I Miss You.

I miss Hazen so much. It's not fair.
I saw him today for a bit, we went for a walk after school up sooke muchin our way. Then Hazen went to the gym and I went home on the community bus. It wasn't the plan for the begining, but I felt that I was completely willing to wait half an hour by myself and get home late on the stinkin community bus if it meant a few stolen minutes with Hazen. It was sponatanious but I think it also shows how desperate I am for any time w/ him, especially since he's not allowed to hang out during the week.
I'm feeling like Hazen & I are a little strained, but I only feel that way when we're not together. When we're together everything is fine, it's just the two of us and when it comes to our relationship that's all it should be. I wish I saw him more, and at school doesn't count. Well it counts, but it's hard. We're together, enough to do damage, but not enough to heal. When we're together at school we're not quite ourselves, we are what we think is acceptable for the people that surround us. I can't kiss him like I want too, and I can't hug him like I want too.
This just 'aint working for me. I feel like we're stuck in this kind of limbo, well no that's not the right word. Not limbo but a medium ground, we're not away from each other enough to fight or to condone a "break" but we're not together quite enough to create total happiness in the indulgement of love and being w/ the person you love.
I know I bitched about not seeing him in the summer, but now I feel just stupid. I would trade anything to go back to that amount of kisses.