Today I went to Cowichan River w/ Lampe, and we leasurly floated our way down. I'm amazed at how much Jason really hasn't matured since the last time I was around him (last September..?) for any extended period of time. He really is immature, and so is Garrett, who he just had to bring along.
We had a great day drifting down the river, it was very relaxing and nice and warm. I was lovin spending time in my bikini (very liberating) and tanning while in the water. I love the water, there is freedom in the water. Everyone is weightless and graceful, it's a cool paradise and if I could I would live w/in it.
Afterwards we went swimming in Cowichan Lake, and floated around in the waves of the water skiiers. The floaties we had were a bit unstable and the water quite cold at first, and when I dumped myself in by accident my water-proof camera went sailing down to the bottom of the lake. If only I'd noticed. Well I did notice, half an hour later after floating around a large portion of the swimming area. Who knows where it is now ? All I know is that I don't have it, and the worst part is that even though it's in the water if only I could find it... it would be perfectly unharmed.
Now when I lose/break electronics I don't know why, but I have an especially hard time dealing w/ it. I'm filled w/ rage and I can't help but to think that I'm worthless, stupid, unable to keep anything. I felt like walking up to the first solid object I came to and slamming my fist into it. If Lampe and her family hadn't been there I would have. When I lose an electronic, or break it, I am overwhelmed w/ the feeling that I need to hurt myself, to punish myself in a way I can more easily handle. I can handle physical pain, it's the emotional loss I can't take.
I realize you're probly thinking that "she's making way too big a deal about an electronic" and maybe I am. The thing is that they're the only things I lose or break and they're the most expensive things I own. My parents don't buy me things, I'm not a spoilt girl w/ a rich daddy.I buy my own things, and that camera was $200 off UsedVictoria.com. My phone screen is also broken, which I must now take into Mayfair (maybe tomorrow) to get fixed... IF my warranty covers it.
I punched the wall, there's no more skin on my knuckles. It didn't help. It would've if I had done it when I was consumed w/ rage but by the time I got home I was exhausted and the anger had turned to tears. I'm consumed w/ sadness... and I'm fearing telling my mother. As if my own personal self-imposed punishment wasn't enough she'll no doubt be extremely dissapointed.
My camera is gone, my pictures that I needed for a birthday present for tomorrow are at the bottom of a fucking lake.
There's a million things going on in my life at the moment, and I just want to curl up and sleep forever. I hate it when people say "fuck it" just b/c they're going through a hard time. I'm admitting it, I'm going through a hard fucking time at the moment.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
droopingdreams; drooping ideals
I'm exhausted. Seriously. I've been busy, which has effected my blogging for sure... lessened it which I'm sure no one is opposed too lol
Yesterday I hung out w/ Tamara, she came over and we went down to the beach and drank a smirnoff ice and smoked a joint. Caught up on some stuff, and felt kinda weird just falling back into the 'ol habits. Then I went off to my Youth Council meeting which I enjoyed to see some of the people (Justin, Skye, Connor, Scott) and try and move forward w/ it but I was also a little frusterated, the Youth Council really didn't turn out how I hoped it would and by the end it was really just a negative frustration. I'm not giving up though, and I've got a bunch of ideas of how to make it better and that will hopefully be enough to not make me hate the entire program. It frusterates me how non-dedicated people are, and how little we seem to be able to accomplish. We weren't a driving force, in any sense.
After the meeting I went to see Julie & Julia w/ Tamara & Jessica Lampe. It was nice, although I found I socialized w/ Lampe more than Tamara. I'm glad that Lampe came b/c I was having a hard time being around Tamara, it just makes me miss her more... thanks Hazen for taking me through my breakdown last night on the phone. I think I will be fine once she's gone but I don't know how, but that girl weasels her way into my heart every time. One thing that gets me, her smell. I know, weird right ? well she has a very distinctive smell... and to me it represents friendship. I can still almost smell it linger on my comforter. I miss her already, and I'm extremely jealous that she's currently at the AC/DC concert.
We didn't get home from the movie 'till 1, and I talked to Hazen on the phone 'till atleast 2, more like 230 considering I started crying. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep since I had to get up early to babysit Dalton & Cale. It was a harrowing day, and I'm so tired. I'll be glad when this babysitting gig is over.
After babysitting Hazen & I walked up to where I used to live, and I showed him my favorite place in the world. I love that land, it's a land of majic for me. If I could have anything in the world, it would be ownership of that property. I would keep it exactly the same. I love it, the forest and the fields, the rusting barbed wire fence and the barn door that doesn't close properly. Hell I even love the falling apart well and all the broom. I feel like I've shown Hazen a lot of me today, and I wonder if he feels he knows me better.
Then we came back to my place, and I showed him the room downstairs. I'm most likely not going to be able to move down there until after the exchange students are gone which is really frusterating. I've worked my ass off on that room all summer, I don't want to wait 3 months to be able to enjoy it. Something my mom has gone back on her word about, but there's still a fight yet to come... I may move down there yet.
Then Hazen and I ate veggie burgers @ stone pipe, and he headed to work and I stayed and worked. I had to stay later than I needed too b/c the server I was working w/ was too lazy to set a total of 6 places (each requiring a whipe off, a napkin, fork & knife) so he made me wait until the families had gone home before I could leave. It took me 5 minutes to set the tables, and I stayed an hour later. I could have been at home sleeping.
So here I am, broke as fuck and needing to buy a lot of things. I'm going tubing w/ Lampe tomorrow which should be fun !! I'm excited, it's not anything I've ever done before. I will take lots of pictures, and eventually put the Galiano ones on. Now I sound like Shaelee "pictures will come I promise". Except for her it actually matters, no one reads my blogg. People read hers, so it matters.... she's just ever so more fabulous than me ! aah well, I'm too tired to care.
There are things I want, and things I need and no money for any of it. I don't get paid for another 7 days and I'm not sure how big that pay check is going to be. I hope it's decent, although I have my doubts. I need back to school supplies and clothes, my phone is broken (still usable but the main screen is black) so I need to get that fixed. Cara's birthday party is Monday and I don't have a present for her. I need money in order to be w/ Lampe tomorrow (40$), and there's a PIGS (best Pink Floyd Tribute Band EVER) concert next month that I would desperately love to go to. There's endless UsedVictoria.com options for Shaelee's christmas present, although maybe I should just let it go. Christmas is still far off, but I'd rather buy and give gifts than buy things for myself. Sounds cheesy, but I love gifts. They're my thing.
I'm exhausted, and am going to go and pass out... another early morning tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some shut eye before Hazen phones....
Yesterday I hung out w/ Tamara, she came over and we went down to the beach and drank a smirnoff ice and smoked a joint. Caught up on some stuff, and felt kinda weird just falling back into the 'ol habits. Then I went off to my Youth Council meeting which I enjoyed to see some of the people (Justin, Skye, Connor, Scott) and try and move forward w/ it but I was also a little frusterated, the Youth Council really didn't turn out how I hoped it would and by the end it was really just a negative frustration. I'm not giving up though, and I've got a bunch of ideas of how to make it better and that will hopefully be enough to not make me hate the entire program. It frusterates me how non-dedicated people are, and how little we seem to be able to accomplish. We weren't a driving force, in any sense.
After the meeting I went to see Julie & Julia w/ Tamara & Jessica Lampe. It was nice, although I found I socialized w/ Lampe more than Tamara. I'm glad that Lampe came b/c I was having a hard time being around Tamara, it just makes me miss her more... thanks Hazen for taking me through my breakdown last night on the phone. I think I will be fine once she's gone but I don't know how, but that girl weasels her way into my heart every time. One thing that gets me, her smell. I know, weird right ? well she has a very distinctive smell... and to me it represents friendship. I can still almost smell it linger on my comforter. I miss her already, and I'm extremely jealous that she's currently at the AC/DC concert.
We didn't get home from the movie 'till 1, and I talked to Hazen on the phone 'till atleast 2, more like 230 considering I started crying. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep since I had to get up early to babysit Dalton & Cale. It was a harrowing day, and I'm so tired. I'll be glad when this babysitting gig is over.
After babysitting Hazen & I walked up to where I used to live, and I showed him my favorite place in the world. I love that land, it's a land of majic for me. If I could have anything in the world, it would be ownership of that property. I would keep it exactly the same. I love it, the forest and the fields, the rusting barbed wire fence and the barn door that doesn't close properly. Hell I even love the falling apart well and all the broom. I feel like I've shown Hazen a lot of me today, and I wonder if he feels he knows me better.
Then we came back to my place, and I showed him the room downstairs. I'm most likely not going to be able to move down there until after the exchange students are gone which is really frusterating. I've worked my ass off on that room all summer, I don't want to wait 3 months to be able to enjoy it. Something my mom has gone back on her word about, but there's still a fight yet to come... I may move down there yet.
Then Hazen and I ate veggie burgers @ stone pipe, and he headed to work and I stayed and worked. I had to stay later than I needed too b/c the server I was working w/ was too lazy to set a total of 6 places (each requiring a whipe off, a napkin, fork & knife) so he made me wait until the families had gone home before I could leave. It took me 5 minutes to set the tables, and I stayed an hour later. I could have been at home sleeping.
So here I am, broke as fuck and needing to buy a lot of things. I'm going tubing w/ Lampe tomorrow which should be fun !! I'm excited, it's not anything I've ever done before. I will take lots of pictures, and eventually put the Galiano ones on. Now I sound like Shaelee "pictures will come I promise". Except for her it actually matters, no one reads my blogg. People read hers, so it matters.... she's just ever so more fabulous than me ! aah well, I'm too tired to care.
There are things I want, and things I need and no money for any of it. I don't get paid for another 7 days and I'm not sure how big that pay check is going to be. I hope it's decent, although I have my doubts. I need back to school supplies and clothes, my phone is broken (still usable but the main screen is black) so I need to get that fixed. Cara's birthday party is Monday and I don't have a present for her. I need money in order to be w/ Lampe tomorrow (40$), and there's a PIGS (best Pink Floyd Tribute Band EVER) concert next month that I would desperately love to go to. There's endless UsedVictoria.com options for Shaelee's christmas present, although maybe I should just let it go. Christmas is still far off, but I'd rather buy and give gifts than buy things for myself. Sounds cheesy, but I love gifts. They're my thing.
I'm exhausted, and am going to go and pass out... another early morning tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some shut eye before Hazen phones....
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Home never sounded so good
So I'm back from Galiano, it was great. It was nice to spend time w/ my mom. We read our books and hiked around the island. Re-connected w/ an old friend of hers, I got some cool stories.
We almost got attacked by squirrels and turkey vultures alike.
I missed Hazen like crazy, which put a slight damper on the otherwise perfect weather.
Today I went out for dinner w/ Hazen then we came back to my house and watched Adventure Land. I'll put some pictures up later, but right now I'm much too tired.
Tia and Shaelee might show up, and whisk me away into the night but I doubt it.
G'night !
We almost got attacked by squirrels and turkey vultures alike.
