behavior as of late. Hopefully it will resolve itself soon enough.
Anyways, my mom and I are fighting. Which I have to say again, doesn't happen very much. Most of the time my mother and I are almost friends, pretty much. She doesn't realize how lucky she is that I spend time w/ her, that sounds very self-righteous of me but I just look at the people around me and think of the things they say to their parents and the things they keep from them... and I have to think that she's lucky. I could be so much worse. I say that as a threat, but really it's just a bluff.
Oh well, things will blow over and hopefully things will sort themselves out
Monday, October 19, 2009
Life to the root of abortion
So, I would like to just say that so far academically this year has been quite hard. Especially mathematics. My teacher is Mrs.Doniecki, and she's horrid. I find it hard to do the questions, when she doesn't explain them well. Her class is out of control, and no one isn't behind... actually I'm finally all caught up =]
Yesterday I spent 2 1/2 hours doing only math homework, and another 45 minutes today. Yesterday there was one question that stumped me, I couldn't get the right answer for the life of me... and eventually Onofre, Dave and I spent 20 minutes on this one question.
I went in to her classroom at lunch today, and she explained it to me. I get it now. Want to know why I didn't get it ?
Because she didn't explain to us the final step in the 4 step equation because she "didn't think we would need it" and when I told her "how could you have not thought we'd need it ? Why do you think so many people failed the test ?" she just said, "oops, oh dear".
"HEY ! TEACHER ! Leave those kids alone" - Pink Floyd
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I remember turning 10...
Do you remember turning ten ? I remember turning ten :)
It wasn't an especially good year, grade five. I learned a lot of hard lessons that year, but alas we all will eventually. For all the short comings that grade five had to offer, I distinctly remember turning ten ! I remember being super excited, I thought I was dope shit !
I don't know how many girls I had at my birthday party, but I remember playing Frisbee Golf and Jennifer Noble somehow injuring her leg. I remember sleeping in our huge tree house, and I remember that Annie gave me Mary Kate & Ashley dolls...
Yesterday Hazen's little sister Madeleine turned ten ! She's been so excited, waiting and waiting for weeks ! Her party was yesterday also, to which she invited me :) It was very fun ! I got her a beautiful boquet of flowers, her first, and my mom painted her a painting of their new puppy; Daisy. Charmaine (Hazen's mom) cried when she saw the painting, it was adorable.
4 other 10 year-olds arrived at 5, and we all ate pizza and they decorated pumpkins. Then the girls went swimming till about 8 and Hazen, Damien, Dean and I created an AWESOME haunted house downstairs. The girls were led through it, and we scared them silly ! It was actually quite fun.
Then we all had icecream cake, and the girls went downstairs and watched a movie while Hazen, Dean, Damien and I watched The Stone Of Destiny upstairs, cute movie btw. I wrote positive phrases on sticky notes and put them all around Maddy's mirror, and on the ceiling above her bunk bed I put two sticky notes that said "Goodnight lovebug"
Dean and Hazen drove me home at about eleven, I had had a great day ! Hazen was a bit grouchy, well not grouchy but not as happy as usual. Maybe he's just tired, but I really hope he's not getting tired of me.
Only 25 days or 602 hours or 36158 minutes until it has been a year :)
It wasn't an especially good year, grade five. I learned a lot of hard lessons that year, but alas we all will eventually. For all the short comings that grade five had to offer, I distinctly remember turning ten ! I remember being super excited, I thought I was dope shit !
I don't know how many girls I had at my birthday party, but I remember playing Frisbee Golf and Jennifer Noble somehow injuring her leg. I remember sleeping in our huge tree house, and I remember that Annie gave me Mary Kate & Ashley dolls...
Yesterday Hazen's little sister Madeleine turned ten ! She's been so excited, waiting and waiting for weeks ! Her party was yesterday also, to which she invited me :) It was very fun ! I got her a beautiful boquet of flowers, her first, and my mom painted her a painting of their new puppy; Daisy. Charmaine (Hazen's mom) cried when she saw the painting, it was adorable.
4 other 10 year-olds arrived at 5, and we all ate pizza and they decorated pumpkins. Then the girls went swimming till about 8 and Hazen, Damien, Dean and I created an AWESOME haunted house downstairs. The girls were led through it, and we scared them silly ! It was actually quite fun.
Then we all had icecream cake, and the girls went downstairs and watched a movie while Hazen, Dean, Damien and I watched The Stone Of Destiny upstairs, cute movie btw. I wrote positive phrases on sticky notes and put them all around Maddy's mirror, and on the ceiling above her bunk bed I put two sticky notes that said "Goodnight lovebug"
Dean and Hazen drove me home at about eleven, I had had a great day ! Hazen was a bit grouchy, well not grouchy but not as happy as usual. Maybe he's just tired, but I really hope he's not getting tired of me.
Only 25 days or 602 hours or 36158 minutes until it has been a year :)
Friday, October 16, 2009
Happy !
So today was a great day, with a bad ending. But, I won't let them spoil my day, my day was great.
I was sceptical about it, not sure if it would work out. The evening was riddled with traces of them and they're shallowness but it's all okay, I'm bigger than that. School was good, I met my Thai student, her name is Sang-Sang... and she thinks I am crazy for having so many piercings.
After school Hazen and I wandered around up Sooke for a while, and ended up in The Stick In The Mudd, only the best place on Earth.
We hung around, and played Squabble. We drank coffee and nibbled on delicious peanut butter nut bars. We found Yuliya, only to have her ditch us. Then we went up Sooke, and went to Alex's house. We walked in on him & Jenn... that was only a little awkward. Eventually we high-jacked them for a movie and headed into Langford.
We ate dinner at Romeo's, and kicked ourselves when the cheque came. One day, I will dine and dash... just not in my home town ish =]
Then we went and saw Couple's Retreat, and absolutely amazing movie. I was happy, almost the entire time! We got soaked in the rain, and we laughed until we almost cried. The evening was dotted by posers, and people I'm currently mad at. Oh well, I lift my head high.
We bussed home, and had fun all the way. We're all tired, but we're all happy. I'm happy, for the first time in a while. I'm completely broke, and need to buy a birthday present tomorrow ... I'll figure it out ! I'm broke, but it was completely worth it. I smile, genuinely.
I was sceptical about it, not sure if it would work out. The evening was riddled with traces of them and they're shallowness but it's all okay, I'm bigger than that. School was good, I met my Thai student, her name is Sang-Sang... and she thinks I am crazy for having so many piercings.
After school Hazen and I wandered around up Sooke for a while, and ended up in The Stick In The Mudd, only the best place on Earth.
We hung around, and played Squabble. We drank coffee and nibbled on delicious peanut butter nut bars. We found Yuliya, only to have her ditch us. Then we went up Sooke, and went to Alex's house. We walked in on him & Jenn... that was only a little awkward. Eventually we high-jacked them for a movie and headed into Langford.
We ate dinner at Romeo's, and kicked ourselves when the cheque came. One day, I will dine and dash... just not in my home town ish =]
Then we went and saw Couple's Retreat, and absolutely amazing movie. I was happy, almost the entire time! We got soaked in the rain, and we laughed until we almost cried. The evening was dotted by posers, and people I'm currently mad at. Oh well, I lift my head high.
We bussed home, and had fun all the way. We're all tired, but we're all happy. I'm happy, for the first time in a while. I'm completely broke, and need to buy a birthday present tomorrow ... I'll figure it out ! I'm broke, but it was completely worth it. I smile, genuinely.
"The meaning of life is
to give life meaning"
- Ken Hudgens
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
tearful with the rain
I don't know what's wrong with me today. I've felt like crying all day, and I'm not sure why... which is the scariest part. Some days I feel happy for no reason, just blissfully good and then some days I want to cry all day. I read my essay outloud in english and to make matters worse... I cried. Not like teared up, I cried. Like bawled. Like had to stop reading because I couldn't make any sound come out.
Afterwards she called me brave, but I didn't feel brave. I felt small, tearfull, weak, embrassed, exposed. I wanted to cry some more, I wanted to walk away and go to where I could cry without shame. I wanted to run away, and I wanted only Hazen to follow me.
Ever since reading my essay tears are only a second away from my eyes. Small things, like dropping something, or forgetting my book at school ; they're defeating.
All I want to do is curl up in front of the woodstove with a blanket and read my book. I would also love to have Hazen curl up with me, with his book but that's not possible so I will refrain from even thinking it.
Today I misplaced my replacement phone. How ironic. In my frantic state trying to get my essay printed off on our frugal computer system, I have left it behind somewhere.
I feel defeated, all I want is my book which is entombed in my steel locker.
Afterwards she called me brave, but I didn't feel brave. I felt small, tearfull, weak, embrassed, exposed. I wanted to cry some more, I wanted to walk away and go to where I could cry without shame. I wanted to run away, and I wanted only Hazen to follow me.
Ever since reading my essay tears are only a second away from my eyes. Small things, like dropping something, or forgetting my book at school ; they're defeating.
All I want to do is curl up in front of the woodstove with a blanket and read my book. I would also love to have Hazen curl up with me, with his book but that's not possible so I will refrain from even thinking it.
Today I misplaced my replacement phone. How ironic. In my frantic state trying to get my essay printed off on our frugal computer system, I have left it behind somewhere.
I feel defeated, all I want is my book which is entombed in my steel locker.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
happily exhausted
So I am officially a certified Standard First Aid Provider.
aka, the course is over ! it was actually one of the better courses that I've taken, and the young instructor made it a bit more fun. His name was Matt, and he treated the Baby Anne Dolls with surprising hostility haha
I got up early, and got my mom to french braid my hair, then proceeded into Sooke. After a quick stop at the corner store for some French Vanilla Capaccinno I was at SEAPARC for 830.
I had my 2nd lesson today, and it was amazing ! It went really well, and I know that Carrie was really impressed. I don't mean to brag, but my lesson is the only one that was up and running, learning things ! I've got 14 kids in my lesson, and they're all darling. "Bradly" is so cute, he's a quick learner and is the only one that talks. "okay is everybody ready ?" everyone else just shakes their heads nervously but "Bradly" does a little bunny hop and shouts "YES !". He's so cute ! And of course "Charlotte" tries so hard, and she gets so excited about telling her mom everything that she learned that day. She's so adorable, I just want to bring her home with me. All the kids are great, and the lesson went so well !
Then we finished off and I went back to Hazen's house, earlier than expected.We had the house to ourself for 3 or so hours, and it was really nice. To just be with each other, nothing between us.
Then we had a nice dinner, that we made =] well really all we did was put it in the oven.
And now I'm home, exhausted, but happily exhausted. Tomorrow is thanksgiving, it's also our 11 month.
aka, the course is over ! it was actually one of the better courses that I've taken, and the young instructor made it a bit more fun. His name was Matt, and he treated the Baby Anne Dolls with surprising hostility haha
I got up early, and got my mom to french braid my hair, then proceeded into Sooke. After a quick stop at the corner store for some French Vanilla Capaccinno I was at SEAPARC for 830.
I had my 2nd lesson today, and it was amazing ! It went really well, and I know that Carrie was really impressed. I don't mean to brag, but my lesson is the only one that was up and running, learning things ! I've got 14 kids in my lesson, and they're all darling. "Bradly" is so cute, he's a quick learner and is the only one that talks. "okay is everybody ready ?" everyone else just shakes their heads nervously but "Bradly" does a little bunny hop and shouts "YES !". He's so cute ! And of course "Charlotte" tries so hard, and she gets so excited about telling her mom everything that she learned that day. She's so adorable, I just want to bring her home with me. All the kids are great, and the lesson went so well !
