The Bad.

I know I bitch about this all the time but I truly do miss Hazen. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. For those who have broken up there is always the goal that one day you won't miss that person so much, the point is that you've got to move on, got to get better.

For people who are in a relationship there usually is no missing, you see that person a lot. You hold them in your arms and store their kisses in your pocket.

I'm in a relationship where I miss him so much, there is no moving on, there is no daily decline of the ache there is only the ache and the need. The addiction. I am not even considering breaking up w/ Hazen, which makes the missing so much harder. If I missed him b/c we were no longer together then I would slap myself up and tell myself to "be a man!"

The worst kind of missing is the kind when you know where they are, they're in the same building as you or maybe even the same room but you can't be w/ them the way you want to be. I miss so much lazy afternoons spent full of eachother. I miss making love, I miss the way we are when it's just the two of us. Honestly, I miss being alone w/ him.

I don't see any let up, we'll hang out tomorrow night (which I am looking forward too, drunken pool-ness w/ a bunch of mostly naked teens ? fuck yeah), then we had plans to go to Earth Dance, a hippie music fest night, which were only loosely made but he's got guests tomorrow night and I'm working tomorrow afternoon. Damn. On sunday we might see each other during the afternoon but he's surfing in the morning and I'm working Sunday night... my last shift at Stone Pipe ??

I miss his stupid self.