I missed Hazen like crazy, which put a slight damper on the otherwise perfect weather.
Today I went out for dinner w/ Hazen then we came back to my house and watched Adventure Land. I'll put some pictures up later, but right now I'm much too tired.
Tia and Shaelee might show up, and whisk me away into the night but I doubt it.
G'night !
Monday, August 24, 2009
The White Shell Beaches Call My Name
So today I am leaving to go to Galiano 'till Thursday w/ my mom. Just me & her, all week long. Hopefully it'll be fine and hopefully we won't fight... it would suck to get stranded on Galiano.
It's a beautiful island, one of the gulf islands existing between Vancouver Island and Vancouver.
So I won't be blogging 'till most likely Thursday night but hopefully when I get back this stupid stage will be over and I can go back to being a hippie w/ my lover.
It's a beautiful island, one of the gulf islands existing between Vancouver Island and Vancouver.
So I won't be blogging 'till most likely Thursday night but hopefully when I get back this stupid stage will be over and I can go back to being a hippie w/ my lover.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sharpie slash
I feel like crap, my head seems to spin and drag down my shoulders. I know I maybe shouldn't do this to myself but I'm desperate. I'm exhausted, and should really go to bed. There's a couple things going through my mind;
1. I fucking miss Hazen.
2. I'm broke
3. I'm going camping tomorrow, and don't have a book
4. there is this diet I want to try, but it involves eating meat and I'm not sure I could go back to that... or that people wouldn't hate me for it.
Until I figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, I shall continue to press my recently aquired self-destruct button.
G'night.
1. I fucking miss Hazen.
2. I'm broke
3. I'm going camping tomorrow, and don't have a book
4. there is this diet I want to try, but it involves eating meat and I'm not sure I could go back to that... or that people wouldn't hate me for it.
Until I figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, I shall continue to press my recently aquired self-destruct button.
G'night.
you're only a moment away, if ever there's a dream to live
So yesterday I went to the Skate Jam, which was pretty awesome. Once there I hooked up w/ Dylan, Aurora, Brody, Sammy and some other kid named... nope can't remember. It was really fun, we took part in the mural; painting panels w/ spray paint. It was really fun and it's definetly something that I could see myself doing in the future... I'm feeling very artistic at the moment.
I had to tear myself away eventually to go to work for 130. It was super slow, but I still ended up staying 'till 4. I was working w/ Carrie and totaly bugged her the entire time; it was fun. Once I got off, and Aaron showed up w/ my booze, Shaelee met me @ Stone Pipe. She filled out an application form, maybe we'll be co-workers !
Then we headed to her house, and proceeded to get drunk.
It was fun, we had some good laughs. Shaelee eventually fell asleep at like 1 in the morning... after we'd went to Steph's on an egg mission, juggled, almost fell down stairs, baked a cake, creeped facebook photos, and of course sang ridiculously bad on many videos.
Woke up early this morning 'cause of the dogs... no parents home to deal w/ which was good since we were spralled all over the place. We really didn't drink that much, but we got pree drunk.
This morning we ate the cake we made (only some of it) then creeped sexy halloween costumes and talked about how sex-less our lives are haha
At 1230 my dad picked me up, it was nice to see him. Although we live in the same house it doesn't really happen often. So now I'm here, feeling tired and really hungry and wishing I was a heck of a lot skinnier (a side effect of hanging out w/ the most beautiful shaelee).
I've got to go to work this evening, so a shower is most definetly in order.
My parents and I are most likely going camping tomorrow, and Tamara is arriving. We'll pass each other on the highway, I dont know if I'll see her this visit. I don't know if I want too, I know I'll just fall head over heels back in love w/ her as my bestfriend even for the short amount of time she's here.
Hazen's got to Tofino. I wish he could've come camping w/ me.
I had to tear myself away eventually to go to work for 130. It was super slow, but I still ended up staying 'till 4. I was working w/ Carrie and totaly bugged her the entire time; it was fun. Once I got off, and Aaron showed up w/ my booze, Shaelee met me @ Stone Pipe. She filled out an application form, maybe we'll be co-workers !
Then we headed to her house, and proceeded to get drunk.
It was fun, we had some good laughs. Shaelee eventually fell asleep at like 1 in the morning... after we'd went to Steph's on an egg mission, juggled, almost fell down stairs, baked a cake, creeped facebook photos, and of course sang ridiculously bad on many videos.
Woke up early this morning 'cause of the dogs... no parents home to deal w/ which was good since we were spralled all over the place. We really didn't drink that much, but we got pree drunk.
This morning we ate the cake we made (only some of it) then creeped sexy halloween costumes and talked about how sex-less our lives are haha
At 1230 my dad picked me up, it was nice to see him. Although we live in the same house it doesn't really happen often. So now I'm here, feeling tired and really hungry and wishing I was a heck of a lot skinnier (a side effect of hanging out w/ the most beautiful shaelee).
I've got to go to work this evening, so a shower is most definetly in order.
My parents and I are most likely going camping tomorrow, and Tamara is arriving. We'll pass each other on the highway, I dont know if I'll see her this visit. I don't know if I want too, I know I'll just fall head over heels back in love w/ her as my bestfriend even for the short amount of time she's here.
Hazen's got to Tofino. I wish he could've come camping w/ me.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Do I look like brocoli yet ? b/c I feel like I'm turnin into a great green monster
Today I got out of bed, and wandered into the shower. Eventually made it into the car and only slightly embarrased myself in front of Skyler... Jazzy's awesome brother. Him & my mom are doing a skateboard project together... 
Tyler, the lazy one
Walker & Chris =]
After helpin out w/ the skateboard project I went to Hazens... delayed b/c he had some other stuff he had to do, which was a bummer. We spent the day at Hazen's, and I semi-started to learn how to longboard ! Super cool since I suck... hardcore.
Then I went to work which was super busy. I was a good shift, although I was mega-pooched, and really busy the only thing that bugged me was when the 2 other servers & the bartender were doing shots and I was workin' my ass off on the floor. Fucking minors.
I got some takeout, which I kinda regret now haha then went to Hazen's. I gave him my jacket, and begged him to sneak over. No dice.
I miss him already, he's leaving tomorrow for Tofino... my little surfer boy.
I miss him already, he's leaving tomorrow for Tofino... my little surfer boy.
Tomorrow I'm sleeping over @ the most wonderful Shaelee's. I'm bringing the booze, and she's supplying the house & the marijuana. Good stuff. I'm glad to be hanging out w/ Shaelee, we haven't hung out in a really long time and her new budding friendship w/ Bri might make me a little jealous (hence the post title). I doubt she'll read this, so it doesn't matter. God I miss having a best friend... oh on that note Tamara's coming home for a visit on Monday and I might not even see her.
ouchies. it's contagious.
So yesterday was as great as I was hoping that it would be !
also notice the new gauges !
Lunch w/ my sister was great, it'd be a long time since I'd seen her and her & my mom (step-mom to her) worked out a lot of stuff =] I couldn't help but to interject a little "awwe look at this little bonding moment". It was great.
Then we went to Pair 'O Dice aaaand I got 2 new piercings ! Well there's 2 holes, only kind of one piercing.
I present to you ... THE INDUSTRIAL
also notice the new gauges !I also got a ring put in my nose (see top picture !). My mom cried, I was like "come on !". But I guess I get that parents spend all their time trying to keep their children safe and then we just go and punch holes in ourself !
After piercings I went to Lyle's Place and bought Alex's birthday present, a DISTURBED tee shirt which he loved.
Then we headed back to Sooke, after a quick stop @ Starbucks, and I bought a card for Alex. Then I walked over to Alex's. The party was okay, kind of boring for the first part. Bekki and I livened it up a bit by pouring water on Alex and there was a few pretty funny rounds of Boche Ball !
At 6 or so Hazen showed up, which just made everything better =]
We went to Sooke Elementary and fooled around on the play equiptment, and then in the field. All of us together, wrestlin and playin football and such. We went back to Alex's and I spent a good cuddle on Hazen's lap in a lawn chair. Then we played football which eventually turned into Full Tackle British Bulldog, which was fun. I would often get spectacularly tackled to the ground by Hazen only to be smothered w/ kisses.
It was a fun night, especially after the sun went down !
Thursday, August 20, 2009
dooooown town (8)
So yesterday I didn't do much, painted, hopped on the community bus and met hazen, got icecream, got part of Alex's birthday present, walked to Hazen's, had an icecream fight, went to work, watched Law & Order SVU then went to bed.
Couldn't sleep last night, these darn stretchers ! I can't lay on my side; which is how I sleep ! aaah bummer. So after I got off the phone w/ Hazen I tossed and turned... I think I got maybe an hour or 2 of sleep w/ all the moments I drifted off put together. I'm sleeping downstairs, which is fun !
I'm up early today, and am heading into town w/ my mom to go and see my sister. We're going to shop, then have lunch. I might get my bar peircing !! Then after lunch we are going back to little 'ol Sooke for Alex's birthday party. It should be fun, haven't seen anyone all summer !
Hazen & I are doing a joint-birthday present...
1. a massive bag of peanut m&ms
2. a system of a down cd
3. a DISTURBED (it's a band) tee shirt
4. an awesome card
wooooooot !
I'm looking forward to seeing my sister, it's been a while. But even more so I'm looking forward to seeing Hazen; we really just haven't had enough time together lately.
Couldn't sleep last night, these darn stretchers ! I can't lay on my side; which is how I sleep ! aaah bummer. So after I got off the phone w/ Hazen I tossed and turned... I think I got maybe an hour or 2 of sleep w/ all the moments I drifted off put together. I'm sleeping downstairs, which is fun !
I'm up early today, and am heading into town w/ my mom to go and see my sister. We're going to shop, then have lunch. I might get my bar peircing !! Then after lunch we are going back to little 'ol Sooke for Alex's birthday party. It should be fun, haven't seen anyone all summer !
Hazen & I are doing a joint-birthday present...
1. a massive bag of peanut m&ms
2. a system of a down cd
3. a DISTURBED (it's a band) tee shirt
4. an awesome card
wooooooot !
I'm looking forward to seeing my sister, it's been a while. But even more so I'm looking forward to seeing Hazen; we really just haven't had enough time together lately.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
high topssss
I know, I know ! You're thinking "what the heck is w/ this girl ? she's blogged twice already today ! Give us a break !" Sorry 'bout that !
Today was good, I sat around and did nothing for a while... drank some tea. Then went downstairs to do some more painting, the shelves are almost done. 4 more shelves need a 2nd coat, that might sound like a lot... but compared to before it's not ! I'm really pleased w/ how the room's coming along... I'm also especially pleased that after talking to my mom I am potentially moving down there next week ! Once we finish the floors, it's all mine.
This is a big step, moving downstairs. It's moving away from the family, and is a huge leap towards independance. I know it and my mom knows it, and it scares the shit out of both of us. I'm really excited though; it's a huge room w/ it's own private entrance although that does mean you must go outside to come upstairs. It also means I could have visitors, or sneak out in the middle of the night and no one would ever know. It's a big step, and one I'm eager to make... I'm most likely going to sleep down there tonight... slightly nerve racking !