Then we finished off and I went back to Hazen's house, earlier than expected.We had the house to ourself for 3 or so hours, and it was really nice. To just be with each other, nothing between us.
Then we had a nice dinner, that we made =] well really all we did was put it in the oven.
And now I'm home, exhausted, but happily exhausted. Tomorrow is thanksgiving, it's also our 11 month.
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Loving
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tired !
Today was a good day, I went to my first lesbian wedding. Congrats Winnie & Joe-Anne. I love the name Winnie, I think I might name my baby girl that. Along with Lilliana ! Winnie and Lilliana, and maybe a Hazen JR ? Hmm, I wonder if we'll get married.
I never let myself indulge in such a notion, I hated the girls that were like "I'm going to marry him. That's just the way it's going to be". yeah, what ever. I could see myself marrying Hazen, but I don't "know" it's going to happen. I would be okay with it, for sure. Although there's always a downside to only really being w/ one person your entire life... you don't get to have your "slutty summer" where you do things you wouldn't tell a soul haha
I bought Hazen a turntable today, it's pretty sweet if I do say so myself. We're having a few problems with hooking it up to an amp but we know it works b/c when you get a record player going you can hear it, very quietly. So it works, we just haven't figured out the wires yet. I bought it for him for our 11 month.
Now we don't do presents, not for Valentines, not for month-aversaries, only birthdays and christmas. But he bought me PIGS tickets last month, and I really wanted to buy him a record player, so I bought it for him for our 11 month. 11 months. holy fuck. I know what I want to buy him for our 1 year, but I'm not going to put it on here b/c there's a chance he might see.
11 months is amazing, it's much 5 months longer than I've ever gone out w/ anyone else. 11 months seems almost more important that a whole year, it's like turning 18, you're a legal adult, but you can't drink yet or go clubbing. You're almost there but the big 19 (or the big 1) seems so much closer, it seems possible. It hasn't felt possible until this moment.
Well I'm going to go to bed, I'm tired ! I've got to be at SEAPARC at 830 tomorrow morning for the final stage of my first aid course, along with work. Then I'm going over to Hazen's house once I'm done at 430. Hopefully going to get that turntable and msn for Hazen working !
I never let myself indulge in such a notion, I hated the girls that were like "I'm going to marry him. That's just the way it's going to be". yeah, what ever. I could see myself marrying Hazen, but I don't "know" it's going to happen. I would be okay with it, for sure. Although there's always a downside to only really being w/ one person your entire life... you don't get to have your "slutty summer" where you do things you wouldn't tell a soul haha
I bought Hazen a turntable today, it's pretty sweet if I do say so myself. We're having a few problems with hooking it up to an amp but we know it works b/c when you get a record player going you can hear it, very quietly. So it works, we just haven't figured out the wires yet. I bought it for him for our 11 month.
Now we don't do presents, not for Valentines, not for month-aversaries, only birthdays and christmas. But he bought me PIGS tickets last month, and I really wanted to buy him a record player, so I bought it for him for our 11 month. 11 months. holy fuck. I know what I want to buy him for our 1 year, but I'm not going to put it on here b/c there's a chance he might see.
11 months is amazing, it's much 5 months longer than I've ever gone out w/ anyone else. 11 months seems almost more important that a whole year, it's like turning 18, you're a legal adult, but you can't drink yet or go clubbing. You're almost there but the big 19 (or the big 1) seems so much closer, it seems possible. It hasn't felt possible until this moment.
Well I'm going to go to bed, I'm tired ! I've got to be at SEAPARC at 830 tomorrow morning for the final stage of my first aid course, along with work. Then I'm going over to Hazen's house once I'm done at 430. Hopefully going to get that turntable and msn for Hazen working !
toodles :]
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
"Today was a better day"
Today was a good day, and our bake sale made $165.95. Isn't that amazing ?
We are raising money for 2 highschools in Rwanda, who's principal came to us a couple of weeks ago to give a speach. Belmont Highschool so far has $300, well they've got atleast twice the student population so.. fuck them.
At lunch I hung out with Jessica, Dalton and Hazen which was nice. and after school Shaelee and I went to my ex place of employment... Stone Pipe Grill ; which is now Shaelee's current place of employment. Way to go Shaelee !!! I'm glad she got a job there, so now I don't have to listen to her bitch all the time :P haha jk
Then after appys and hiring with Shaelee we did of course what any girl would do with spare time up Sooke, we went to the Sally Anne. Hazen met us there after his guitar lesson with the oh so cool Jeff and then we walked back to his place, spilling my slushie in the process.
Today was a good and well-balanced day, full of smiles, giggles, cold, and amazing sunsets... oh and some family guy too.
We are writing personal essays in English, I could just write them all year. I think I might write one about how much and why I hate "Ben", and call it 2 inches because that's how close he came to taking away one of the most important things I've ever had.
Oh geez, I just looked up at the computer desk and there is cheesecake batter in the corner... a side-effect of Dave, Onofre and my food fight last night. It was fun, we laughed until we cried.
We are raising money for 2 highschools in Rwanda, who's principal came to us a couple of weeks ago to give a speach. Belmont Highschool so far has $300, well they've got atleast twice the student population so.. fuck them.
At lunch I hung out with Jessica, Dalton and Hazen which was nice. and after school Shaelee and I went to my ex place of employment... Stone Pipe Grill ; which is now Shaelee's current place of employment. Way to go Shaelee !!! I'm glad she got a job there, so now I don't have to listen to her bitch all the time :P haha jk
Then after appys and hiring with Shaelee we did of course what any girl would do with spare time up Sooke, we went to the Sally Anne. Hazen met us there after his guitar lesson with the oh so cool Jeff and then we walked back to his place, spilling my slushie in the process.
Today was a good and well-balanced day, full of smiles, giggles, cold, and amazing sunsets... oh and some family guy too.
We are writing personal essays in English, I could just write them all year. I think I might write one about how much and why I hate "Ben", and call it 2 inches because that's how close he came to taking away one of the most important things I've ever had.
Oh geez, I just looked up at the computer desk and there is cheesecake batter in the corner... a side-effect of Dave, Onofre and my food fight last night. It was fun, we laughed until we cried.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
first draft of my second personal essay
When you're a child discovering the majical worlds that books can offer you, you can often lose yourself too much. Care too much and love too much. When I was young my father would read to me and it is to him I blame for altering me so much with one simple mistake.
I am a striving English student, with many pet peeves. I sometimes appear to suffer from OCD when someone pronounces a word wrong around me, and I know why. I'm very picky about how writing sounds, about how names sound.
When I was very young my father brought a small red book, with a geeky boy standing in front of a steam engine on the cover, home for me. He told me, "Emily, every night before you go to sleep we are going to read some of this book, I will read to you and eventually you'll read to me." And so began the world of Harry Potter.
During the day I woul dplay Harry Potter, using branches for wands and I learned to write by copying out spells from the books and memorizing them. In Kindergarten I could write my name better than everyone and in grade one I could read, sure my spelling was worthless but I was literate before anyone else. By the end of grade two I could write cursive, no big deal. I amazed my teachers in school, they thought I was a genius but really I was just in love.
I loved Harry Potter, not the boy but the world. As soon as my dad came home I was begging for him to read to me, begging to live in the world I so much preffered. I loved the hours spent on the couch reading with my dad, it was the only thing we did together and the only thing we had in common. It was always me and Dad, Mom just didn't understand our addiction. Those hours were everything to me, but they didn't stop me from reading ahead without my dad as soon as I could.
I loved Harry for his strengh, Ron for his humour and his ginger hair, but most of all I loved Hermione for being one of the guys and holding her own. Sometimes I would pretend my friends Daniel and Clay were Harry and Ron, and I of course the mighty Hermione. She was my idol, my friend, the older sister I never had, the image I had for myself.
Now my dad isn't a reader, except when it comes to Harry Potter and when we read aloud to me he made a horrid mistake that neither of us would realize until much later. He called her Her-me-own. Her-me-own, my hero. That's how he said it so that's how I said it. She was Her-me-own to me and in the world I wanted so much I thought my heart would break. I have never since wanted something or someone so much as I wanted my own letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I wanted to go off to school and when I arrived and was sorted, into Gryffindor of course, I would walk over to the table and Her-me-own would offer me the seat next to her.
I was half-way through the fourth Harry Potter book (as it was a new release and I'd read all the others atleast threetimes) when the first movie came out. My father, mother and I went to the Caprice and I could hardly keep still I was so excited. I munched on my kids popcorn meal and it was almost gone before the movie even started. My family couldn't afford to go to the movies so this was an extra-special treat. The movie started and I thought my head would explode.
Twenty minutes in, it did.
"My name's Hermione, Hermione Granger"
Her-my-oh-nee. Not Her-me-own, Her-my-oh-nee. My heart was crushed and my world torn apart. I cried all the way home.
I cried for hours, I cried for days. She wasn't the person I loved, she was someone else. She was a frizzy girl with a frizzy name. She wasn't right, my idol turned out to be my tormentor. The world which I had spent years fabricating to include me no longer fit. It was no longer real and it was no longer possible. Without the possibility of Hogwarts there wasn't a possibility for me. I wanted to die, my world, my life was gone. It was the end of my first great love affair.
I boycotted Harry Potter for a while, tried reading other books but like a dog still in love with its abusive owner, I went crawling back. Eventually I got over Her-me-own, and got to know Her-my-oh-nee. I slowly sank back into the world but with less passion, without the fervour. Her-my-oh-nee was nice, but I missed the lust of Her-me-own.
Harry Potter was never the same for me, and when I turned eleven and no letter came only a few tears fell. J K Rowling's world has already used up its allotment of tears.
I'll never forget Her-me-own, and she is the reason thatyou must pronounce things right. She is the reason things must but perfect, because if you're going to build yourself a new world you don't want it destroyed on a mere formality.
I am a striving English student, with many pet peeves. I sometimes appear to suffer from OCD when someone pronounces a word wrong around me, and I know why. I'm very picky about how writing sounds, about how names sound.
When I was very young my father brought a small red book, with a geeky boy standing in front of a steam engine on the cover, home for me. He told me, "Emily, every night before you go to sleep we are going to read some of this book, I will read to you and eventually you'll read to me." And so began the world of Harry Potter.
During the day I woul dplay Harry Potter, using branches for wands and I learned to write by copying out spells from the books and memorizing them. In Kindergarten I could write my name better than everyone and in grade one I could read, sure my spelling was worthless but I was literate before anyone else. By the end of grade two I could write cursive, no big deal. I amazed my teachers in school, they thought I was a genius but really I was just in love.
I loved Harry Potter, not the boy but the world. As soon as my dad came home I was begging for him to read to me, begging to live in the world I so much preffered. I loved the hours spent on the couch reading with my dad, it was the only thing we did together and the only thing we had in common. It was always me and Dad, Mom just didn't understand our addiction. Those hours were everything to me, but they didn't stop me from reading ahead without my dad as soon as I could.
I loved Harry for his strengh, Ron for his humour and his ginger hair, but most of all I loved Hermione for being one of the guys and holding her own. Sometimes I would pretend my friends Daniel and Clay were Harry and Ron, and I of course the mighty Hermione. She was my idol, my friend, the older sister I never had, the image I had for myself.
Now my dad isn't a reader, except when it comes to Harry Potter and when we read aloud to me he made a horrid mistake that neither of us would realize until much later. He called her Her-me-own. Her-me-own, my hero. That's how he said it so that's how I said it. She was Her-me-own to me and in the world I wanted so much I thought my heart would break. I have never since wanted something or someone so much as I wanted my own letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I wanted to go off to school and when I arrived and was sorted, into Gryffindor of course, I would walk over to the table and Her-me-own would offer me the seat next to her.
I was half-way through the fourth Harry Potter book (as it was a new release and I'd read all the others atleast threetimes) when the first movie came out. My father, mother and I went to the Caprice and I could hardly keep still I was so excited. I munched on my kids popcorn meal and it was almost gone before the movie even started. My family couldn't afford to go to the movies so this was an extra-special treat. The movie started and I thought my head would explode.
Twenty minutes in, it did.
"My name's Hermione, Hermione Granger"
Her-my-oh-nee. Not Her-me-own, Her-my-oh-nee. My heart was crushed and my world torn apart. I cried all the way home.
I cried for hours, I cried for days. She wasn't the person I loved, she was someone else. She was a frizzy girl with a frizzy name. She wasn't right, my idol turned out to be my tormentor. The world which I had spent years fabricating to include me no longer fit. It was no longer real and it was no longer possible. Without the possibility of Hogwarts there wasn't a possibility for me. I wanted to die, my world, my life was gone. It was the end of my first great love affair.
I boycotted Harry Potter for a while, tried reading other books but like a dog still in love with its abusive owner, I went crawling back. Eventually I got over Her-me-own, and got to know Her-my-oh-nee. I slowly sank back into the world but with less passion, without the fervour. Her-my-oh-nee was nice, but I missed the lust of Her-me-own.
Harry Potter was never the same for me, and when I turned eleven and no letter came only a few tears fell. J K Rowling's world has already used up its allotment of tears.
I'll never forget Her-me-own, and she is the reason thatyou must pronounce things right. She is the reason things must but perfect, because if you're going to build yourself a new world you don't want it destroyed on a mere formality.
Monday, October 5, 2009
dancing around the house in boxers like an idiot.
Today I'm behind in my subjects at school, I've got an amazing amount of laundry to do, I miss Hazen like crazy, my grandmother is dying, I miss my best friend like crazy, one of my best friends is extremely sick, and I'm worried about quite a few of my friends.
Today I'm staying home from school, today I'm catching up on my subjects from school, today I'm folding laundry, today I love Hazen, today I will make every moment count w/ my Grandmother, today I will phone my best friend and tell her how much I miss her, today I will make a get better card for a good friend, today I will help people with their problems, today I will fix myself.
Today I'm staying home from school, today I'm catching up on my subjects from school, today I'm folding laundry, today I love Hazen, today I will make every moment count w/ my Grandmother, today I will phone my best friend and tell her how much I miss her, today I will make a get better card for a good friend, today I will help people with their problems, today I will fix myself.
I'VE GOT SOUL BUT I'M NOT A SOLDIER.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I'm just sitting, waiting, wishing you believed in superstitions
Didn't let go last night, maybe a little, but not really. I don't know what I want to do today, I know that I want to spend time w/ Hazen and that's about it. Today I don't work, which is great ! First Saturday in a while that I haven't worked but I might not be able to see him at all b/c my mother and I might go into Bictoria and do some shopping and such.... maybe get my phone fixed.
Maybe I can talk her into doing that Monday after school, today I want to ride my bike w/ Hazen into Langford!
Maybe I can talk her into doing that Monday after school, today I want to ride my bike w/ Hazen into Langford!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I feel the need.
Tomorrow I want to lay it all out, and let the fuck go. Too bad I can't do that at my house... hmm... I need some dope-ass plans for tomorrow night. I need some alchohal, and I've got a shitload of weed.
What to do ? What to do ?
What to do ? What to do ?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
SEAPARC
So my first shift went well ! 330 - 730 ; 5 hours ; $66
My knees hurt like hell, I fell on the ice instead of running over some little 7 year old punk who was endangering everybody w/ his skating. It's hard, to fall and get back up again... especially when you're staff.
I've only got one shift a week, which kind of sucks. I'm not the one w/ the least amount of hours though, so that's something to be grateful for. I'm sure as long as I work hard and make myself available my hours will increase. I'm just starting out new so I've got no senority, but that'll change.
I get into the drop in programs for free, which is a bonus. Maybe swimming some laps will be a bit easier. I need to work on my skating though, I don't want any kid to out-do me. I'm sure you're like "umm.. you're a skating instructor... shouldn't you be an amazing skater ?" yeah well you'd think so right ? but that's not the whole point of it, you just have got to be good w/ kids and you've got to be a good teacher.
Welcome to the SEAPARC team !
My knees hurt like hell, I fell on the ice instead of running over some little 7 year old punk who was endangering everybody w/ his skating. It's hard, to fall and get back up again... especially when you're staff.
I've only got one shift a week, which kind of sucks. I'm not the one w/ the least amount of hours though, so that's something to be grateful for. I'm sure as long as I work hard and make myself available my hours will increase. I'm just starting out new so I've got no senority, but that'll change.
I get into the drop in programs for free, which is a bonus. Maybe swimming some laps will be a bit easier. I need to work on my skating though, I don't want any kid to out-do me. I'm sure you're like "umm.. you're a skating instructor... shouldn't you be an amazing skater ?" yeah well you'd think so right ? but that's not the whole point of it, you just have got to be good w/ kids and you've got to be a good teacher.
Welcome to the SEAPARC team !
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Surfer Dude
So today I hung around the house, and watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy. I didn't do my homework, which I vowed I would do. I also went to Jordan River to watch Hazen surf.... twice.
It was my last shift at Stone Pipe tonight, which is kinda sad. I'm extremely tired so I'll keep it short, all I have to say is
It was my last shift at Stone Pipe tonight, which is kinda sad. I'm extremely tired so I'll keep it short, all I have to say is
I love the beach,
and my surfer boy.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Sittin at home, on a Friday night.
So I was supposed to get drunk w/ Shaelee tonight, but that fell through. So now I'm sitting at home blogging while she is getting wasted off my 2/6. FML.
Today I hung out w/ Hazen, some much neede time. We watched The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (only about 6 months over-due) and then goofed around for a while. It was good to catch up, I've been feeling very lost w/out him.
I'm looking forward to the Celtics game next weekend, I need to get drunk. I need to get out of my stupid house and be a teenager. All my friends are out livin it up and I'm sitting here thinking about things that aren't relevant.
Have you ever notice how many words are contractions ?
No Hair = Nair
Little Edge = Ledge
Not Ever = Never
Today I hung out w/ Hazen, some much neede time. We watched The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (only about 6 months over-due) and then goofed around for a while. It was good to catch up, I've been feeling very lost w/out him.
I'm looking forward to the Celtics game next weekend, I need to get drunk. I need to get out of my stupid house and be a teenager. All my friends are out livin it up and I'm sitting here thinking about things that aren't relevant.
Have you ever notice how many words are contractions ?
No Hair = Nair
Little Edge = Ledge
Not Ever = Never
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Do you want the good news or the bad news first ?
Everyone always wants the fucking good news.
I'd prefer the bad.
The Good.
So on Monday I walked into Sooke with Tuzzi, it was great ! I walked along the road and found out that Tuzzi is most definely scared of cars but maybe he'll get over it =] 
Then on Tuesday I biked into Sooke for my meeting, it was great !
I am really enjoying the physical activity, and the beautiful place that we live in. Here's my theory...
In order to be a whole and balanced person, you must use your body just as much as you use your mind.
So lately I've been crazy using my mind trying to achieve new things and trying to get things done. Going up and above expectations for my schoolwork in some subjects and trying my hardest only to fail in others. I've been stressing out about my life without any way to unleash it from my body... and then I walked into Sooke.
It was amazing, there are two moments that stick out for me. One when I came to a patch of the road that completely borders the ocean, like sometimes the road gets wet. I stood there and watched the water, it was so beautiful. The sky was orange in one corner and the rocks and trees were sillouhetted along with the spray. Then once I got into Sooke I was cutting through a trail which used to be a driveway, which used to lead up to the house that my dad grew up in. It was so astounding to stand next to my father's childhood home and look up at the stars as the bats flitted around me. I bet you he stood at that exact spot and watched those stars when he was my age.
It was amazing, there are two moments that stick out for me. One when I came to a patch of the road that completely borders the ocean, like sometimes the road gets wet. I stood there and watched the water, it was so beautiful. The sky was orange in one corner and the rocks and trees were sillouhetted along with the spray. Then once I got into Sooke I was cutting through a trail which used to be a driveway, which used to lead up to the house that my dad grew up in. It was so astounding to stand next to my father's childhood home and look up at the stars as the bats flitted around me. I bet you he stood at that exact spot and watched those stars when he was my age.
I haven't walked or biked into Sooke today, or yesterday which sucks. I would really like too but I have other commitments. I will take a walk up to the lake tonight though, clear my thoughts. I'm so glad that I've found this way of just letting go, of just creating balance w/in myself. And hey, maybe I'll lose some weight too !
The Bad.
I know I bitch about this all the time but I truly do miss Hazen. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. For those who have broken up there is always the goal that one day you won't miss that person so much, the point is that you've got to move on, got to get better.
For people who are in a relationship there usually is no missing, you see that person a lot. You hold them in your arms and store their kisses in your pocket.
I'm in a relationship where I miss him so much, there is no moving on, there is no daily decline of the ache there is only the ache and the need. The addiction. I am not even considering breaking up w/ Hazen, which makes the missing so much harder. If I missed him b/c we were no longer together then I would slap myself up and tell myself to "be a man!"
The worst kind of missing is the kind when you know where they are, they're in the same building as you or maybe even the same room but you can't be w/ them the way you want to be. I miss so much lazy afternoons spent full of eachother. I miss making love, I miss the way we are when it's just the two of us. Honestly, I miss being alone w/ him.
I don't see any let up, we'll hang out tomorrow night (which I am looking forward too, drunken pool-ness w/ a bunch of mostly naked teens ? fuck yeah), then we had plans to go to Earth Dance, a hippie music fest night, which were only loosely made but he's got guests tomorrow night and I'm working tomorrow afternoon. Damn. On sunday we might see each other during the afternoon but he's surfing in the morning and I'm working Sunday night... my last shift at Stone Pipe ??
I miss his stupid self. 
Sunday, September 20, 2009
there is no pain, you are receding.
So last night Hazen took me to the PIGS concert, it was fucking awesome.
Incase you don't know the PIGS are a Pink Floyd cover band, and if you don't know who Pink Floyd is get the fuck away from my blog.
They've got the full set; rythm guitar, lead guitar, basist, keyboard, drums, sax, vocalist and of course a full light show. The girl that does the vocals for the Great Gig In The Sky is absolutely amazing, and their lead guitarist's voice is perfect for Money and their basist... omg... he even looks like Roger Waters !
Dave and Sam (another girl from the exchange program) came along, as well as Dean & Damien. Poor Damien fractured his hip falling from a rope swing!
An explosion of Lampe.
So once I got home on Friday I was peacefully watching Tyra.... then Cara arrived.