Today my mom took my Grandma to the Piercy Hotel for Seniors, we've got 10 whole days ahead of us... Grandma-Free ! I love my Grama but lately she's really unpleasant to be around. Have you ever babysat a 5 year old and everything you say/ask them to do they outright refuse to do it, only b/c you asked them too ? Well she's gotten into that habit, refusing to eat nutritionaly, refusing to take her pills in the morning or at night, refusing to do things that she needs to do including apply medication to a few injuries. W/ my Grama gone the atmosphere in the house is completely different... my mom's a lot happier. It makes me think that next time an opportunity for my Grama to stay at a home comes up... my mom will take it.
I've gotten over the comments from Gabbie and James. I've decided that there's nothing I can do about it, if they don't like me they don't like me but I know that what I've got w/ Hazen is real and there's no point trying to convince everyone else. I guess it just stuck w/ me so much b/c it's scary when some one calls you out on your deepest fear.
Today was good, I sat around and did nothing for a while... drank some tea. Then went downstairs to do some more painting, the shelves are almost done. 4 more shelves need a 2nd coat, that might sound like a lot... but compared to before it's not ! I'm really pleased w/ how the room's coming along... I'm also especially pleased that after talking to my mom I am potentially moving down there next week ! Once we finish the floors, it's all mine.
This is a big step, moving downstairs. It's moving away from the family, and is a huge leap towards independance. I know it and my mom knows it, and it scares the shit out of both of us. I'm really excited though; it's a huge room w/ it's own private entrance although that does mean you must go outside to come upstairs. It also means I could have visitors, or sneak out in the middle of the night and no one would ever know. It's a big step, and one I'm eager to make... I'm most likely going to sleep down there tonight... slightly nerve racking !
Today my mom took my Grandma to the Piercy Hotel for Seniors, we've got 10 whole days ahead of us... Grandma-Free ! I love my Grama but lately she's really unpleasant to be around. Have you ever babysat a 5 year old and everything you say/ask them to do they outright refuse to do it, only b/c you asked them too ? Well she's gotten into that habit, refusing to eat nutritionaly, refusing to take her pills in the morning or at night, refusing to do things that she needs to do including apply medication to a few injuries. W/ my Grama gone the atmosphere in the house is completely different... my mom's a lot happier. It makes me think that next time an opportunity for my Grama to stay at a home comes up... my mom will take it.
I've gotten over the comments from Gabbie and James. I've decided that there's nothing I can do about it, if they don't like me they don't like me but I know that what I've got w/ Hazen is real and there's no point trying to convince everyone else. I guess it just stuck w/ me so much b/c it's scary when some one calls you out on your deepest fear.
i try, but sometimes i fail.
emiegrace says ; So Gabbie pretty much hates me eh ?
James P says ; ... yeah pretty much.
emiegrace says ; Why ?
James P says ; she just thinks that Hazen could get somebody better.
I shouldn't let it get to me, but I just can't help it. I battle w/ 3 things...
1. how can she make that kind of assumption ? when she doesn't know anything about me, or me & Hazen ?
2. does she only think that b/c she knows her little sister likes Hazen and thinks that they would be better off together ?
3. Maybe she's right...
James P says ; ... yeah pretty much.
emiegrace says ; Why ?
James P says ; she just thinks that Hazen could get somebody better.
I shouldn't let it get to me, but I just can't help it. I battle w/ 3 things...
1. how can she make that kind of assumption ? when she doesn't know anything about me, or me & Hazen ?
2. does she only think that b/c she knows her little sister likes Hazen and thinks that they would be better off together ?
3. Maybe she's right...
This tea needs more milk
So yesterday I got up, and spent a while on the computer aimlessly watching podcasts. Then for the first time in a while I went for a run. It started out good and while I was just begining my run, pounding down the driveway, I felt amazing. By the time I got to my turn around point though I was hurtin, and felt like I was going to pass out. It's been a while since I ran so all the progress I'd built up was starting to fade away... mostly my lungs.
Once I finished my run I jumped in the shower, it was an especially long one b/c I was just trying to stop hurting. Then Hazen phoned, I'd have to phone him back.
Does it ever happen to you that you have plans for the day and then all of a sudden you just don't want to do them anymore ?
Well Hazen was supposed to come over here, but for some reason I wanted to go downtown.
Weeee'ree going dooooooooooooooooowntooooown ! (showtune voice) So anyways, we ended up on the 240 bus to Victoria. Now normally I love riding the bus w/ Hazen, it's just the 2 of us in close quarters w/out a care in the world. Then James and Gabbie Price got on. Fuck my life. By the end of the ride I was almost in tears, Gabbie just makes me feel so inferior. Telling me to stop doing things which I wasn't doing in the first place, mocking my laugh. Now I'm trying hard to become my own person, I've come a long ways, and to not care what other people think but Gabbie is beautiful, strong, older, confident and likes Hazen (not romanticly) which just diminishes my confidence and makes me want to curl up in a ball. And I just don't like James. He's going into grade 12 and will no doubt hit on all the grade 9s, just like he did this year. Grow up James.
Once we got off the bus things perked up, we wandered about. Went to Phat Phege's, Culture Craze, Pair 'O Dice, The Patch (which I am now totaly in love w/ btw) and of course Lyle's Place. I bought some gauges and Hazen got Jimmi Hendrix CD ; Electric Ladyland.
Then we saw The Time Traveller's Wife, my 2nd time seeing it... although this time I had something to distract me from the movie haha
It was a good night, and one that was played by the ear. Go where ever we wanted, eat where ever we wanted, just go w/ the flow. Yeah, we're hippies like that.
Once I finished my run I jumped in the shower, it was an especially long one b/c I was just trying to stop hurting. Then Hazen phoned, I'd have to phone him back.
Does it ever happen to you that you have plans for the day and then all of a sudden you just don't want to do them anymore ?
Well Hazen was supposed to come over here, but for some reason I wanted to go downtown.
Weeee'ree going dooooooooooooooooowntooooown ! (showtune voice) So anyways, we ended up on the 240 bus to Victoria. Now normally I love riding the bus w/ Hazen, it's just the 2 of us in close quarters w/out a care in the world. Then James and Gabbie Price got on. Fuck my life. By the end of the ride I was almost in tears, Gabbie just makes me feel so inferior. Telling me to stop doing things which I wasn't doing in the first place, mocking my laugh. Now I'm trying hard to become my own person, I've come a long ways, and to not care what other people think but Gabbie is beautiful, strong, older, confident and likes Hazen (not romanticly) which just diminishes my confidence and makes me want to curl up in a ball. And I just don't like James. He's going into grade 12 and will no doubt hit on all the grade 9s, just like he did this year. Grow up James.
Once we got off the bus things perked up, we wandered about. Went to Phat Phege's, Culture Craze, Pair 'O Dice, The Patch (which I am now totaly in love w/ btw) and of course Lyle's Place. I bought some gauges and Hazen got Jimmi Hendrix CD ; Electric Ladyland.
Then we saw The Time Traveller's Wife, my 2nd time seeing it... although this time I had something to distract me from the movie haha
It was a good night, and one that was played by the ear. Go where ever we wanted, eat where ever we wanted, just go w/ the flow. Yeah, we're hippies like that.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
A Day For Men.
Well first of all I just want to say I love being w/ Hazen, and I also love being taken.
For a girl who was single for over 2 years while her friends and their boyfriends floated around her ... well you just never get over that. You're always kind of scarred, always kinda lonely.
Well the past 24 hours have been a day for men.
Today I spent the day w/ Dalton, which was cool. He's a really great guy, he's got a crazy strong personality. You either love it, or you hate it. I think he's cool, he's definetly different from anyone else I know which is refreshing in a place where so many people are the same cookie-cutter. I can see us becoming great friends, w/ me unavailable it just takes out that whole aspect and allows us to be friends. I love it, and I love how Hazen trusts me to hang out w/ Dalton all day. Dalton's pretty funny, and he could be one of the things I'm looking for.
I didn't see Hazen today, which sucked but I did see him for a couple of hours yesterday, then went to work. It was nice to see him, we worked through some things which was good =]
Last night I worked the shift w/ Trevor Forget, aka Brandon Forget's father. He told me some things, that made my heart hurt. They were brought on by the resignation of Brandon's ex-girlfriend Jessica.
"you know I gave Brandon shit for what he did to you last year right ?"
"what ? no, really. I've had worse."
"no, he was a real asshole. and then he had the nerve to ask me how you were doing ! he was going on like 'i'm such a fucking idiot, I should'a stayed w/ emily then none of this shit w/ jessica would've ever happened... you see her... how is she ?' well I told him to fuck off"
I don't really miss Brandon, what he did hurt me b/c I really really liked him. We could've had the perfect mix of passion & comfort, too bad he's an asshole. What Trevor said caught me off gaurd, and brought up old stuff that I don't think about anymore. Why would I when I've got Hazen ?
Then today a flamboyantly gay African-American man came in to get some take out, and as he was leaving he said
"you know it's pretty young girls like yourself that make us question ourselves"
This made me smile, it was a cute compliment compared to the disturbing things to come ...
I was in the back of the kitchen scrapin off plates and joking around w/ Aaron.
"fuck I cut my hand"
"Oh no you're gonna die"
"fuck I am too"
"can I have your car once you're dead ?"
"naw only suckin dick would get you that"
"...."
"haha that shut you up pretty quick. Naw your brother would kill me"
"I would kill myself."
"actually I'm not so sure about your brother, I was there when Chicken told him he likes ya, he didn't seem too mad"
"ew, Chicken ?"
"yeah actually it was just last night that me, chicken and your brother were sittin there smokin a doobie and talkin about you. Now that I'm single we're havin a competition, but 'cause we're not assholes we're waitin 'till that boyfriend of yours fucks up bad enough that you dump his ass. Then we'll get a fair shot ya see ? I think your brother would rather see you w/ Chicken though... probably b/c he's only 17 when I'm 19 haha. Oh well... we'll see"
Well sorry Aaron, and Chicken for that matter, but I love Hazen. I really do. Being around all these other guys today has really opened my eyes to how special what Hazen and I have is. We trust each other enough to let each other hang w/ guys (or girls) alone, and we trust each other enough to still come running back into each other's arms.
Hazen Price, I love you and I can't wait to start a new school year w/ you... mind you we've still got some things on our summer To-Do check list !
For a girl who was single for over 2 years while her friends and their boyfriends floated around her ... well you just never get over that. You're always kind of scarred, always kinda lonely.
Well the past 24 hours have been a day for men.
Today I spent the day w/ Dalton, which was cool. He's a really great guy, he's got a crazy strong personality. You either love it, or you hate it. I think he's cool, he's definetly different from anyone else I know which is refreshing in a place where so many people are the same cookie-cutter. I can see us becoming great friends, w/ me unavailable it just takes out that whole aspect and allows us to be friends. I love it, and I love how Hazen trusts me to hang out w/ Dalton all day. Dalton's pretty funny, and he could be one of the things I'm looking for.
I didn't see Hazen today, which sucked but I did see him for a couple of hours yesterday, then went to work. It was nice to see him, we worked through some things which was good =]
Last night I worked the shift w/ Trevor Forget, aka Brandon Forget's father. He told me some things, that made my heart hurt. They were brought on by the resignation of Brandon's ex-girlfriend Jessica.
"you know I gave Brandon shit for what he did to you last year right ?"
"what ? no, really. I've had worse."
"no, he was a real asshole. and then he had the nerve to ask me how you were doing ! he was going on like 'i'm such a fucking idiot, I should'a stayed w/ emily then none of this shit w/ jessica would've ever happened... you see her... how is she ?' well I told him to fuck off"
I don't really miss Brandon, what he did hurt me b/c I really really liked him. We could've had the perfect mix of passion & comfort, too bad he's an asshole. What Trevor said caught me off gaurd, and brought up old stuff that I don't think about anymore. Why would I when I've got Hazen ?
Then today a flamboyantly gay African-American man came in to get some take out, and as he was leaving he said
"you know it's pretty young girls like yourself that make us question ourselves"
This made me smile, it was a cute compliment compared to the disturbing things to come ...
I was in the back of the kitchen scrapin off plates and joking around w/ Aaron.
"fuck I cut my hand"
"Oh no you're gonna die"
"fuck I am too"
"can I have your car once you're dead ?"
"naw only suckin dick would get you that"
"...."
"haha that shut you up pretty quick. Naw your brother would kill me"
"I would kill myself."
"actually I'm not so sure about your brother, I was there when Chicken told him he likes ya, he didn't seem too mad"
"ew, Chicken ?"
"yeah actually it was just last night that me, chicken and your brother were sittin there smokin a doobie and talkin about you. Now that I'm single we're havin a competition, but 'cause we're not assholes we're waitin 'till that boyfriend of yours fucks up bad enough that you dump his ass. Then we'll get a fair shot ya see ? I think your brother would rather see you w/ Chicken though... probably b/c he's only 17 when I'm 19 haha. Oh well... we'll see"
Well sorry Aaron, and Chicken for that matter, but I love Hazen. I really do. Being around all these other guys today has really opened my eyes to how special what Hazen and I have is. We trust each other enough to let each other hang w/ guys (or girls) alone, and we trust each other enough to still come running back into each other's arms.
Hazen Price, I love you and I can't wait to start a new school year w/ you... mind you we've still got some things on our summer To-Do check list !
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Don't Forget.
If there's one thing I think we all need to remember it's this ;
while you've never done this before, neither have they.
With the rollercoaster that the past 24 hours have been I sat talking w/ my mom in the car in the driveway and our conversation turned deep. We were talking about Hazen and I, and this stupid babysitting thing, and conversations my mom's been having w/ his. She started talking from the parent's point of view so I interrupted and said,
"yeah you guys haven't parented 15 year olds before but we haven't been 15 year olds before."
It struck me how true those words are, I mean they sound very cliche but stop right now if you're reading this and read that sentence again.
Read it slowly, and think about it. Here I'll even type it again for you
"yeah you guys haven't parented 15 year olds before but we haven't been 15 year olds before."
While you go through your life mainly thinking of yourself there's one thing that you have to remember, today is never going to exist again. 1048 August 15 2009 will never again exist. Now I've never before been in this minute, but neither has anyone else.
No one has already lived today, and while you might have done something already another person might not have. Remember that while you don't know what the day is going to bring, neither does the person you're engaging w/.
while you've never done this before, neither have they.
With the rollercoaster that the past 24 hours have been I sat talking w/ my mom in the car in the driveway and our conversation turned deep. We were talking about Hazen and I, and this stupid babysitting thing, and conversations my mom's been having w/ his. She started talking from the parent's point of view so I interrupted and said,
"yeah you guys haven't parented 15 year olds before but we haven't been 15 year olds before."
It struck me how true those words are, I mean they sound very cliche but stop right now if you're reading this and read that sentence again.
Read it slowly, and think about it. Here I'll even type it again for you
"yeah you guys haven't parented 15 year olds before but we haven't been 15 year olds before."
While you go through your life mainly thinking of yourself there's one thing that you have to remember, today is never going to exist again. 1048 August 15 2009 will never again exist. Now I've never before been in this minute, but neither has anyone else.
No one has already lived today, and while you might have done something already another person might not have. Remember that while you don't know what the day is going to bring, neither does the person you're engaging w/.
ARG.
So last night Hazen called, and said he couldn't babysit w/ me today which is really frusterating. I agreed to babysit all day on Saturdays on 1 condition : that we would do it together.
Now his parents won't let him, which makes it not his fault but who am I supposed to be mad at now ? His parents ? I can't. They're too great.
Who cares that now I'm stuck w/ 2 boys I can barely handle all day ? It's not that I'm lazy, or don't want to babysit... it's b/c the boys we babysit are sometimes almost uncontrolable. They're terrors.
Today I'm babysitting from 830 - 230 then working at Stone Pipe @ 530.
I'm feeling really frusterated, and really bestfriend-less.
Now his parents won't let him, which makes it not his fault but who am I supposed to be mad at now ? His parents ? I can't. They're too great.
Who cares that now I'm stuck w/ 2 boys I can barely handle all day ? It's not that I'm lazy, or don't want to babysit... it's b/c the boys we babysit are sometimes almost uncontrolable. They're terrors.
Today I'm babysitting from 830 - 230 then working at Stone Pipe @ 530.
I'm feeling really frusterated, and really bestfriend-less.
14/08/09
Yesterday,
I caught the community bus in, which is always a kind of localizing expirience. Unlike the larger BC Transit busses everyone talks, to each other to the driver; everyone knows and care about each other. I sit in the back of the bus, not contributing to the conversation but I enjoy it none the less.
Once in Sooke I went into the bank and w/drew the last of my paycheck, they always seem to not quite last as long as you need them too. Then I met Hazen for lunch, and we went to the Stone Pipe. I don't mind eating there, it's got a good vibe and I feel really comfortable there... most likely b/c I've spent thousands of hours there. I also get a discount, which is a bonus. We had a lovely lunch, veggie burgers and veggie quesadillas.
Afterwards we walked up to Movie Gallery and rented I Love You, Man. Then we went back to his place to watch it. We also got some slushies... whch ended up getting dumped on each other. When we got back to Hazen's I changed into some of his clothes and put in a load of laundry. Then we watched our movie, only Claudette was home so we had downstairs to ourselves.
It was great to watch a movie w/out Damien, I could turn and kiss him when ever I liked. I could cuddle into his arms w/out worrying what anyone thought. It was a great movie, funnier the second time.
We got dinner at Subway then I walked Hazen to work, then went into town w/ Jessica Lampe to see The Time Traveller's Wife. I was a little nervous about hanging out w/ her w/ just the 2 of us, but it was great. It seems I've grown away from a lot of my friends and it was good to reconnect w/ Jess. We laughed our way downtown to the movie theathre, then wasted time by trying to discover what the ceiling was made out of... the young attendant was very helpful =]
We also discovered our future careers, janitors @ the Caprice ! I've missed having a female best friend... Jessica isn't my best friend but she's one of my closest. I think at this moment Hazen is my best friend... atleast I spend the most time w/ him haha.
We made our way back to our small town and eventually into bed. It was a great day, a great goofball of a day.
I caught the community bus in, which is always a kind of localizing expirience. Unlike the larger BC Transit busses everyone talks, to each other to the driver; everyone knows and care about each other. I sit in the back of the bus, not contributing to the conversation but I enjoy it none the less.
Once in Sooke I went into the bank and w/drew the last of my paycheck, they always seem to not quite last as long as you need them too. Then I met Hazen for lunch, and we went to the Stone Pipe. I don't mind eating there, it's got a good vibe and I feel really comfortable there... most likely b/c I've spent thousands of hours there. I also get a discount, which is a bonus. We had a lovely lunch, veggie burgers and veggie quesadillas.
Afterwards we walked up to Movie Gallery and rented I Love You, Man. Then we went back to his place to watch it. We also got some slushies... whch ended up getting dumped on each other. When we got back to Hazen's I changed into some of his clothes and put in a load of laundry. Then we watched our movie, only Claudette was home so we had downstairs to ourselves.
It was great to watch a movie w/out Damien, I could turn and kiss him when ever I liked. I could cuddle into his arms w/out worrying what anyone thought. It was a great movie, funnier the second time.
We got dinner at Subway then I walked Hazen to work, then went into town w/ Jessica Lampe to see The Time Traveller's Wife. I was a little nervous about hanging out w/ her w/ just the 2 of us, but it was great. It seems I've grown away from a lot of my friends and it was good to reconnect w/ Jess. We laughed our way downtown to the movie theathre, then wasted time by trying to discover what the ceiling was made out of... the young attendant was very helpful =]
We also discovered our future careers, janitors @ the Caprice ! I've missed having a female best friend... Jessica isn't my best friend but she's one of my closest. I think at this moment Hazen is my best friend... atleast I spend the most time w/ him haha.
We made our way back to our small town and eventually into bed. It was a great day, a great goofball of a day.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
"Ryan"
So it amazes me how alike I am to a person I never knew before. It's scary.
"Ryan" has so many feelings, and tendancies that are like mine. Ryan is some one that I only knew from a distance, and tried my hardest to be cool around. Now after reading pages of secret blogg I feel I know them a lot more, not b/c I've read what they sent me to read... but b/c I can relate to almost every paragraph.
Me and this person, could be friends maybe.
Ryan used to do things, that I do now. They did these things when they were my age, so maybe they know how I feel. I look at my life, like a story to be written and often I find myself instead of living a moment looking at it. Looking at it and preparing a story, the kind that you read and think "wow this person must have been having the time of their life at that very moment". Stories that are written to make you think that.
Ryan knows the feeling of numbness more than I do, but I'm not sure by how much.
Previously hated, previously faked, presently revolutionizing.
"Ryan" has so many feelings, and tendancies that are like mine. Ryan is some one that I only knew from a distance, and tried my hardest to be cool around. Now after reading pages of secret blogg I feel I know them a lot more, not b/c I've read what they sent me to read... but b/c I can relate to almost every paragraph.
Me and this person, could be friends maybe.
Ryan used to do things, that I do now. They did these things when they were my age, so maybe they know how I feel. I look at my life, like a story to be written and often I find myself instead of living a moment looking at it. Looking at it and preparing a story, the kind that you read and think "wow this person must have been having the time of their life at that very moment". Stories that are written to make you think that.
Ryan knows the feeling of numbness more than I do, but I'm not sure by how much.
Previously hated, previously faked, presently revolutionizing.
we sow seeds to see us through b/c dreams don't always come true
So I'm in a really bad mood.
This morning while I was blogging the earlier post about last night I was on the phone w/ Hazen and found out he wouldn't be able to hang out during the day, but maybe at night. Which put me in a really bad mood. But then I just continued to plug on writing my blogg entry which brightened my day just re-living the amazing night I had last night.