GINGER
First of all I just want to say I love Cara Marks, she's so great. She's almost always positive and is super strong, she's been through a lot and yet she manages to smile all the time. Also she is so goofy and wacky, she honestly doesn't give a shit what people think of her and she rocks it... BAM. CONFIDENCE.
So we finished watching Tyra (it was super educational) and then we made some super awesome pizzas. Then we made the most amazing banner that has ever existed. I unfortunately wasn't smart enough to take pictues of it. It said
OHME. Even though you're a bone head, we love you.
Happy fete !!
for Miss Lampe =] an awesome birthday present if I do say so myself.
Then we went to Lampe's.
An hour late
but it didn't matter
b/c we had an amazing banner.
Then the fun started. I will give you an equation so you can figure out how much fun we had...
GINGER
+
LAMPE
+
SMILLS & CARA-BOMA
+
CHUNG
+
ARMY
+
AUDETTE
+
MEIKLE
+
BOOBS
=
&
&
the above picture is the explanation to why the Koreans didn't
start a war w/ Canada. It's simple.
We have lesbians.
"I'll get lettuce, pickles, olives and sweet onion sauce please"
So yes I do realize that this post is about something that happened two days ago but as it seems lately I'm just unable to get on the computer and therefore have days w/out posts and then days where it all backs up on me and I have several. 
Hazen bought me icecream, b/c every brave girl deserves icecream aparantly and we hobbled up to the bus stop. I caught the 430 community bus home and then just relaxed for a bit... and then Cara arrived.. but that's another post.
So, here's the first of todays about Friday.
Friday was a really good day, started out w/ English which is my favorite block. I love talking to Cara, passing notes to Lampe & Army and of course tickling Hazen's ear w/ my pencil when he's concentrating hard reading his book. The day trickled on, and my good mood lasted. It almost left in Art when I was really frusterated w/ my composition but it's all goood.
After school Hazen & I got a ride up Sooke w/ my mom, and grabbed some subway... well he did anyways. Footlong veggie on italian herb and cheese w/ lettuce, pickles, olives and sweet onion sauce. EW.
We then walked down to the boardwalk and sat on the bottom w/ our feet in the freezing cold and yet amazingly beautiful ocean while Hazen ate his sub. I stole some of it and fed the seagulls, which attracted an amazing amount of them which in the end was kind of a bad thing. Then we walked along the boardwalk and were going to hop the railing and continue to walk along the beach and try and find a spot to just sit, surrounded by nature and get away from everything from our daily lives.
So off I go first, and jump over the railing. Upon landing my ankle rolls and snaps. FML.
I appologize for feet photos.
I hate feet.
SO I'm kind of a pro at ankle injuries, I get them a lot. The ladies and the x-ray clinic know me by first name. So I'm crying 'cause it hurts a hell of a lot and Hazen's panicking b/c he doesn't know what to do. Eventually the pain calms down a bit and so does Hazen and we make it back up onto the board walk and start limping to the other end.
I couldn't stop crying. Wouldn't you agree that it's easier to not cry than to stop crying ?
Once you start everything that's been bugging you or weighing on you just comes rushing up to your mind and you can't help but to just stand there and pour it all out. So I did. I hugged Hazen and I cried like a little girl. I cried b/c of the pain, I cried b/c I felt I'd ruined our afternoon, I cried b/c of how Hazen and I have been strained, I cried b/c my grandma is dying, I cried b/c I don't like my exchange students that well, I cried b/c Shaelee cried, I cried b/c I just desperately want things to go back to the way they were in the sumer, I cried b/c I was exhausted. Eventually I stopped crying.
His shirt was wet, and we continued to limp along. We passe Ellie & Ivan who were enjoying the view just as we were. I faked a smile, I didn't want her to see I had been crying, it's one thing for Hazen to see me w/ my gaurd down but I try and be tough to the rest of the world.
I'd also like to say that I love jelly fish. This is a picture I took when my mom and I were in Galiano, I absolutely love it. I love jelly fish, and just to make the boardwalk hour and a half even more amazing, the waters were filled with jelly fish ! I realize that oceans filled w/ jelly fish are becoming a major problem but I still love jellies.
Hazen bought me icecream, b/c every brave girl deserves icecream aparantly and we hobbled up to the bus stop. I caught the 430 community bus home and then just relaxed for a bit... and then Cara arrived.. but that's another post. Thursday, September 17, 2009
I Miss You.
I miss Hazen so much. It's not fair.
I saw him today for a bit, we went for a walk after school up sooke muchin our way. Then Hazen went to the gym and I went home on the community bus. It wasn't the plan for the begining, but I felt that I was completely willing to wait half an hour by myself and get home late on the stinkin community bus if it meant a few stolen minutes with Hazen. It was sponatanious but I think it also shows how desperate I am for any time w/ him, especially since he's not allowed to hang out during the week.
I'm feeling like Hazen & I are a little strained, but I only feel that way when we're not together. When we're together everything is fine, it's just the two of us and when it comes to our relationship that's all it should be. I wish I saw him more, and at school doesn't count. Well it counts, but it's hard. We're together, enough to do damage, but not enough to heal. When we're together at school we're not quite ourselves, we are what we think is acceptable for the people that surround us. I can't kiss him like I want too, and I can't hug him like I want too.
This just 'aint working for me. I feel like we're stuck in this kind of limbo, well no that's not the right word. Not limbo but a medium ground, we're not away from each other enough to fight or to condone a "break" but we're not together quite enough to create total happiness in the indulgement of love and being w/ the person you love.
I know I bitched about not seeing him in the summer, but now I feel just stupid. I would trade anything to go back to that amount of kisses.
I saw him today for a bit, we went for a walk after school up sooke muchin our way. Then Hazen went to the gym and I went home on the community bus. It wasn't the plan for the begining, but I felt that I was completely willing to wait half an hour by myself and get home late on the stinkin community bus if it meant a few stolen minutes with Hazen. It was sponatanious but I think it also shows how desperate I am for any time w/ him, especially since he's not allowed to hang out during the week.
I'm feeling like Hazen & I are a little strained, but I only feel that way when we're not together. When we're together everything is fine, it's just the two of us and when it comes to our relationship that's all it should be. I wish I saw him more, and at school doesn't count. Well it counts, but it's hard. We're together, enough to do damage, but not enough to heal. When we're together at school we're not quite ourselves, we are what we think is acceptable for the people that surround us. I can't kiss him like I want too, and I can't hug him like I want too.
This just 'aint working for me. I feel like we're stuck in this kind of limbo, well no that's not the right word. Not limbo but a medium ground, we're not away from each other enough to fight or to condone a "break" but we're not together quite enough to create total happiness in the indulgement of love and being w/ the person you love.
I know I bitched about not seeing him in the summer, but now I feel just stupid. I would trade anything to go back to that amount of kisses.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
So much time has passed
I haven't been blogging for a while, and therefore I appologize for the excess. Times have been hard, tears have been spilt.
I am currently making dinner, I know I'm a great multi-tasker. The oven or furno is my partner in crime, my baby's daddy... it's his weekend w/ the kid.
School isn't as hard anymore, I'm getting back into the rythm. The only thing that I don't like about school and that I really am not enjoying is the not seeing Hazen much. I see him in class, but it's just a tease. I see his broad back sitting in front of me and I just want to push my desk out of the way and wrap myself around his strong shoulders. I want to kiss his neck and snuggle into him as deep as I can. But I can't, b/c we're in the middle of AP English for cryin' out loud ! I don't, but I want too.
Leadership is going well for me, we had a speaker from Rwanda in yesterday and we've commited to continuing to help his schools. I think that we should initiate a program where we buy them a CD player and then record ourselves reading books. Then we would send these tapes along w/ the books to Rwanda so they could listen and read in English. I'm sure there are dozens of grants that we could apply for that support illiteracy and such, I'm sure that it is possible. I'm sure that I want too. I'm sure they will get the books. They will.
I had two job interviews yesterday, and I've been offered one of them. The other said they would call me by the end of the week. I really want the other. I enjoy my current job, I just can't decide. How the hell did I get myself into this mess ?
It's time for me to go to work, I have responsibilities you know. Responsibilities that I sometimes feel I'm not up-holding. My responsibilities to Hazen, my responsibility to snuggle into his arms at every possible moment. God, I miss him... the him he is when we are just us.
I am currently making dinner, I know I'm a great multi-tasker. The oven or furno is my partner in crime, my baby's daddy... it's his weekend w/ the kid.
School isn't as hard anymore, I'm getting back into the rythm. The only thing that I don't like about school and that I really am not enjoying is the not seeing Hazen much. I see him in class, but it's just a tease. I see his broad back sitting in front of me and I just want to push my desk out of the way and wrap myself around his strong shoulders. I want to kiss his neck and snuggle into him as deep as I can. But I can't, b/c we're in the middle of AP English for cryin' out loud ! I don't, but I want too.
Leadership is going well for me, we had a speaker from Rwanda in yesterday and we've commited to continuing to help his schools. I think that we should initiate a program where we buy them a CD player and then record ourselves reading books. Then we would send these tapes along w/ the books to Rwanda so they could listen and read in English. I'm sure there are dozens of grants that we could apply for that support illiteracy and such, I'm sure that it is possible. I'm sure that I want too. I'm sure they will get the books. They will.
I had two job interviews yesterday, and I've been offered one of them. The other said they would call me by the end of the week. I really want the other. I enjoy my current job, I just can't decide. How the hell did I get myself into this mess ?
It's time for me to go to work, I have responsibilities you know. Responsibilities that I sometimes feel I'm not up-holding. My responsibilities to Hazen, my responsibility to snuggle into his arms at every possible moment. God, I miss him... the him he is when we are just us.
ela nome silencio
We sit at the dining room table, one on either side of the table; a game in the middle. The seeds travel from bowl to bowl, moved by nimble fingers. I stare at him, and he stares at me. We don't speak the same language and our names are foreign on each other's tongue. The game goes on, and we rejoice in our personal victories and smirk at the other's misfortune. It's all in the eyes. His big brown ones tell me all I need to know, and I can't help but to wonder what he finds in my blues. Sibling rivalry, that's what this is.
Dave comes upstairs and sits down at the table across from me, and beside Onofre. He is surprised we have started the game w/out the need for his translation skills, he is impressed. He turns to Onofre and begins to explain in Portuguese the purpose and the elements of a game he doesn't know but Onofre just holds up a long finger and says "I know".
Dave is more silent than us. The game continues. Looks and glances make up the conversation and a whole world passes between us and the game. It feels good to come together in comraderie and play a game, some friendly competition in a stressed out world.
The game ends, and Dave jumps in. Mom comes over, and they play. Dave loses spectacularly and we are all crying by the end from laughing too hard. Dave is a funny guy, and w/out him the house would be much more dull. Eventually I beat Dave, and Onofre laughs.
My eyes are heavy, and bed looks more and more appealing. I extend my hand to Onofre, and we shake. Good game, we both say. He smiles and I laugh, fun had by all. He goes downstairs and I off too bed, friends w/out a word passing between us.
Dave comes upstairs and sits down at the table across from me, and beside Onofre. He is surprised we have started the game w/out the need for his translation skills, he is impressed. He turns to Onofre and begins to explain in Portuguese the purpose and the elements of a game he doesn't know but Onofre just holds up a long finger and says "I know".
Dave is more silent than us. The game continues. Looks and glances make up the conversation and a whole world passes between us and the game. It feels good to come together in comraderie and play a game, some friendly competition in a stressed out world.