Soon enough I was finished my post and he had to leave to go into Langford w/ his family, then I meddled on the computer for a bit but my Grandma kept coming out and telling me things that I've listened to her complain about for the past 2 days (her bee sting) so I grabbed my rollers and headed downstairs to continue painting the wretched shelves.
The shelves didn't brighten my mood, they're really pissing me off. Also I'm almost out of blue paint which means I either have to stretch to make it work or get a new can which will cost me more money and won't be the exact some color. They never are.
So 4 hours after I headed down there I came back up stairs covered w/ blue paint and white primer. Mostly primer, considering the blue paint washes off. Now I'm on the phone w/ Hazen again, and just found out he won't be able to come to our joint-babysitting gig tonight. Fucker.
So now my day is just shitty, and I'm still not feeling to great.
I'll finish this post, so I can go punch something.
Hmmm... maybe I'll go ride my fat horse
This morning while I was blogging the earlier post about last night I was on the phone w/ Hazen and found out he wouldn't be able to hang out during the day, but maybe at night. Which put me in a really bad mood. But then I just continued to plug on writing my blogg entry which brightened my day just re-living the amazing night I had last night.
Soon enough I was finished my post and he had to leave to go into Langford w/ his family, then I meddled on the computer for a bit but my Grandma kept coming out and telling me things that I've listened to her complain about for the past 2 days (her bee sting) so I grabbed my rollers and headed downstairs to continue painting the wretched shelves.
The shelves didn't brighten my mood, they're really pissing me off. Also I'm almost out of blue paint which means I either have to stretch to make it work or get a new can which will cost me more money and won't be the exact some color. They never are.
So 4 hours after I headed down there I came back up stairs covered w/ blue paint and white primer. Mostly primer, considering the blue paint washes off. Now I'm on the phone w/ Hazen again, and just found out he won't be able to come to our joint-babysitting gig tonight. Fucker.
So now my day is just shitty, and I'm still not feeling to great.
I'll finish this post, so I can go punch something.
Hmmm... maybe I'll go ride my fat horse
sparkle, sparkle ginger gold
So last night was a dream come true.
I headed over to Hazen's house about 4 b/c that's when my mom was heading into Sooke. I had my outfit in my bag, ready to go ! I met Hazen's Grandma Claudette and his younger cousin Emma. Claudette seems pretty cool, she's about 60 - 65 I'd guess and has a French accent. She's the kind of woman who's still up for black berry picking and hanging out w/ her grandchildren.
Emma seems really nice, she's 3 years younger than Hazen and I and seems really nice =] She isn't as shy as the rest of the family haha
(warning, I'm going to risk sounding like a total stalker in this paragraph) Now I've met all but 2 members of Hazen's family, which is amazing. Mark and Sharon have Dean and Shannon. Dean's married to Charmaine who have Hazen, Damien and Madeleine. Shannon's married to Sean and they have a young son Ryland. Charmaine's mom Claudette has her and 1 other, who then has Emma. Yeah, creeper I know. I really like Hazen's family, they're unlike any family I've ever met... they're so welcoming and loving even though I'm not really part of the family. There's been numerous occasions where I've been the only non-Price.
One of my favorite memories was walking into Hazen's house when Shannon, Sean and Ryland were visiting and Shannon grabbed me and hugged me right as I came in the door. It made me want to cry, how much she just accepted me. It was amazing, and still brings tears to my eyes.
Oh my gosh look how off topic I've gotten...
Anyways so we hung around at Hazen's for a while, watched Dog The Bounty Hunter w/ Damien then I got changed at 540. I walked back into the TV room and Hazen's jaw literally dropped. The outfit made me feel like a million bucks but the look on his face made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
We went to Markus's, and it was amazing. We walked around a bit before b/c we were a bit early for our reservation. Standing in the golden sun set light in a pretty dress I felt amazing. Hazen paused, and took a picture of me. I guess I looked good, haha. We sat at the best table in the place, and drank cranberry juice and coke out of big wine glasses.
The food was amazing, unlike anything I've ever tasted before. We stayed there for about an hour and 45 minutes, eating and talking. Laughing and trying our hardest to figure out which fork to use. The view was amazing, and the sunset spectacular. We watched the gulls fly over and laughed at the idea of a marine trailer park.
After dinner we walked up Maple Ave, and randomly saw Jeff biking out of his driveway. We walked together, arm in arm. I felt amazing. A bit cold but amazing. We went back to his place and watched a bad movie w/ his family.
It was a dream come true night, and at the end I felt full. Full of amazing food, full of life, love and happiness.
I headed over to Hazen's house about 4 b/c that's when my mom was heading into Sooke. I had my outfit in my bag, ready to go ! I met Hazen's Grandma Claudette and his younger cousin Emma. Claudette seems pretty cool, she's about 60 - 65 I'd guess and has a French accent. She's the kind of woman who's still up for black berry picking and hanging out w/ her grandchildren.
Emma seems really nice, she's 3 years younger than Hazen and I and seems really nice =] She isn't as shy as the rest of the family haha
(warning, I'm going to risk sounding like a total stalker in this paragraph) Now I've met all but 2 members of Hazen's family, which is amazing. Mark and Sharon have Dean and Shannon. Dean's married to Charmaine who have Hazen, Damien and Madeleine. Shannon's married to Sean and they have a young son Ryland. Charmaine's mom Claudette has her and 1 other, who then has Emma. Yeah, creeper I know. I really like Hazen's family, they're unlike any family I've ever met... they're so welcoming and loving even though I'm not really part of the family. There's been numerous occasions where I've been the only non-Price.
One of my favorite memories was walking into Hazen's house when Shannon, Sean and Ryland were visiting and Shannon grabbed me and hugged me right as I came in the door. It made me want to cry, how much she just accepted me. It was amazing, and still brings tears to my eyes.
Oh my gosh look how off topic I've gotten...
Anyways so we hung around at Hazen's for a while, watched Dog The Bounty Hunter w/ Damien then I got changed at 540. I walked back into the TV room and Hazen's jaw literally dropped. The outfit made me feel like a million bucks but the look on his face made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
We went to Markus's, and it was amazing. We walked around a bit before b/c we were a bit early for our reservation. Standing in the golden sun set light in a pretty dress I felt amazing. Hazen paused, and took a picture of me. I guess I looked good, haha. We sat at the best table in the place, and drank cranberry juice and coke out of big wine glasses.
The food was amazing, unlike anything I've ever tasted before. We stayed there for about an hour and 45 minutes, eating and talking. Laughing and trying our hardest to figure out which fork to use. The view was amazing, and the sunset spectacular. We watched the gulls fly over and laughed at the idea of a marine trailer park.
After dinner we walked up Maple Ave, and randomly saw Jeff biking out of his driveway. We walked together, arm in arm. I felt amazing. A bit cold but amazing. We went back to his place and watched a bad movie w/ his family.
It was a dream come true night, and at the end I felt full. Full of amazing food, full of life, love and happiness.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
273 days
So today is 9 months w/ Hazen.
I'm not going to lie, I never thought this would happen to me.
I thought I would spend the rest of my schooling career watching and coaching my girls through endless one-of-a-kind love stories... I'd never thought I'd write my own.
Looking back on the past 9 months, it's been good. A few ups and downs, but not too bumpy. I have to say that today ... right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Not like that spurr of the moment happy that you get when something special and particular happens (well I've got that too..) but that under-lying current of happiness that you've felt consistantly for a while. It's not a quick shower, it's a long bubble bath !
I'm extremely excited for Markus's, and I will most likely blogg again after to recount the events. I just wish today would pass by fast, I can't wait for 6 o'clock ! There's things I have to do, chores and such, so I'm sure that it will pass by rather quickly as long as I don't just sit around. Gotta keep moving !
I'm not going to lie, I never thought this would happen to me.
I thought I would spend the rest of my schooling career watching and coaching my girls through endless one-of-a-kind love stories... I'd never thought I'd write my own.
Looking back on the past 9 months, it's been good. A few ups and downs, but not too bumpy. I have to say that today ... right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Not like that spurr of the moment happy that you get when something special and particular happens (well I've got that too..) but that under-lying current of happiness that you've felt consistantly for a while. It's not a quick shower, it's a long bubble bath !
I'm extremely excited for Markus's, and I will most likely blogg again after to recount the events. I just wish today would pass by fast, I can't wait for 6 o'clock ! There's things I have to do, chores and such, so I'm sure that it will pass by rather quickly as long as I don't just sit around. Gotta keep moving !
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
One hell of a day... so far
Well today, as well as a hangover, I got food posioning. One piece of friggen pizza from a shady pizzeria and BOOM. I spend the morning spewin' my guts all over the bathroom.
Now when I was little I had a stomach infection and spent 2 years in and out of the hospital, and for a while after had to take pills to re-build the lining of my digestive system where it had been eroded by the stomach acid. Now normally it wouldn't matter, but when you're throwing up enough to empty your stomach and move on to the acid atleast 2 a week your digestive track sees a lot more acid than it can handle. I've been okay for a while, but b/c of previous damage when ever I get the flu, or food posioning (2nd time now) it's much much much worse.
I hate the feeling of throwing up even after your stomach is empty. The shaky rattle that wrenches its way from the pit of your stomach to the top of your head. The invisable hands that take your head and squeeze it until every orfice spews. It's a familiar go-round, but it still sucks.
So I woke up early this morning, and started to puke. Thinking it was just the hangover I shrugged it off, just a "just let it pass" thing... until it got outta hand. I'm kind of an expert on throwing up, and this was no hangover. I phoned my mom and she got lost coming to get me. Eventually I made it home, eventually the heaving stopped and eventually I fell asleep.
Now I've finished watching the 3rd Harry Potter and am trying to nibble a banana. Hazen has family arriving tonight so he can't come over, which sucks b/c I'm sitting here hurting and all I want is to curl up in his arms and watch the 4th Harry Potter =[
Now when I was little I had a stomach infection and spent 2 years in and out of the hospital, and for a while after had to take pills to re-build the lining of my digestive system where it had been eroded by the stomach acid. Now normally it wouldn't matter, but when you're throwing up enough to empty your stomach and move on to the acid atleast 2 a week your digestive track sees a lot more acid than it can handle. I've been okay for a while, but b/c of previous damage when ever I get the flu, or food posioning (2nd time now) it's much much much worse.
I hate the feeling of throwing up even after your stomach is empty. The shaky rattle that wrenches its way from the pit of your stomach to the top of your head. The invisable hands that take your head and squeeze it until every orfice spews. It's a familiar go-round, but it still sucks.
So I woke up early this morning, and started to puke. Thinking it was just the hangover I shrugged it off, just a "just let it pass" thing... until it got outta hand. I'm kind of an expert on throwing up, and this was no hangover. I phoned my mom and she got lost coming to get me. Eventually I made it home, eventually the heaving stopped and eventually I fell asleep.
Now I've finished watching the 3rd Harry Potter and am trying to nibble a banana. Hazen has family arriving tonight so he can't come over, which sucks b/c I'm sitting here hurting and all I want is to curl up in his arms and watch the 4th Harry Potter =[
Ginger Reunion
Alchohal. What would teenagers be w/out it ?
It makes it things different. Makes things crazy. Makes you tell people not stuff you don't mean but stuff that you otherwise wouldn't have the courage to tell them.
I'm currently at Kaitlyn's dad's cabin.
And drunk.
She's on the phone w/ Lee, which she shouldn't be.
I've embarrased myself in front of Hazen, and now he's not replying to my texts.
Alchohal clogges my brain, and Kaitlyn is taking about teeth.
Hmm skinny dipping in the hottub ??
It makes it things different. Makes things crazy. Makes you tell people not stuff you don't mean but stuff that you otherwise wouldn't have the courage to tell them.
I'm currently at Kaitlyn's dad's cabin.
And drunk.
She's on the phone w/ Lee, which she shouldn't be.
I've embarrased myself in front of Hazen, and now he's not replying to my texts.
Alchohal clogges my brain, and Kaitlyn is taking about teeth.
Hmm skinny dipping in the hottub ??
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Don't fall asleep, they'll find us here. I know a place to dissapear
Today I didn't do much, painted downstairs and went to work. That's about it.
I felt ill today, which really sucks. Ill in 3 different kind of ways, w/ a headache.
Fuck you Tom, don't you know it's impolite to arrive a week early ?
I tried to call in sick for work, after throwing up, but no dice. When you've only got 2 chances for people to cover your shift it's often hard to do. Alex & Will, busy and never answers they're phone. fucker.
Work wasn't too bad, really busy and I felt a bit better by that time. Today was all about the room, I'm currently working on painting the shelves which is a bitch. makes me want to give up.
When I got off work I stopped by Hazen's to bring him some food (Seafood Linguini Alfredo) but he was asleep. His dad and I 007ed it into his room, only to find him curled up on top of his blankets in a ball using his hands as pillows. It was freaking adorable.
Well t'was an uneventful day, but I'm still exhausted. Being sick does that to you.
G'night !
I felt ill today, which really sucks. Ill in 3 different kind of ways, w/ a headache.
Fuck you Tom, don't you know it's impolite to arrive a week early ?
I tried to call in sick for work, after throwing up, but no dice. When you've only got 2 chances for people to cover your shift it's often hard to do. Alex & Will, busy and never answers they're phone. fucker.
Work wasn't too bad, really busy and I felt a bit better by that time. Today was all about the room, I'm currently working on painting the shelves which is a bitch. makes me want to give up.
When I got off work I stopped by Hazen's to bring him some food (Seafood Linguini Alfredo) but he was asleep. His dad and I 007ed it into his room, only to find him curled up on top of his blankets in a ball using his hands as pillows. It was freaking adorable.
Well t'was an uneventful day, but I'm still exhausted. Being sick does that to you.
G'night !
Saturday, August 8, 2009
"Spiders ? I hate spiders. Why can't we follow the butterflies ?"
The other night I lay in bed, feeling insecure. I was (am) having trouble sleeping and was thinking over Markus's, thinking over the matirialistic side of it. Thinking of what Hazen said he was going to wear, and what I want to wear. My insecurity was talking me out of my fabulous outfit b/c of how dressed up I would look next to him... when suddenly a strong voice said;
"Life is short, wear the fucking outfit"
So I am. I don't care, I look damn hot in it and I'm going to wear it. Life is short, and you can change the ending of the quote for pretty much anything but the point of it all is... do it now or else you're going to wake up one day and be like "fuck, I've wasted my life"
When I woke up this morning I was angry. Babysitting alone then going to work. I was absolutely exhausted and absolutely un-willing to give the day a chance.
Well, the universe slapped me in the face on that one.
2 things happened today that stuck w/ me... both happened while the boys & I were in the pool @ SEAPARC...
1. I was sitting in the hot tub, watching the boys and the few other people in the pool. Next to the hot tub there is a shower for people to rinse off, and an old man began to do so. I would guess he was about 70 or so, and still quite spry. As he was rinsing off he began to dance. Not just rock back and forth, but he began to dance. There was nothing gross or innapropriate about it but there in the middle of a public pool at age 70, or so, this man began to dance.
2. We were goofing around in the whirlpool when a family came in. It consisted of a very young baby girl who is one of the cutest babies I've seen, a young boy about 5 w/ blonde hair and startling blue eyes and an amazing laugh. The parents ? 2 middle aged men, who were very much in love. I watched this family splash and play in the water and just the amount of love was so obvious in this little unit it made me want to cry. The old man dancing, and the gay couple fullfilling their dreams all in a public manner just made me realize how far we've come.
It gives me a little hope that we'll continue to grow, and it reminded me to give every day a fighting chance.
"Life is short, wear the fucking outfit"
So I am. I don't care, I look damn hot in it and I'm going to wear it. Life is short, and you can change the ending of the quote for pretty much anything but the point of it all is... do it now or else you're going to wake up one day and be like "fuck, I've wasted my life"
When I woke up this morning I was angry. Babysitting alone then going to work. I was absolutely exhausted and absolutely un-willing to give the day a chance.
Well, the universe slapped me in the face on that one.
2 things happened today that stuck w/ me... both happened while the boys & I were in the pool @ SEAPARC...
1. I was sitting in the hot tub, watching the boys and the few other people in the pool. Next to the hot tub there is a shower for people to rinse off, and an old man began to do so. I would guess he was about 70 or so, and still quite spry. As he was rinsing off he began to dance. Not just rock back and forth, but he began to dance. There was nothing gross or innapropriate about it but there in the middle of a public pool at age 70, or so, this man began to dance.
2. We were goofing around in the whirlpool when a family came in. It consisted of a very young baby girl who is one of the cutest babies I've seen, a young boy about 5 w/ blonde hair and startling blue eyes and an amazing laugh. The parents ? 2 middle aged men, who were very much in love. I watched this family splash and play in the water and just the amount of love was so obvious in this little unit it made me want to cry. The old man dancing, and the gay couple fullfilling their dreams all in a public manner just made me realize how far we've come.
It gives me a little hope that we'll continue to grow, and it reminded me to give every day a fighting chance.
Friday, August 7, 2009
don't spend your life waiting to live
So today Hazen and I dragged our sorry asses out of bed early and went ziplining ! It was a lot of fun, but I was a little dissapointed. Do you ever have the feeling that you're faking it all ? Like not to the world, but to yourself ? Like you can no longer feel a full range of emotions but instead of admitting it to yourself you just insert them b/c you've felt them before so you know how to create them... but then you're creating them not just feeling them.
Anywho, for those of you who aren't stunted like me ziplining would be great ! It's really not as extreme as I thought it would be, well except for one zip. Definetly worth it though, although Hazen was sick =[
That poor boy, he seems to get sick a lot. Well Damien gets sick a lot, then passes it along to Hazen... who you'd think would give it to me but it doesn't work that way. I don't get sick from him, not even mono. Today after ziplining we went back to his place and his mom unceremoniously left us alone. She left at 1215 and didn't return 'till about 5, although Dean came home at about 3. Anyways, after she left we were responsable little 'uns and watched Space Balls w/ Damien & Madeleine. Hazen curled up in my arms, usually I curl up in his but when he's sick we switch.
After the movie we went downstairs, and settled in to the couch in the office/computer room/woodstove room. Hazen was deteriorating fast, so we just cuddled on the couch. As we cuddled I could see his eyelids drooping so before he full-pull fell asleep I got up and grabbed the 1st Harry Potter book from his room. I began to read and we cuddled, w/in minutes he was fast asleep. It was so adorable, it felt amazing to cradle him in my arms while he slept soundly. I lost myself in the world of Harry Potter but not as much as usual... reality was just too good to leave completely behind.
After about 20 or 30 minutes he awoke, and his dad drove me home and took him to work. The poor thing will be coughin' all over the dishes. I hope he's doing okay.
When I got home I headed downstairs and I've painted the main wall in my brother's old room. I'm really enjoying having a project, 2 actually. I also started a new page in my scrap book.
Well the paint is most likely dry enough for a 2nd coat now so I shall run along, and embelish in the creativity !
Anywho, for those of you who aren't stunted like me ziplining would be great ! It's really not as extreme as I thought it would be, well except for one zip. Definetly worth it though, although Hazen was sick =[
That poor boy, he seems to get sick a lot. Well Damien gets sick a lot, then passes it along to Hazen... who you'd think would give it to me but it doesn't work that way. I don't get sick from him, not even mono. Today after ziplining we went back to his place and his mom unceremoniously left us alone. She left at 1215 and didn't return 'till about 5, although Dean came home at about 3. Anyways, after she left we were responsable little 'uns and watched Space Balls w/ Damien & Madeleine. Hazen curled up in my arms, usually I curl up in his but when he's sick we switch.
After the movie we went downstairs, and settled in to the couch in the office/computer room/woodstove room. Hazen was deteriorating fast, so we just cuddled on the couch. As we cuddled I could see his eyelids drooping so before he full-pull fell asleep I got up and grabbed the 1st Harry Potter book from his room. I began to read and we cuddled, w/in minutes he was fast asleep. It was so adorable, it felt amazing to cradle him in my arms while he slept soundly. I lost myself in the world of Harry Potter but not as much as usual... reality was just too good to leave completely behind.
After about 20 or 30 minutes he awoke, and his dad drove me home and took him to work. The poor thing will be coughin' all over the dishes. I hope he's doing okay.
When I got home I headed downstairs and I've painted the main wall in my brother's old room. I'm really enjoying having a project, 2 actually. I also started a new page in my scrap book.
Well the paint is most likely dry enough for a 2nd coat now so I shall run along, and embelish in the creativity !
Thursday, August 6, 2009
just smile innocently
Today I took Madeleine into town =]
I showed up at Hazen' s house about 1215, him, James and Katie were jamming downstairs but I just snuck upstairs... covered by the horrid noise of James singing. When I finally stuck my head in the door the only thing James and Kate said to me was "you look different. Like older or something." "Yeah you look different". Thanks guys.
Then Charmaine drove Madeleine and I to the bus, we sat in the second to front seat of the double decker b/c Maddy hadn't even been on a double-decker bus before. We saw G Force, which was actually a good movie. I thought it was going to be horrid, but Madeleine wanted to see it to so off we went... but I actually liked it. Then we did some shopping, and had dinner at Romeo's.
The day went well, I think Madeleine had a good time but I'm not sure. It was kind of hard to keep the conversation going at points but overall I think it was a good day. I hope she doesn't hate me now ! I really can't tell, but I really hope she had a good time b/c Hazen and his family mean a lot to me.
Hazen's sick, which sucks. I'll take care of him... as always =]
I like taking care of him, mono has given me a lot of opportunities for that one. Hopefully he's feeling a bit better in the morning because...
WE'RE GOING ZIPLING !!
oh... and after shopping today I just might have an outfit for Markus's !