The game ends, and Dave jumps in. Mom comes over, and they play. Dave loses spectacularly and we are all crying by the end from laughing too hard. Dave is a funny guy, and w/out him the house would be much more dull. Eventually I beat Dave, and Onofre laughs.
My eyes are heavy, and bed looks more and more appealing. I extend my hand to Onofre, and we shake. Good game, we both say. He smiles and I laugh, fun had by all. He goes downstairs and I off too bed, friends w/out a word passing between us.
LGs
Do you know what bugs me ? the older guys hittin on the lgs.
So if you're not from 642 and have never heard of an lg than here we go, an lg is a little girl. but not just any little girl, a young girl who wears a lot of make up, waay to short skirts and waay too low shirts. A little girl who has succesfully turned herself into an older girl by changing the way she looks instead of the way she acts.
Now when we got into EMCS a lot of grade 9 girls started dating gr 10 guys, and even some grade 11 guys *cough*James Price*cough* but that was okay. I'll tell you why it was okay, 1. b/c the term lg hadn't really come around yet and 2. b/c the girls of our grade were considerably more mature than the ones in grade 9 this year.
I know you might be thinking, that's a little harsh and unfair. I really don't mind when people date people who aren't their age, it's quite common in fact. I've even done it myself a few times but it bugs me when the older person uses the fact that they're older to seduce the younger.
It wouldn't bug me if I didn't walk through the commons in the morning and see 4 or 5 groups of 6 or 7 girls surrounding by 1 or 2 guys in grade 10 or 11. They've got no confidence, it's not special. It's older guy showing off to girls they don't care about.
So if you're not from 642 and have never heard of an lg than here we go, an lg is a little girl. but not just any little girl, a young girl who wears a lot of make up, waay to short skirts and waay too low shirts. A little girl who has succesfully turned herself into an older girl by changing the way she looks instead of the way she acts.
Now when we got into EMCS a lot of grade 9 girls started dating gr 10 guys, and even some grade 11 guys *cough*James Price*cough* but that was okay. I'll tell you why it was okay, 1. b/c the term lg hadn't really come around yet and 2. b/c the girls of our grade were considerably more mature than the ones in grade 9 this year.
I know you might be thinking, that's a little harsh and unfair. I really don't mind when people date people who aren't their age, it's quite common in fact. I've even done it myself a few times but it bugs me when the older person uses the fact that they're older to seduce the younger.
It wouldn't bug me if I didn't walk through the commons in the morning and see 4 or 5 groups of 6 or 7 girls surrounding by 1 or 2 guys in grade 10 or 11. They've got no confidence, it's not special. It's older guy showing off to girls they don't care about.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I used to get high for a living.
So I'm absolutely in love w/ this instrumental piece called Ocean by JBT (John Butler Trio) and the only thing that I don't like about it is that I have no way to reference it in my facebook status, twitter updates or msn name. Like when you're listening to an amazing song you just put your favorite lyrics into your update and then everyone gets the jist of it... I wish there was some way I could put a miniature of the sheet music for Ocean onto the computer. That'd be wicked.
For any and all of you who don't know who JBT is and have therefore never listened to Ocean in particular ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VAkOhXIsI0 There you go. Watch it, all of it. It's amazing to the last second and you should wear a helmet also... to prevent the splattering of your brain.
So yesterday went allright, it was blazin' hot !! We all got up (me earlier than I would have liked, it's hard to sleep w/ a cold) and lazed around a bit. My mom left early and my dad left earlier so it was just me, Dave & Onofre (my appologies for spelling it wrong previously). We went in about 1 to the Fall Fair/Bike Show/Chilli Cook-Off/Sookeini Race. I think our little shin-dig blew their mind, espescially Onofre's. Dave ate more chilli than he could handle, and Onofre loved the photography section of the fair. We all voted for Brody's Dad's bike at the Bike Show and laughed as one of the zucinni racers blew up their zuc w/ an illegal firework. Hazen joined us at the Chilli Cookoff, so he missed the bikes but got to expirience everything else =]
Then we went back to my place after renting a movie (alien vs. predator), the boys went downstairs and had a nap while I whooped Hazen's ass at Spite & Malice ! Hazen's amazing, but when it comes to cards .... haha.
Then we ate dinner (we told the exchange students it was skunk... took them a bit to figure out it was ham) and watched Alien vs. Predator. Dave had seen it before, Hazen thought it was funny, Onofre couldn't understand a word of it but loved the action shots ... and I was scared shitless. It was great fun, and Hazen left 'round 10. I then dottled off to bed, still not feeling well.
When I woke up this morning I felt a lot better. I've just lazed around the house today. The boys are out volunteering... I was going to go w/ them but I decided sleep was more important haha. I've been listening to JBT on repeat for hours now and have have been talking to Tamara on the phone for almost as long, it's great to catch up w/ her !
I'm trying to figure out what the hell to wear... this is such an ordeal and I wish it wasn't. It isn't an ordeal except when I have to dress for work 'cause I have to follow a strict dresscode pfft. Jeans and a tee-shirt aren't allowed. I wish they'd just supply us w/ a uniform.
I believe my grandma is dying. No, it's not that sad. She has severe dimensia but in the last few days she's gone downhill so much. Her body is starting to fail her and she wages a constant war against her mind. I got out of the shower today to find her crying in the kitchen b/c it was her bed time and she needed to get back to her bed but she was lost. It was 1 in the afternoon and our house is small, you can see her suite from the kitchen. I'm a bit worried, she seems to really not be comprehending things as of late. I guess we'll just see, but there really isn't much we can do anymore. She's got severe problems w/ her ankles which makes it hard to walk but she won't do what the doctors say so it's just making things worse. My mom is tired of being her mother's parent, it's really wearing her down but now more than ever my Grama needs help but I don't know how to give it to her and my mom is on the verge of depression.
Thank God for JBT, who I never would have found if it weren't for Hazen so thank God for him too.
For any and all of you who don't know who JBT is and have therefore never listened to Ocean in particular ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VAkOhXIsI0 There you go. Watch it, all of it. It's amazing to the last second and you should wear a helmet also... to prevent the splattering of your brain.
So yesterday went allright, it was blazin' hot !! We all got up (me earlier than I would have liked, it's hard to sleep w/ a cold) and lazed around a bit. My mom left early and my dad left earlier so it was just me, Dave & Onofre (my appologies for spelling it wrong previously). We went in about 1 to the Fall Fair/Bike Show/Chilli Cook-Off/Sookeini Race. I think our little shin-dig blew their mind, espescially Onofre's. Dave ate more chilli than he could handle, and Onofre loved the photography section of the fair. We all voted for Brody's Dad's bike at the Bike Show and laughed as one of the zucinni racers blew up their zuc w/ an illegal firework. Hazen joined us at the Chilli Cookoff, so he missed the bikes but got to expirience everything else =]
Then we went back to my place after renting a movie (alien vs. predator), the boys went downstairs and had a nap while I whooped Hazen's ass at Spite & Malice ! Hazen's amazing, but when it comes to cards .... haha.
Then we ate dinner (we told the exchange students it was skunk... took them a bit to figure out it was ham) and watched Alien vs. Predator. Dave had seen it before, Hazen thought it was funny, Onofre couldn't understand a word of it but loved the action shots ... and I was scared shitless. It was great fun, and Hazen left 'round 10. I then dottled off to bed, still not feeling well.
When I woke up this morning I felt a lot better. I've just lazed around the house today. The boys are out volunteering... I was going to go w/ them but I decided sleep was more important haha. I've been listening to JBT on repeat for hours now and have have been talking to Tamara on the phone for almost as long, it's great to catch up w/ her !
I'm trying to figure out what the hell to wear... this is such an ordeal and I wish it wasn't. It isn't an ordeal except when I have to dress for work 'cause I have to follow a strict dresscode pfft. Jeans and a tee-shirt aren't allowed. I wish they'd just supply us w/ a uniform.
I believe my grandma is dying. No, it's not that sad. She has severe dimensia but in the last few days she's gone downhill so much. Her body is starting to fail her and she wages a constant war against her mind. I got out of the shower today to find her crying in the kitchen b/c it was her bed time and she needed to get back to her bed but she was lost. It was 1 in the afternoon and our house is small, you can see her suite from the kitchen. I'm a bit worried, she seems to really not be comprehending things as of late. I guess we'll just see, but there really isn't much we can do anymore. She's got severe problems w/ her ankles which makes it hard to walk but she won't do what the doctors say so it's just making things worse. My mom is tired of being her mother's parent, it's really wearing her down but now more than ever my Grama needs help but I don't know how to give it to her and my mom is on the verge of depression.
Thank God for JBT, who I never would have found if it weren't for Hazen so thank God for him too.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
umm .... pardon ?
So yesterday I went home at break, and slept for 2 hours. I was feeling really sick, but after my nap I felt a bit better. I got all my fall-fair entries in order and then Hazen came over. He'd been at my house for about 15 minutes when he got a call that he had to work that night and left soon after. That kinda sucked, but oh well.
I showered and then headed in to pick up the exchange students. We left at 530 (when we were supposed to arrive @ the church) but on the way we stopped b/c there was a squirrel in the road. We honked our horn to encourage it off the road but when it moved it was dragging its back legs. So we went over to Jennifer's house and got a bucket and a towel and went back for the little guy. We weren't able to find him afterwards, I felt really bad. Half an hour later we eventually made it to the church and met Dave & Enoufre (e-noof-fray). Dave talks a lot, but I think that was partly b/c he's super nervouse and Enoufre speaks hardly any English so he doesn't talk much at all. I'm sure by the time they leave I'll know quite a bit of Portugese.
I will post pictures of them as soon as I can, I keep forgetting to charge my camera battery.
This morning I woke up feeling more sick than ever. I took some cold medication and am going to try and find some one to cover my shift tonight.
I puked in the shower this morning, but don't tell anyone that. It's the fall fair, the chilli cook-off, their first day here and most importantly Hazen & my's 10 month. That's right double digits mofuckers.
I showered and then headed in to pick up the exchange students. We left at 530 (when we were supposed to arrive @ the church) but on the way we stopped b/c there was a squirrel in the road. We honked our horn to encourage it off the road but when it moved it was dragging its back legs. So we went over to Jennifer's house and got a bucket and a towel and went back for the little guy. We weren't able to find him afterwards, I felt really bad. Half an hour later we eventually made it to the church and met Dave & Enoufre (e-noof-fray). Dave talks a lot, but I think that was partly b/c he's super nervouse and Enoufre speaks hardly any English so he doesn't talk much at all. I'm sure by the time they leave I'll know quite a bit of Portugese.
I will post pictures of them as soon as I can, I keep forgetting to charge my camera battery.
This morning I woke up feeling more sick than ever. I took some cold medication and am going to try and find some one to cover my shift tonight.
I puked in the shower this morning, but don't tell anyone that. It's the fall fair, the chilli cook-off, their first day here and most importantly Hazen & my's 10 month. That's right double digits mofuckers.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Tie-Dye
so it's morning and I feel like shit. I got a really good nights sleep last night but to no avail, the ginger sneezes again. My throat hurts and my head is full and it's time to go to school. I just wanted to say why I'm going to school
1. Cara, Dominique, Lampe, Mara, Destany and I are wearing our tie-dye tshirts
2. I want to see Hazen.
3. I'm hoping Hazen can come over after, take care of me ??
The exchange students arrive today... GAAAH.
1. Cara, Dominique, Lampe, Mara, Destany and I are wearing our tie-dye tshirts
2. I want to see Hazen.
3. I'm hoping Hazen can come over after, take care of me ??
The exchange students arrive today... GAAAH.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
ginger snap ? ginger sneeze.
So school is interesting. I don't mind being back I guess but as I'm sitting in my classes I can't yet keep my mind focused... except in English. English w/ Mrs.Zanardo is my favorite hour (2 if I'm lucky) of the whole day. It's a great class, apart from being an awesome subject w/ my favorite teacher I've got a lot of friends in that class. Hazen (our only class together), Lampe, Cara, Shaelee, Kaitlyn and many more. I'd be great if Bekki were there too.
I like seeing everyone, for sure but I am finding I really don't enjoy my academics much lately which is something I used to love. I'm finding that I look forward all day to my English block, and math is actually my 2nd favorite. I know, holy shit right ?
yesterday was our first full day, and I got homework. Gaah Doneiki we're not going to get along if you keep this up. Then I went and hung out w/ Joe, my older brother. He's a commercial fisherman and is gone for months at a time. The night went as it usualy does, we all piled into the truck and went up Sooke. Hung around for a while and smoked some reefer. Then, as is the custom when it's a Joe & Emily day, we kicked everyone out of the truck (which gathers a lot of people... tailgaiting where ever we go) and headed into Langford. We had dinner at the Maygold Village and saw Inglorious Bastards... a good, if strange, movie.
I liked seeing Joe, it's always interesting. It's very chill. We ride around in his truck and he pays for everything. I liked seeing him but it was kind of bad timing since it was after my first day back at school and I was exhausted. On the way home I almost started crying at just how much I wished I was curled up next to Hazen under his warm covers, falling asleep in his arms. A few tears fell, unnoticed.
It was a good thing I saw Joe, 'cause he left this morning about 3 am. Today at school we started curiculum and I've got homework... it's English though so I don't mind. I'm feeling really sick, my throat is killing me and I keep sneezing. My mommy is making me some food since I just spent the past 4 hours helping her get ready. The exchange students arrive tomorrow... and it's time for me to do my homework and go to sleep... and yes I plan to be sleeping w/in the hour.
I like seeing everyone, for sure but I am finding I really don't enjoy my academics much lately which is something I used to love. I'm finding that I look forward all day to my English block, and math is actually my 2nd favorite. I know, holy shit right ?
yesterday was our first full day, and I got homework. Gaah Doneiki we're not going to get along if you keep this up. Then I went and hung out w/ Joe, my older brother. He's a commercial fisherman and is gone for months at a time. The night went as it usualy does, we all piled into the truck and went up Sooke. Hung around for a while and smoked some reefer. Then, as is the custom when it's a Joe & Emily day, we kicked everyone out of the truck (which gathers a lot of people... tailgaiting where ever we go) and headed into Langford. We had dinner at the Maygold Village and saw Inglorious Bastards... a good, if strange, movie.
I liked seeing Joe, it's always interesting. It's very chill. We ride around in his truck and he pays for everything. I liked seeing him but it was kind of bad timing since it was after my first day back at school and I was exhausted. On the way home I almost started crying at just how much I wished I was curled up next to Hazen under his warm covers, falling asleep in his arms. A few tears fell, unnoticed.
It was a good thing I saw Joe, 'cause he left this morning about 3 am. Today at school we started curiculum and I've got homework... it's English though so I don't mind. I'm feeling really sick, my throat is killing me and I keep sneezing. My mommy is making me some food since I just spent the past 4 hours helping her get ready. The exchange students arrive tomorrow... and it's time for me to do my homework and go to sleep... and yes I plan to be sleeping w/in the hour.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
EMCS
I'm not ready to go back to school. I'm going back to school feeling like I haven't accomplished the summer that I wanted. I haven't smoked enough joints, haven't downed enough bottles. I haven't walked along enough beaches, I haven't swam in enough lakes. I haven't spent enough nights camping, and I haven't shopped enough.
I've worked too much, and fought too much. I've spent too much time wishing I was somewhere else.
I wonder if this is how I'll feel on the eve of my graduation, "no, no, please. I'm ready to grow up, I just don't feel I've done enough childish things yet..." School is school but for me right now it's also a dissapointment. School isn't somewhere I hate, in fact I usually like school one heck of a lot but it means the ending of my summer and I'm just not ready for that yet. 3 months ago I thought that I'd have the best summer ever, full of drunken nights and warm breezes. I've done a lot this summer that I've liked, I've had a decent summer but I spent way too much time wishing I was somewhere else, doing something else.
And what do I have to show for it ?
I have a strengthened relationship w/ Hazen. and I guess I should just shut up b/c that's good enough for me
I've worked too much, and fought too much. I've spent too much time wishing I was somewhere else.
I wonder if this is how I'll feel on the eve of my graduation, "no, no, please. I'm ready to grow up, I just don't feel I've done enough childish things yet..." School is school but for me right now it's also a dissapointment. School isn't somewhere I hate, in fact I usually like school one heck of a lot but it means the ending of my summer and I'm just not ready for that yet. 3 months ago I thought that I'd have the best summer ever, full of drunken nights and warm breezes. I've done a lot this summer that I've liked, I've had a decent summer but I spent way too much time wishing I was somewhere else, doing something else.
And what do I have to show for it ?
I have a strengthened relationship w/ Hazen. and I guess I should just shut up b/c that's good enough for me
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Exhaustion ?
So I got my camera back. thank you so much Dad !!
I'm not going to blogg for very long, just give you a quick low-down.
today I got a lot of walking in. Walked from Stone Pipe to Hazen's, picked up my iPod and dropped him off some lunch, walked to SEAPARC and did my Skating Instructor's course for 4 hours. Walked from SEAPARC and met Hazen; then we proceeded to Subway then on to Markus's. Then I walked back to Work Link for the One Stop Shop, over to the doctor's, then up to the Church for a meeting.
1. I'm doing a Skating Instructor's course, and I'm loving it. Hopefully it can be a job for me !! Tomorrow we are teaching 3-5 year old's how to skate. I'm partnered w/ Carlee Hay... oh well. you win some you lose some.
2. Today was the first time I've seen Hazen since Saturday, we're not seeing much of each other these days.
3. I'm getting exchange students from Mozambique in 11 days !! (that's what the meeting was for)
Well I've done my homework, and uploaded my photos and now it's time for bed.
I'm not going to blogg for very long, just give you a quick low-down.
today I got a lot of walking in. Walked from Stone Pipe to Hazen's, picked up my iPod and dropped him off some lunch, walked to SEAPARC and did my Skating Instructor's course for 4 hours. Walked from SEAPARC and met Hazen; then we proceeded to Subway then on to Markus's. Then I walked back to Work Link for the One Stop Shop, over to the doctor's, then up to the Church for a meeting.
1. I'm doing a Skating Instructor's course, and I'm loving it. Hopefully it can be a job for me !! Tomorrow we are teaching 3-5 year old's how to skate. I'm partnered w/ Carlee Hay... oh well. you win some you lose some.
2. Today was the first time I've seen Hazen since Saturday, we're not seeing much of each other these days.
3. I'm getting exchange students from Mozambique in 11 days !! (that's what the meeting was for)
Well I've done my homework, and uploaded my photos and now it's time for bed.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
dont worry honey, you can rely on the old man's money
Today I went to Cowichan River w/ Lampe, and we leasurly floated our way down. I'm amazed at how much Jason really hasn't matured since the last time I was around him (last September..?) for any extended period of time. He really is immature, and so is Garrett, who he just had to bring along.
We had a great day drifting down the river, it was very relaxing and nice and warm. I was lovin spending time in my bikini (very liberating) and tanning while in the water. I love the water, there is freedom in the water. Everyone is weightless and graceful, it's a cool paradise and if I could I would live w/in it.
Afterwards we went swimming in Cowichan Lake, and floated around in the waves of the water skiiers. The floaties we had were a bit unstable and the water quite cold at first, and when I dumped myself in by accident my water-proof camera went sailing down to the bottom of the lake. If only I'd noticed. Well I did notice, half an hour later after floating around a large portion of the swimming area. Who knows where it is now ? All I know is that I don't have it, and the worst part is that even though it's in the water if only I could find it... it would be perfectly unharmed.
Now when I lose/break electronics I don't know why, but I have an especially hard time dealing w/ it. I'm filled w/ rage and I can't help but to think that I'm worthless, stupid, unable to keep anything. I felt like walking up to the first solid object I came to and slamming my fist into it. If Lampe and her family hadn't been there I would have. When I lose an electronic, or break it, I am overwhelmed w/ the feeling that I need to hurt myself, to punish myself in a way I can more easily handle. I can handle physical pain, it's the emotional loss I can't take.
I realize you're probly thinking that "she's making way too big a deal about an electronic" and maybe I am. The thing is that they're the only things I lose or break and they're the most expensive things I own. My parents don't buy me things, I'm not a spoilt girl w/ a rich daddy.I buy my own things, and that camera was $200 off UsedVictoria.com. My phone screen is also broken, which I must now take into Mayfair (maybe tomorrow) to get fixed... IF my warranty covers it.
I punched the wall, there's no more skin on my knuckles. It didn't help. It would've if I had done it when I was consumed w/ rage but by the time I got home I was exhausted and the anger had turned to tears. I'm consumed w/ sadness... and I'm fearing telling my mother. As if my own personal self-imposed punishment wasn't enough she'll no doubt be extremely dissapointed.
My camera is gone, my pictures that I needed for a birthday present for tomorrow are at the bottom of a fucking lake.
There's a million things going on in my life at the moment, and I just want to curl up and sleep forever. I hate it when people say "fuck it" just b/c they're going through a hard time. I'm admitting it, I'm going through a hard fucking time at the moment.
We had a great day drifting down the river, it was very relaxing and nice and warm. I was lovin spending time in my bikini (very liberating) and tanning while in the water. I love the water, there is freedom in the water. Everyone is weightless and graceful, it's a cool paradise and if I could I would live w/in it.
Afterwards we went swimming in Cowichan Lake, and floated around in the waves of the water skiiers. The floaties we had were a bit unstable and the water quite cold at first, and when I dumped myself in by accident my water-proof camera went sailing down to the bottom of the lake. If only I'd noticed. Well I did notice, half an hour later after floating around a large portion of the swimming area. Who knows where it is now ? All I know is that I don't have it, and the worst part is that even though it's in the water if only I could find it... it would be perfectly unharmed.
Now when I lose/break electronics I don't know why, but I have an especially hard time dealing w/ it. I'm filled w/ rage and I can't help but to think that I'm worthless, stupid, unable to keep anything. I felt like walking up to the first solid object I came to and slamming my fist into it. If Lampe and her family hadn't been there I would have. When I lose an electronic, or break it, I am overwhelmed w/ the feeling that I need to hurt myself, to punish myself in a way I can more easily handle. I can handle physical pain, it's the emotional loss I can't take.
I realize you're probly thinking that "she's making way too big a deal about an electronic" and maybe I am. The thing is that they're the only things I lose or break and they're the most expensive things I own. My parents don't buy me things, I'm not a spoilt girl w/ a rich daddy.I buy my own things, and that camera was $200 off UsedVictoria.com. My phone screen is also broken, which I must now take into Mayfair (maybe tomorrow) to get fixed... IF my warranty covers it.