I showed up at Hazen' s house about 1215, him, James and Katie were jamming downstairs but I just snuck upstairs... covered by the horrid noise of James singing. When I finally stuck my head in the door the only thing James and Kate said to me was "you look different. Like older or something." "Yeah you look different". Thanks guys.
Then Charmaine drove Madeleine and I to the bus, we sat in the second to front seat of the double decker b/c Maddy hadn't even been on a double-decker bus before. We saw G Force, which was actually a good movie. I thought it was going to be horrid, but Madeleine wanted to see it to so off we went... but I actually liked it. Then we did some shopping, and had dinner at Romeo's.
The day went well, I think Madeleine had a good time but I'm not sure. It was kind of hard to keep the conversation going at points but overall I think it was a good day. I hope she doesn't hate me now ! I really can't tell, but I really hope she had a good time b/c Hazen and his family mean a lot to me.
Hazen's sick, which sucks. I'll take care of him... as always =]
I like taking care of him, mono has given me a lot of opportunities for that one. Hopefully he's feeling a bit better in the morning because...
WE'RE GOING ZIPLING !!
oh... and after shopping today I just might have an outfit for Markus's !
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
An Ending.
Today I got up, and scrapbooked a double-page. The "Shaelee Elizabeth" page, complete w/ all our old notes that I've saved. I'm really enjoying my scrapbooking, it's something quiet that I can do and it's saving my memories and making sure they don't get damaged. I also enjoy the creativity, the ability to create something.
When you open my jumbo-scrapbook, compliments of Wal-Mart, the first page is dedicated to the musical Grease that we put on last year, then you flip the page and the next 2 continue to display the lives of performers... including a poster given to me by a fan ;)
Then you continue to flip and you find the Shaelee Elizabeth spread, old notes, old quotes and old laughs.
Once I finished my page my mom and I headed downstairs to start working on my brother's room. We started at 10 and finished at 3, w/ a stop in the middle to run into Sooke for paint & subway. It was hard work, and only for that room would I do it. I want that room, I'm not sure why but I've got a special attachment to that room... even though I've never inhabited it. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling that me, and only me, can make this room great.
Sorting through my brother's possesions w/ my mom was sad and conflicting for me. We threw out a lot of garbage and mould but we've kept all of his things. My mother refusing to be blamed for the loss of something and me just refusing to let him go. She found a sick pleasure in going through this things, tossing them about on her whim I'm sure. I felt it was a bit of an invasion of privacy, even though he's gone through and picked what he wants and left the rest up to us.
Cleaning out the room and begining to paint it was the first step in making it into the room for the exchange students, but it was also the first step to getting my brother out of that room. My parents want him gone, but I don't. I felt like a conspirator in the plot to rid the house of him. I refuse to let go, I refuse to hate him as my mother does.
I know that cleaning out the room, and making it hopefully eventually mine isn't kicking him out... just moving him upstairs. It still scares me, any shift in our fragile existance. I doubt anyone knows how I feel, I don't know anyone who lives w/ and loves half-siblings that they haven't known all their life. Maybe you have half-siblings, but don't see them very often. You know they're there but it doesn't matter too much... especially when you're the one your parents left them for instead of the other way around. You're the current family, not the one left behind.
Now when I think of Andrew I know I love him, and I want him in my life 'till the end but I don't have that confidence that you might have when you think of your full siblings, or even half-siblings that you've grown up w/. I don't have memories of us when we were little. I don't have scars from when we climbed our first tree. I don't have the bonds that make living w/out each other seem impossible. For my it seems very possible.
I know cleaning out the room is a good thing, a small thing that I've created into some sort of metaphor for something to come. It's not. It's a good thing, fixing up the room so eventually it can be mine. He's still here, I still love him.
After cleaning out the room, I took a bath to try and calm myself. Also to try and get the paint off me and the paint thinner out of my pores. Then I went to work, feeling like I really DIDN'T want to work. The fact that Carrie (ex-manager until she quit, but still does a shift from time to time), Debbie (current manager, and the glue that keeps the place together) and Patrick (our owner, and one all-around guy) were working didn't help. Also Aaron wasn't working which sucked, it's nice to have a friend around. It was slow so I got to go home early, after Patrick asked me if I'd like to start babysitting for him. How was I supposed to say no ?
When I got home I pulled apart my closet, and I think i know what I'm going to wear to Markus's !!!!!!!!! I'm soooooooooo excited !! The thought of Markus's keeps me smilin' no matter what I'm doin, well... it's really just the thought of Hazen. He keeps me smilin'.
My outfit's almost ready, I just need a belt. A belt, no not a belt but the belt. Maybe I'll find it when I go shopping w/ Hazen's little sister Madeleine tomorrow. I'm taking her out for a girl's day, complete w/ a movie, dinner and shopping !
When you open my jumbo-scrapbook, compliments of Wal-Mart, the first page is dedicated to the musical Grease that we put on last year, then you flip the page and the next 2 continue to display the lives of performers... including a poster given to me by a fan ;)
Then you continue to flip and you find the Shaelee Elizabeth spread, old notes, old quotes and old laughs.
Once I finished my page my mom and I headed downstairs to start working on my brother's room. We started at 10 and finished at 3, w/ a stop in the middle to run into Sooke for paint & subway. It was hard work, and only for that room would I do it. I want that room, I'm not sure why but I've got a special attachment to that room... even though I've never inhabited it. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling that me, and only me, can make this room great.
Sorting through my brother's possesions w/ my mom was sad and conflicting for me. We threw out a lot of garbage and mould but we've kept all of his things. My mother refusing to be blamed for the loss of something and me just refusing to let him go. She found a sick pleasure in going through this things, tossing them about on her whim I'm sure. I felt it was a bit of an invasion of privacy, even though he's gone through and picked what he wants and left the rest up to us.
Cleaning out the room and begining to paint it was the first step in making it into the room for the exchange students, but it was also the first step to getting my brother out of that room. My parents want him gone, but I don't. I felt like a conspirator in the plot to rid the house of him. I refuse to let go, I refuse to hate him as my mother does.
I know that cleaning out the room, and making it hopefully eventually mine isn't kicking him out... just moving him upstairs. It still scares me, any shift in our fragile existance. I doubt anyone knows how I feel, I don't know anyone who lives w/ and loves half-siblings that they haven't known all their life. Maybe you have half-siblings, but don't see them very often. You know they're there but it doesn't matter too much... especially when you're the one your parents left them for instead of the other way around. You're the current family, not the one left behind.
Now when I think of Andrew I know I love him, and I want him in my life 'till the end but I don't have that confidence that you might have when you think of your full siblings, or even half-siblings that you've grown up w/. I don't have memories of us when we were little. I don't have scars from when we climbed our first tree. I don't have the bonds that make living w/out each other seem impossible. For my it seems very possible.
I know cleaning out the room is a good thing, a small thing that I've created into some sort of metaphor for something to come. It's not. It's a good thing, fixing up the room so eventually it can be mine. He's still here, I still love him.
After cleaning out the room, I took a bath to try and calm myself. Also to try and get the paint off me and the paint thinner out of my pores. Then I went to work, feeling like I really DIDN'T want to work. The fact that Carrie (ex-manager until she quit, but still does a shift from time to time), Debbie (current manager, and the glue that keeps the place together) and Patrick (our owner, and one all-around guy) were working didn't help. Also Aaron wasn't working which sucked, it's nice to have a friend around. It was slow so I got to go home early, after Patrick asked me if I'd like to start babysitting for him. How was I supposed to say no ?
When I got home I pulled apart my closet, and I think i know what I'm going to wear to Markus's !!!!!!!!! I'm soooooooooo excited !! The thought of Markus's keeps me smilin' no matter what I'm doin, well... it's really just the thought of Hazen. He keeps me smilin'.
My outfit's almost ready, I just need a belt. A belt, no not a belt but the belt. Maybe I'll find it when I go shopping w/ Hazen's little sister Madeleine tomorrow. I'm taking her out for a girl's day, complete w/ a movie, dinner and shopping !
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
"every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball"
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
Sorry everyone, I don't mean to bragg but...
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
In case you're not lucky enough to have your phone number start with 642 therefore you don't know what Markus' Wharfside Restaurant is here's a re-cap.
MWR is one of Sooke's two 5 star restaurants, joined by the Harbour House. Markus' is owned and run by ... you gussed it ! Markus (and his wife Tatum) ! It's a small intimate restaurant that costs a pretty penny as the views are amazing, the food orgasmic and the service extrodinary.
My most darling Hazen happens to work at said paradise and gets to eat and socialize there weekly. Now it's been a fantasy of mine to go to MWR for a while now, and it's coming true !
Next Wednesday Hazen and I will have been dating for 9 months. 9 whole months !!! That's my longest relationship to date, and I believe his as well. Now I can't believe how happy I am, not just that we're going to MWR but how happy I am w/ him. We spent the day together, being extremely goofy the entire time. The weather wasn't as warm as usual, but I had my own portable sun and I couldn't help but smile the entire time.
Today was great, and sitting here blogging I can't help but to smile even w/ the fatigue that pulls at my lips b/c ....
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
Sorry everyone, I don't mean to bragg but...
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
In case you're not lucky enough to have your phone number start with 642 therefore you don't know what Markus' Wharfside Restaurant is here's a re-cap.
MWR is one of Sooke's two 5 star restaurants, joined by the Harbour House. Markus' is owned and run by ... you gussed it ! Markus (and his wife Tatum) ! It's a small intimate restaurant that costs a pretty penny as the views are amazing, the food orgasmic and the service extrodinary.
My most darling Hazen happens to work at said paradise and gets to eat and socialize there weekly. Now it's been a fantasy of mine to go to MWR for a while now, and it's coming true !
Next Wednesday Hazen and I will have been dating for 9 months. 9 whole months !!! That's my longest relationship to date, and I believe his as well. Now I can't believe how happy I am, not just that we're going to MWR but how happy I am w/ him. We spent the day together, being extremely goofy the entire time. The weather wasn't as warm as usual, but I had my own portable sun and I couldn't help but smile the entire time.
Today was great, and sitting here blogging I can't help but to smile even w/ the fatigue that pulls at my lips b/c ....
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
WE'RE GOING TO MARKUS'S !
yaaaaaaaaaaaawn ;; streeeetchh
good morning !
Sooo yesterday...
got up, and scapbooked !! It was nice, I completed my first page in my new jumb0 scrap book. It's filled w/ pictures from last year's production of Grease ! It was kind of annoying though b/c I knew I had to go to work which put a deadline on my creativity which sucked. Eventually I scrambled to finish and got the page done, and started getting ready. I used some of my new clothes to make a fabulous outfit for work and jumped on the motor bike w/ my dad and screamed into work.
I can't wait until next year when I can get my motorcycle's license, but first I have to learn how to ride a motor bike ! Something my dad promised to teach me this summer, a promise I bullied him into on the pretext of him not getting me anything for my birthday. We'll see if it happens, but one way or an other I'm getting my motorcycle's license next June.