I punched the wall, there's no more skin on my knuckles. It didn't help. It would've if I had done it when I was consumed w/ rage but by the time I got home I was exhausted and the anger had turned to tears. I'm consumed w/ sadness... and I'm fearing telling my mother. As if my own personal self-imposed punishment wasn't enough she'll no doubt be extremely dissapointed.
My camera is gone, my pictures that I needed for a birthday present for tomorrow are at the bottom of a fucking lake.
There's a million things going on in my life at the moment, and I just want to curl up and sleep forever. I hate it when people say "fuck it" just b/c they're going through a hard time. I'm admitting it, I'm going through a hard fucking time at the moment.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
droopingdreams; drooping ideals
I'm exhausted. Seriously. I've been busy, which has effected my blogging for sure... lessened it which I'm sure no one is opposed too lol
Yesterday I hung out w/ Tamara, she came over and we went down to the beach and drank a smirnoff ice and smoked a joint. Caught up on some stuff, and felt kinda weird just falling back into the 'ol habits. Then I went off to my Youth Council meeting which I enjoyed to see some of the people (Justin, Skye, Connor, Scott) and try and move forward w/ it but I was also a little frusterated, the Youth Council really didn't turn out how I hoped it would and by the end it was really just a negative frustration. I'm not giving up though, and I've got a bunch of ideas of how to make it better and that will hopefully be enough to not make me hate the entire program. It frusterates me how non-dedicated people are, and how little we seem to be able to accomplish. We weren't a driving force, in any sense.
After the meeting I went to see Julie & Julia w/ Tamara & Jessica Lampe. It was nice, although I found I socialized w/ Lampe more than Tamara. I'm glad that Lampe came b/c I was having a hard time being around Tamara, it just makes me miss her more... thanks Hazen for taking me through my breakdown last night on the phone. I think I will be fine once she's gone but I don't know how, but that girl weasels her way into my heart every time. One thing that gets me, her smell. I know, weird right ? well she has a very distinctive smell... and to me it represents friendship. I can still almost smell it linger on my comforter. I miss her already, and I'm extremely jealous that she's currently at the AC/DC concert.
We didn't get home from the movie 'till 1, and I talked to Hazen on the phone 'till atleast 2, more like 230 considering I started crying. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep since I had to get up early to babysit Dalton & Cale. It was a harrowing day, and I'm so tired. I'll be glad when this babysitting gig is over.
After babysitting Hazen & I walked up to where I used to live, and I showed him my favorite place in the world. I love that land, it's a land of majic for me. If I could have anything in the world, it would be ownership of that property. I would keep it exactly the same. I love it, the forest and the fields, the rusting barbed wire fence and the barn door that doesn't close properly. Hell I even love the falling apart well and all the broom. I feel like I've shown Hazen a lot of me today, and I wonder if he feels he knows me better.
Then we came back to my place, and I showed him the room downstairs. I'm most likely not going to be able to move down there until after the exchange students are gone which is really frusterating. I've worked my ass off on that room all summer, I don't want to wait 3 months to be able to enjoy it. Something my mom has gone back on her word about, but there's still a fight yet to come... I may move down there yet.
Then Hazen and I ate veggie burgers @ stone pipe, and he headed to work and I stayed and worked. I had to stay later than I needed too b/c the server I was working w/ was too lazy to set a total of 6 places (each requiring a whipe off, a napkin, fork & knife) so he made me wait until the families had gone home before I could leave. It took me 5 minutes to set the tables, and I stayed an hour later. I could have been at home sleeping.
So here I am, broke as fuck and needing to buy a lot of things. I'm going tubing w/ Lampe tomorrow which should be fun !! I'm excited, it's not anything I've ever done before. I will take lots of pictures, and eventually put the Galiano ones on. Now I sound like Shaelee "pictures will come I promise". Except for her it actually matters, no one reads my blogg. People read hers, so it matters.... she's just ever so more fabulous than me ! aah well, I'm too tired to care.
There are things I want, and things I need and no money for any of it. I don't get paid for another 7 days and I'm not sure how big that pay check is going to be. I hope it's decent, although I have my doubts. I need back to school supplies and clothes, my phone is broken (still usable but the main screen is black) so I need to get that fixed. Cara's birthday party is Monday and I don't have a present for her. I need money in order to be w/ Lampe tomorrow (40$), and there's a PIGS (best Pink Floyd Tribute Band EVER) concert next month that I would desperately love to go to. There's endless UsedVictoria.com options for Shaelee's christmas present, although maybe I should just let it go. Christmas is still far off, but I'd rather buy and give gifts than buy things for myself. Sounds cheesy, but I love gifts. They're my thing.
I'm exhausted, and am going to go and pass out... another early morning tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some shut eye before Hazen phones....
Yesterday I hung out w/ Tamara, she came over and we went down to the beach and drank a smirnoff ice and smoked a joint. Caught up on some stuff, and felt kinda weird just falling back into the 'ol habits. Then I went off to my Youth Council meeting which I enjoyed to see some of the people (Justin, Skye, Connor, Scott) and try and move forward w/ it but I was also a little frusterated, the Youth Council really didn't turn out how I hoped it would and by the end it was really just a negative frustration. I'm not giving up though, and I've got a bunch of ideas of how to make it better and that will hopefully be enough to not make me hate the entire program. It frusterates me how non-dedicated people are, and how little we seem to be able to accomplish. We weren't a driving force, in any sense.
After the meeting I went to see Julie & Julia w/ Tamara & Jessica Lampe. It was nice, although I found I socialized w/ Lampe more than Tamara. I'm glad that Lampe came b/c I was having a hard time being around Tamara, it just makes me miss her more... thanks Hazen for taking me through my breakdown last night on the phone. I think I will be fine once she's gone but I don't know how, but that girl weasels her way into my heart every time. One thing that gets me, her smell. I know, weird right ? well she has a very distinctive smell... and to me it represents friendship. I can still almost smell it linger on my comforter. I miss her already, and I'm extremely jealous that she's currently at the AC/DC concert.
We didn't get home from the movie 'till 1, and I talked to Hazen on the phone 'till atleast 2, more like 230 considering I started crying. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep since I had to get up early to babysit Dalton & Cale. It was a harrowing day, and I'm so tired. I'll be glad when this babysitting gig is over.
After babysitting Hazen & I walked up to where I used to live, and I showed him my favorite place in the world. I love that land, it's a land of majic for me. If I could have anything in the world, it would be ownership of that property. I would keep it exactly the same. I love it, the forest and the fields, the rusting barbed wire fence and the barn door that doesn't close properly. Hell I even love the falling apart well and all the broom. I feel like I've shown Hazen a lot of me today, and I wonder if he feels he knows me better.
Then we came back to my place, and I showed him the room downstairs. I'm most likely not going to be able to move down there until after the exchange students are gone which is really frusterating. I've worked my ass off on that room all summer, I don't want to wait 3 months to be able to enjoy it. Something my mom has gone back on her word about, but there's still a fight yet to come... I may move down there yet.
Then Hazen and I ate veggie burgers @ stone pipe, and he headed to work and I stayed and worked. I had to stay later than I needed too b/c the server I was working w/ was too lazy to set a total of 6 places (each requiring a whipe off, a napkin, fork & knife) so he made me wait until the families had gone home before I could leave. It took me 5 minutes to set the tables, and I stayed an hour later. I could have been at home sleeping.
So here I am, broke as fuck and needing to buy a lot of things. I'm going tubing w/ Lampe tomorrow which should be fun !! I'm excited, it's not anything I've ever done before. I will take lots of pictures, and eventually put the Galiano ones on. Now I sound like Shaelee "pictures will come I promise". Except for her it actually matters, no one reads my blogg. People read hers, so it matters.... she's just ever so more fabulous than me ! aah well, I'm too tired to care.
There are things I want, and things I need and no money for any of it. I don't get paid for another 7 days and I'm not sure how big that pay check is going to be. I hope it's decent, although I have my doubts. I need back to school supplies and clothes, my phone is broken (still usable but the main screen is black) so I need to get that fixed. Cara's birthday party is Monday and I don't have a present for her. I need money in order to be w/ Lampe tomorrow (40$), and there's a PIGS (best Pink Floyd Tribute Band EVER) concert next month that I would desperately love to go to. There's endless UsedVictoria.com options for Shaelee's christmas present, although maybe I should just let it go. Christmas is still far off, but I'd rather buy and give gifts than buy things for myself. Sounds cheesy, but I love gifts. They're my thing.
I'm exhausted, and am going to go and pass out... another early morning tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some shut eye before Hazen phones....
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Home never sounded so good
So I'm back from Galiano, it was great. It was nice to spend time w/ my mom. We read our books and hiked around the island. Re-connected w/ an old friend of hers, I got some cool stories.
We almost got attacked by squirrels and turkey vultures alike.
I missed Hazen like crazy, which put a slight damper on the otherwise perfect weather.
Today I went out for dinner w/ Hazen then we came back to my house and watched Adventure Land. I'll put some pictures up later, but right now I'm much too tired.
Tia and Shaelee might show up, and whisk me away into the night but I doubt it.
G'night !
We almost got attacked by squirrels and turkey vultures alike.
I missed Hazen like crazy, which put a slight damper on the otherwise perfect weather.
Today I went out for dinner w/ Hazen then we came back to my house and watched Adventure Land. I'll put some pictures up later, but right now I'm much too tired.
Tia and Shaelee might show up, and whisk me away into the night but I doubt it.
G'night !
Monday, August 24, 2009
The White Shell Beaches Call My Name
So today I am leaving to go to Galiano 'till Thursday w/ my mom. Just me & her, all week long. Hopefully it'll be fine and hopefully we won't fight... it would suck to get stranded on Galiano.
It's a beautiful island, one of the gulf islands existing between Vancouver Island and Vancouver.
So I won't be blogging 'till most likely Thursday night but hopefully when I get back this stupid stage will be over and I can go back to being a hippie w/ my lover.
It's a beautiful island, one of the gulf islands existing between Vancouver Island and Vancouver.
So I won't be blogging 'till most likely Thursday night but hopefully when I get back this stupid stage will be over and I can go back to being a hippie w/ my lover.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sharpie slash
I feel like crap, my head seems to spin and drag down my shoulders. I know I maybe shouldn't do this to myself but I'm desperate. I'm exhausted, and should really go to bed. There's a couple things going through my mind;
1. I fucking miss Hazen.
2. I'm broke
3. I'm going camping tomorrow, and don't have a book
4. there is this diet I want to try, but it involves eating meat and I'm not sure I could go back to that... or that people wouldn't hate me for it.
Until I figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, I shall continue to press my recently aquired self-destruct button.
G'night.
1. I fucking miss Hazen.
2. I'm broke
3. I'm going camping tomorrow, and don't have a book
4. there is this diet I want to try, but it involves eating meat and I'm not sure I could go back to that... or that people wouldn't hate me for it.
Until I figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, I shall continue to press my recently aquired self-destruct button.
G'night.
you're only a moment away, if ever there's a dream to live
So yesterday I went to the Skate Jam, which was pretty awesome. Once there I hooked up w/ Dylan, Aurora, Brody, Sammy and some other kid named... nope can't remember. It was really fun, we took part in the mural; painting panels w/ spray paint. It was really fun and it's definetly something that I could see myself doing in the future... I'm feeling very artistic at the moment.