Once I got to work, it was EXTREMELY BUSY. It was soooo busy ! Like a fucking GONG SHOW. But Laura, Debbie, the new girl Shannon and I rocked that shit. When ever it's super busy and things work out only one word comes to my mind. ROCKSTAR.
Alex called and I ended up working a double shift. 1230 - 930 but it was good ! Made lots of money, $75 on my paycheck and $30 tips.
I'm officially out of debt to my mother, my camera is mine ! It took me 1 month and 2 days to pay off $215. WOOT ! So now I'm out of debt and tomorrow am going to get a kick ass pay check =]
I liked working yesterday, it was a good day at the restaurant. I don't mind work, I like it even... as long as it's busy. When you're just waiting around it fucking sucks. Anywhooo ... I was surprised yesterday at how happy I was. The entire day, I felt great. Makin $$, workin hard and bickering w/ Erin & Adam, gotta love those guys. And Laura's great too =]
Well now I need to figure out what I'm going to do today, hopefully see Hazen. I miss him, it's been a few days !
Sooo yesterday...
got up, and scapbooked !! It was nice, I completed my first page in my new jumb0 scrap book. It's filled w/ pictures from last year's production of Grease ! It was kind of annoying though b/c I knew I had to go to work which put a deadline on my creativity which sucked. Eventually I scrambled to finish and got the page done, and started getting ready. I used some of my new clothes to make a fabulous outfit for work and jumped on the motor bike w/ my dad and screamed into work.
I can't wait until next year when I can get my motorcycle's license, but first I have to learn how to ride a motor bike ! Something my dad promised to teach me this summer, a promise I bullied him into on the pretext of him not getting me anything for my birthday. We'll see if it happens, but one way or an other I'm getting my motorcycle's license next June.
Once I got to work, it was EXTREMELY BUSY. It was soooo busy ! Like a fucking GONG SHOW. But Laura, Debbie, the new girl Shannon and I rocked that shit. When ever it's super busy and things work out only one word comes to my mind. ROCKSTAR.
Alex called and I ended up working a double shift. 1230 - 930 but it was good ! Made lots of money, $75 on my paycheck and $30 tips.
I'm officially out of debt to my mother, my camera is mine ! It took me 1 month and 2 days to pay off $215. WOOT ! So now I'm out of debt and tomorrow am going to get a kick ass pay check =]
I liked working yesterday, it was a good day at the restaurant. I don't mind work, I like it even... as long as it's busy. When you're just waiting around it fucking sucks. Anywhooo ... I was surprised yesterday at how happy I was. The entire day, I felt great. Makin $$, workin hard and bickering w/ Erin & Adam, gotta love those guys. And Laura's great too =]
Well now I need to figure out what I'm going to do today, hopefully see Hazen. I miss him, it's been a few days !
Sunday, August 2, 2009
"eew now you're going to be all sticky"
Today was a good day. Got up, blogged. Made an aaamazing breakfast bagel/sandwhich... showered then headed into town w/ me mumsie ! It was really nice to spend some time w/ her, for once it didn't feel like we were just pretending to like each other. Between my brother and my grama and hazen and friends and my dad and my great aunt and so many other things we haven't seen a lot of each other and a day in town was nice. 
Black Flats !
White & Black Plaid Flats !
Yellow Belt 
White Belt 
Red & White Belt
My mum and I spent the afternoon in Wal-Mart, which I hate... Wal-Mart that is, not spending time with my mum. I twittered "Oh Wal-Mart, you're a sadistic bitch but your cheap price get my broke ass everytime".
I got some new yoga pants, a black t-shirt w/ over long vest, a new dress, a pair of black twisted flats, a pair of black and white plaid flats aaaaaaaaand some Cheddar Ritz Chips. The Ritz Chips are the best part ! Oh ! and I also got some AAAAAWESOME belts, for $5 each !
Then I came back to lil 'ol Sooke and went to work. Had a good shift, and made some progress w/ my boss =] feeling really good about my job. Then after work Hazen met me up Sooke and we grabbed some icecream, hence the title, then walked back to his house... he showed me his new wetsuit which he bought from a co-worker of mine. My mom showed up and we passed along some pictures from the art show, I declined Charmaine's invitation to MyChosen Cafe tomorrow b/c I have to work, then asked her if I could take Madeliene out for a movie. His parents litterally gasped.
And now I'm home, and really want to read my book !
Black Flats !
White & Black Plaid Flats !
Yellow Belt 
White Belt 
Red & White Belt The others you'll have to see another time, there just isn't enough light in my room !
Now the world of the Rupununi River calls me =]
"No, words are free"
aaallrighty. so last night by the time I got close to a computer I was waay too tired to blog. Seems I'm exhausted a mighty bunch these days.
Yesterday.
Well on Friday I left my phone at the Art Show, now I have a tendency to lose my expensive electronics that I save up for and pay for myself. This for me is a tragedy, and it happens a lot. I feel like a massive failure when I lose something I worked so hard to get, usually b/c it easily could've been prevented. So anyways, Friday night I find out I don't have my phone (after I blogged) and get extremely upset, also doing to the fact that I haven't been sleeping well lately. So I go to bed, sleep on it... it'll get better that sort of thing. Well that backfired.
I woke up yesterday morning at 7 and almost cried. I laid in my bed for about 20 minutes just feeling helpless and like there was no way I could get up and face this stupid day.
Eventually I did, I went from my bed to the shower, slamming doors as I went. When I reached the shower I couldn't help but to believe... I never thought I'd get here. Then as soon as I was dressed Hazen walked in the door, smiling. I just walked up and hugged him, still feeling rotten. Then we got a ride up to Barb's w/ my dad, and began to babysit ! It was actually fine, because Stephen and his friend were there and the 26 year olds made our job a lot easier. The kids practicly ignored us =]
Then we jumped in my dad's vehicle and got a ride to the skate board park, where we hung for about 2 hours.
It wasn't too warm, actually the wind was kind of cold and the kids got bored of the empty park after about 20 minutes, but we stuck through and it was actually a good morning. We goofed off, Hazen pulling my on Cale's skateboard... me almost falling still. We ate the lunch I'd packed, all suffering through the mom-enforced organic peanut butter. Then we walked to Stone Pipe.
Hazen, Cale and Dalton got some icecream and I started work, they ate it slow... wasting as much time as possible. Then they headed off to the park for 15 minutes, need it to be 2!
Now usually I wouldn't cover my shift but I'm going too. There's a new waitress, Rachel who as soon as I got there started to get "sick". She sat down and "fainted" pretty unconvincingly. Laura (the other waitress who was bruised from head to toe from a previous night's car crash) and I just told her to go, we'd handle it. We all thought it would be fine, we weren't very busy. Almost as soon as Rachel left we got slammed. Laura and I both waitressed and bussed, running/making rood. We were basicly blowing that shit up. Fucking rockstars.
The slam lasted longer than usual and at 4 o'clock Meagan walked into the slowing of a frenzy. I was able to sign out, exhausted, at 445 and then waited for Laura to figure out tips. B/c I was waitressing as well and ultimately doing most of the work b/c of Laura's injured back I walked away with $55 worth of tips. $55 in 3.25 hours, as well as my salary @ 9$ an hour. Fuck yeah.
Now lately I've been feeling really frusterated, but "going for a run" couldn't help b/c I felt to down and out. I needed some other form of hard work which I just wasn't getting from work these days b/c it's been so slow. But I got it, and at the end of the shift I felt exhausted but amazing.
Then I went to Hazen's, we had a great dinner and Charmaine invited me to brunch w/ them on Monday @ the MyChosen Cafe !! Then we watched Fool's Gold, Hazen and I being extremely goofy and most likely annoying Damien. I headed home 'round 9, and was asleep by 10.
Then I woke up this monring at 11. 13 hours of sleep and I'm feelin much better !
Just milling around the house today, then work tonight =]
Yesterday.
Well on Friday I left my phone at the Art Show, now I have a tendency to lose my expensive electronics that I save up for and pay for myself. This for me is a tragedy, and it happens a lot. I feel like a massive failure when I lose something I worked so hard to get, usually b/c it easily could've been prevented. So anyways, Friday night I find out I don't have my phone (after I blogged) and get extremely upset, also doing to the fact that I haven't been sleeping well lately. So I go to bed, sleep on it... it'll get better that sort of thing. Well that backfired.
I woke up yesterday morning at 7 and almost cried. I laid in my bed for about 20 minutes just feeling helpless and like there was no way I could get up and face this stupid day.
Eventually I did, I went from my bed to the shower, slamming doors as I went. When I reached the shower I couldn't help but to believe... I never thought I'd get here. Then as soon as I was dressed Hazen walked in the door, smiling. I just walked up and hugged him, still feeling rotten. Then we got a ride up to Barb's w/ my dad, and began to babysit ! It was actually fine, because Stephen and his friend were there and the 26 year olds made our job a lot easier. The kids practicly ignored us =]
Then we jumped in my dad's vehicle and got a ride to the skate board park, where we hung for about 2 hours.
It wasn't too warm, actually the wind was kind of cold and the kids got bored of the empty park after about 20 minutes, but we stuck through and it was actually a good morning. We goofed off, Hazen pulling my on Cale's skateboard... me almost falling still. We ate the lunch I'd packed, all suffering through the mom-enforced organic peanut butter. Then we walked to Stone Pipe.
Hazen, Cale and Dalton got some icecream and I started work, they ate it slow... wasting as much time as possible. Then they headed off to the park for 15 minutes, need it to be 2!
Now usually I wouldn't cover my shift but I'm going too. There's a new waitress, Rachel who as soon as I got there started to get "sick". She sat down and "fainted" pretty unconvincingly. Laura (the other waitress who was bruised from head to toe from a previous night's car crash) and I just told her to go, we'd handle it. We all thought it would be fine, we weren't very busy. Almost as soon as Rachel left we got slammed. Laura and I both waitressed and bussed, running/making rood. We were basicly blowing that shit up. Fucking rockstars.
The slam lasted longer than usual and at 4 o'clock Meagan walked into the slowing of a frenzy. I was able to sign out, exhausted, at 445 and then waited for Laura to figure out tips. B/c I was waitressing as well and ultimately doing most of the work b/c of Laura's injured back I walked away with $55 worth of tips. $55 in 3.25 hours, as well as my salary @ 9$ an hour. Fuck yeah.
Now lately I've been feeling really frusterated, but "going for a run" couldn't help b/c I felt to down and out. I needed some other form of hard work which I just wasn't getting from work these days b/c it's been so slow. But I got it, and at the end of the shift I felt exhausted but amazing.
Then I went to Hazen's, we had a great dinner and Charmaine invited me to brunch w/ them on Monday @ the MyChosen Cafe !! Then we watched Fool's Gold, Hazen and I being extremely goofy and most likely annoying Damien. I headed home 'round 9, and was asleep by 10.
Then I woke up this monring at 11. 13 hours of sleep and I'm feelin much better !
Just milling around the house today, then work tonight =]
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