I had to tear myself away eventually to go to work for 130. It was super slow, but I still ended up staying 'till 4. I was working w/ Carrie and totaly bugged her the entire time; it was fun. Once I got off, and Aaron showed up w/ my booze, Shaelee met me @ Stone Pipe. She filled out an application form, maybe we'll be co-workers !
Then we headed to her house, and proceeded to get drunk.
It was fun, we had some good laughs. Shaelee eventually fell asleep at like 1 in the morning... after we'd went to Steph's on an egg mission, juggled, almost fell down stairs, baked a cake, creeped facebook photos, and of course sang ridiculously bad on many videos.
Woke up early this morning 'cause of the dogs... no parents home to deal w/ which was good since we were spralled all over the place. We really didn't drink that much, but we got pree drunk.
This morning we ate the cake we made (only some of it) then creeped sexy halloween costumes and talked about how sex-less our lives are haha
At 1230 my dad picked me up, it was nice to see him. Although we live in the same house it doesn't really happen often. So now I'm here, feeling tired and really hungry and wishing I was a heck of a lot skinnier (a side effect of hanging out w/ the most beautiful shaelee).
I've got to go to work this evening, so a shower is most definetly in order.
My parents and I are most likely going camping tomorrow, and Tamara is arriving. We'll pass each other on the highway, I dont know if I'll see her this visit. I don't know if I want too, I know I'll just fall head over heels back in love w/ her as my bestfriend even for the short amount of time she's here.
Hazen's got to Tofino. I wish he could've come camping w/ me.
I had to tear myself away eventually to go to work for 130. It was super slow, but I still ended up staying 'till 4. I was working w/ Carrie and totaly bugged her the entire time; it was fun. Once I got off, and Aaron showed up w/ my booze, Shaelee met me @ Stone Pipe. She filled out an application form, maybe we'll be co-workers !
Then we headed to her house, and proceeded to get drunk.
It was fun, we had some good laughs. Shaelee eventually fell asleep at like 1 in the morning... after we'd went to Steph's on an egg mission, juggled, almost fell down stairs, baked a cake, creeped facebook photos, and of course sang ridiculously bad on many videos.
Woke up early this morning 'cause of the dogs... no parents home to deal w/ which was good since we were spralled all over the place. We really didn't drink that much, but we got pree drunk.
This morning we ate the cake we made (only some of it) then creeped sexy halloween costumes and talked about how sex-less our lives are haha
At 1230 my dad picked me up, it was nice to see him. Although we live in the same house it doesn't really happen often. So now I'm here, feeling tired and really hungry and wishing I was a heck of a lot skinnier (a side effect of hanging out w/ the most beautiful shaelee).
I've got to go to work this evening, so a shower is most definetly in order.
My parents and I are most likely going camping tomorrow, and Tamara is arriving. We'll pass each other on the highway, I dont know if I'll see her this visit. I don't know if I want too, I know I'll just fall head over heels back in love w/ her as my bestfriend even for the short amount of time she's here.
Hazen's got to Tofino. I wish he could've come camping w/ me.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Do I look like brocoli yet ? b/c I feel like I'm turnin into a great green monster
Today I got out of bed, and wandered into the shower. Eventually made it into the car and only slightly embarrased myself in front of Skyler... Jazzy's awesome brother. Him & my mom are doing a skateboard project together... 
Tyler, the lazy one
Walker & Chris =]
After helpin out w/ the skateboard project I went to Hazens... delayed b/c he had some other stuff he had to do, which was a bummer. We spent the day at Hazen's, and I semi-started to learn how to longboard ! Super cool since I suck... hardcore.
Then I went to work which was super busy. I was a good shift, although I was mega-pooched, and really busy the only thing that bugged me was when the 2 other servers & the bartender were doing shots and I was workin' my ass off on the floor. Fucking minors.
I got some takeout, which I kinda regret now haha then went to Hazen's. I gave him my jacket, and begged him to sneak over. No dice.
I miss him already, he's leaving tomorrow for Tofino... my little surfer boy.
I miss him already, he's leaving tomorrow for Tofino... my little surfer boy.
Tomorrow I'm sleeping over @ the most wonderful Shaelee's. I'm bringing the booze, and she's supplying the house & the marijuana. Good stuff. I'm glad to be hanging out w/ Shaelee, we haven't hung out in a really long time and her new budding friendship w/ Bri might make me a little jealous (hence the post title). I doubt she'll read this, so it doesn't matter. God I miss having a best friend... oh on that note Tamara's coming home for a visit on Monday and I might not even see her.
ouchies. it's contagious.
So yesterday was as great as I was hoping that it would be !
also notice the new gauges !
Lunch w/ my sister was great, it'd be a long time since I'd seen her and her & my mom (step-mom to her) worked out a lot of stuff =] I couldn't help but to interject a little "awwe look at this little bonding moment". It was great.
Then we went to Pair 'O Dice aaaand I got 2 new piercings ! Well there's 2 holes, only kind of one piercing.
I present to you ... THE INDUSTRIAL
also notice the new gauges !I also got a ring put in my nose (see top picture !). My mom cried, I was like "come on !". But I guess I get that parents spend all their time trying to keep their children safe and then we just go and punch holes in ourself !
After piercings I went to Lyle's Place and bought Alex's birthday present, a DISTURBED tee shirt which he loved.
Then we headed back to Sooke, after a quick stop @ Starbucks, and I bought a card for Alex. Then I walked over to Alex's. The party was okay, kind of boring for the first part. Bekki and I livened it up a bit by pouring water on Alex and there was a few pretty funny rounds of Boche Ball !
At 6 or so Hazen showed up, which just made everything better =]
We went to Sooke Elementary and fooled around on the play equiptment, and then in the field. All of us together, wrestlin and playin football and such. We went back to Alex's and I spent a good cuddle on Hazen's lap in a lawn chair. Then we played football which eventually turned into Full Tackle British Bulldog, which was fun. I would often get spectacularly tackled to the ground by Hazen only to be smothered w/ kisses.
It was a fun night, especially after the sun went down !
Thursday, August 20, 2009
dooooown town (8)
So yesterday I didn't do much, painted, hopped on the community bus and met hazen, got icecream, got part of Alex's birthday present, walked to Hazen's, had an icecream fight, went to work, watched Law & Order SVU then went to bed.
Couldn't sleep last night, these darn stretchers ! I can't lay on my side; which is how I sleep ! aaah bummer. So after I got off the phone w/ Hazen I tossed and turned... I think I got maybe an hour or 2 of sleep w/ all the moments I drifted off put together. I'm sleeping downstairs, which is fun !
I'm up early today, and am heading into town w/ my mom to go and see my sister. We're going to shop, then have lunch. I might get my bar peircing !! Then after lunch we are going back to little 'ol Sooke for Alex's birthday party. It should be fun, haven't seen anyone all summer !
Hazen & I are doing a joint-birthday present...
1. a massive bag of peanut m&ms
2. a system of a down cd
3. a DISTURBED (it's a band) tee shirt
4. an awesome card
wooooooot !
I'm looking forward to seeing my sister, it's been a while. But even more so I'm looking forward to seeing Hazen; we really just haven't had enough time together lately.
Couldn't sleep last night, these darn stretchers ! I can't lay on my side; which is how I sleep ! aaah bummer. So after I got off the phone w/ Hazen I tossed and turned... I think I got maybe an hour or 2 of sleep w/ all the moments I drifted off put together. I'm sleeping downstairs, which is fun !
I'm up early today, and am heading into town w/ my mom to go and see my sister. We're going to shop, then have lunch. I might get my bar peircing !! Then after lunch we are going back to little 'ol Sooke for Alex's birthday party. It should be fun, haven't seen anyone all summer !
Hazen & I are doing a joint-birthday present...
1. a massive bag of peanut m&ms
2. a system of a down cd
3. a DISTURBED (it's a band) tee shirt
4. an awesome card
wooooooot !
I'm looking forward to seeing my sister, it's been a while. But even more so I'm looking forward to seeing Hazen; we really just haven't had enough time together lately.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
high topssss
I know, I know ! You're thinking "what the heck is w/ this girl ? she's blogged twice already today ! Give us a break !" Sorry 'bout that !
Today was good, I sat around and did nothing for a while... drank some tea. Then went downstairs to do some more painting, the shelves are almost done. 4 more shelves need a 2nd coat, that might sound like a lot... but compared to before it's not ! I'm really pleased w/ how the room's coming along... I'm also especially pleased that after talking to my mom I am potentially moving down there next week ! Once we finish the floors, it's all mine.
This is a big step, moving downstairs. It's moving away from the family, and is a huge leap towards independance. I know it and my mom knows it, and it scares the shit out of both of us. I'm really excited though; it's a huge room w/ it's own private entrance although that does mean you must go outside to come upstairs. It also means I could have visitors, or sneak out in the middle of the night and no one would ever know. It's a big step, and one I'm eager to make... I'm most likely going to sleep down there tonight... slightly nerve racking !
Today my mom took my Grandma to the Piercy Hotel for Seniors, we've got 10 whole days ahead of us... Grandma-Free ! I love my Grama but lately she's really unpleasant to be around. Have you ever babysat a 5 year old and everything you say/ask them to do they outright refuse to do it, only b/c you asked them too ? Well she's gotten into that habit, refusing to eat nutritionaly, refusing to take her pills in the morning or at night, refusing to do things that she needs to do including apply medication to a few injuries. W/ my Grama gone the atmosphere in the house is completely different... my mom's a lot happier. It makes me think that next time an opportunity for my Grama to stay at a home comes up... my mom will take it.
I've gotten over the comments from Gabbie and James. I've decided that there's nothing I can do about it, if they don't like me they don't like me but I know that what I've got w/ Hazen is real and there's no point trying to convince everyone else. I guess it just stuck w/ me so much b/c it's scary when some one calls you out on your deepest fear.
Today was good, I sat around and did nothing for a while... drank some tea. Then went downstairs to do some more painting, the shelves are almost done. 4 more shelves need a 2nd coat, that might sound like a lot... but compared to before it's not ! I'm really pleased w/ how the room's coming along... I'm also especially pleased that after talking to my mom I am potentially moving down there next week ! Once we finish the floors, it's all mine.
This is a big step, moving downstairs. It's moving away from the family, and is a huge leap towards independance. I know it and my mom knows it, and it scares the shit out of both of us. I'm really excited though; it's a huge room w/ it's own private entrance although that does mean you must go outside to come upstairs. It also means I could have visitors, or sneak out in the middle of the night and no one would ever know. It's a big step, and one I'm eager to make... I'm most likely going to sleep down there tonight... slightly nerve racking !
Today my mom took my Grandma to the Piercy Hotel for Seniors, we've got 10 whole days ahead of us... Grandma-Free ! I love my Grama but lately she's really unpleasant to be around. Have you ever babysat a 5 year old and everything you say/ask them to do they outright refuse to do it, only b/c you asked them too ? Well she's gotten into that habit, refusing to eat nutritionaly, refusing to take her pills in the morning or at night, refusing to do things that she needs to do including apply medication to a few injuries. W/ my Grama gone the atmosphere in the house is completely different... my mom's a lot happier. It makes me think that next time an opportunity for my Grama to stay at a home comes up... my mom will take it.
I've gotten over the comments from Gabbie and James. I've decided that there's nothing I can do about it, if they don't like me they don't like me but I know that what I've got w/ Hazen is real and there's no point trying to convince everyone else. I guess it just stuck w/ me so much b/c it's scary when some one calls you out on your deepest fear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)