sleep ? yes please.

I'm exhausted, and therefor shallow. I really shouldn't blog, I should just go to bed. My mouth hurts, my room smells and we're out of fucking bananas. The latter being b/c my grama is on a new spree of only eating bananas, grilled cheese and icecream.
The Art Show was good, I enjoyed myself. I'm pree dissapointed in the 12 or so people who said they were coming... and didn't show. Thanks for the fucking support guys.
Hazen played amazingly, and I heard him sing for the first time. He was great, and according to Shaelee is "the next big Irish boy !"
Alyssa was great as well, belting out the lyrics to songs I don't like but the sound of her voice makes every teenage girl wish she was Alyssa... or atleast had her voice.
I'm hungry, and exhausted. They don't mix. I feel like crying, which is horrid.
Also I'm feeling very jealous. Shaelee is getting more piercings and Jessica Lampe is getting a tattoo, 2 things I desperately want but can't have b/c of my over-controling parents... who are gettng on my nerves. They treat me like crap, and tell me they don't want me around then half an hour later want to be best friends. Fucking choose one.
I'm going to bed now, I've got to be @ Barb's for 830 am to babysit until I have to work @ Stone Pipe for 130.
Great. Monsters for kids and gouches for customers.
Oh, and she hasn't phoned.
Thank fucking god for Hazen.

"we have to give 'em hope"

So last night after blogging away I went to bed, but not asleep. I journaled for a good 5 pages then pulled out the family laptop my dad bought but never uses. I rented Milk last night right, well it's a freaking amazing movie. That's what this post is dedicated too.

Harvey Milk

The first openly gay man to be elected to public office. Supervisor in San Fransico.

Now in the movie Mr. Milk is played by Sean Penn, but he does an amazing job. The movie covers the story of 9 years of Harvey's life, 40 - 49 as told by the man himself. It takes him from a closeted 39 year old man in New York who meets a young man in the subway... and take him home. From there dreams are born, of equality and openess. The movie flicks back and forth between Hollywood film ft. Sean Penn and footage from the 70's, where it was all happenin. The band of gay men who take a camera shop and turn it into the hub of the revolution. The love these men have for each other, and the single woman on the campaign is extrodinary. It's a truly eye-opening film that everyone should watch. It's not only a perspective enhanser but it's also just like a good movie.
Some of my favorite characters....

Anne Kronenburg

"I've been telling Harvey we need some hard ass dykes around here"

"well now you've got one"

Cleve Jones

"sorry old man but I'm leaving for Spain tomorrow,

Europe and all the money I need

is right here in my back pocket"

MILK.

RENT IT.

the crown falls from heads unworthy and right onto ours

Today was a good day, but I'm looking forward to tomorrow ! Today I spent the morning at Bekki's, a portion of the afternoon w/ Hazen up sooke, the rest of the afternoon at home cleaning my room, then off to work for 6. Work was good, makin money !!
Tomorrow I want to rise early, and head into Sooke on my bike. Hopefully see Hazen for a bit, then head to Shaelee's for a couple of hours before going to the Youth Night of the Art Show. This is a partly Youth Council event so I have to be manning it a little, I really hope that lots of people show up... although I kind of doubt they will. That's what happens when you try and get youth at an art show... oh well ! Hopefully it will work out !
I've got a "goody bag" to give to Shaelee, which I'm excited about. She's one of the best people to give gifts too because she reacts so enthusiasticly. I've sent her flowers, and brought her back clothes from foreign countries and she always reacts the way I imagine her too. She's perfect that way, and it makes me want to pamper her :P
The art show is something I'm particularly looking forward too, no matter how many people show up. I can't wait to see Hazen perform, when he's on stage and I'm watching it makes my heart swell w/ pride. I can't help but to smile from ear to ear, yeah that's right bitch. that's my man. His music speaks to me in ways that no others do, it connects to my hippie heart.
I'm off to watch Milk, a movie which no one else will watch w/ me. Am I the only one who likes documentary based films about gay politicians ?
Oh, and I've got some journaling to do =]

we aren't afraid of the dark, just the unknown

For many a town at night is a scary place, the thought of empty streets and thousands of hiding places sends chills down their spines. For others, it's freedom.
There are many reasons teens sneak out of the house, in the dead of night. Most of them are heading elsewhere, maybe to a party or a secret rendevouz. No matter their destination whether it be the bottom of a bottle or a lover's arms there is a pause which the night-goer experiences. A quiet time where they roam the streets, enroute.
I love being able to walk the streets of my local town in the middle of the night. I don't do it very often and when I do I'm usually heading for one place. Being able to walk in the middle of the road, at your own pace w/out having to worry about disturbing anyone or anyone mowing you down w/ their car is a very freeing feeling. It's safe and quiet, all the neighbouring houses are asleep but if you really needed them they would come to your rescue, they would protect you. But for now they stand as silent watch gaurds, their presence creating and keeping the danger at bay.
For some silent streets in the middle of the night is a scary prospect, one enough to keep you in your bed.
For me a town asleep is at my disposal and never do I feel more that I can wonder the world, and no one can stop me.
So if you like the freedom, of a world at peace becareful to tip-toe past the shut doors of authority and slip out the window into prosperity. Remember not to be careless, but the world isn't as scary as you think. The things that go bump in the night, are just teens running to each other's arms behind their parent's back.
No matter how much one enjoys the thrill of the sneak, the freedom of the peacefull snoozing or the enticement of their escapades, there is nothing like the feel of relief and triumph of returning to your bed... un-noticed.

ARG,

I've had just one of those days, I was grouchy before which you will know if you read my earlier blog, but today I have lost and found my camera and my phone. Also I've spent hours cleaning my room, during which
I got my hand stabbed in multiple places by the dried up carcass of a poisonous puffer fish.

I can still remember, the words and what they meant. As we etched them with our fingers in years of we cement

Have you ever thrown out something that at some point you could never have concieved you'd be able to live w/out ?

Over the past couple of days I've been cleaning out my room, empyting the shelves and taking the pictures off the walls. I feel like starting over, and my room needs a reno !

As I take the papers off the shelf, and the stuffies out from under the bed the memories that cling to them come rushing into my mind. Some I gently place in seperate bags, headed to a certain person's life and others I cast off into the garbage. Fast and furious, as if if I linger too long they will some how attatch themselves to my hand and I will never be able to get rid of them. The speed in which I tackle this project veries, sometimes speeding to a frenzy, in which one of the things I love reached out and stabbed me. The blood leaked out of my hand in 4 different spots and I knew I must slow down. Tough love from a sharp memory. It's hard to let go of your childhood, in many ways I already have. I can think of a specific moment when my childhood really ended, and it was the day we moved to my current house. I wasn't strong enough then to let go of the physical tokens of my past endeavors but now I feel I am. Instead of clutching on to them, hoping that if I squeeze hard enough they'll take me back to a happier better time I am going to send them on their way. They deserve a great parade, a send-off full of galantry ! Unfortunately I don't have a marching band, or a banner proclaiming how much they've helped me get to the point where I can let them go, so I'll just have to let the tears fall and hope they can recognize a moment where I couldn't have lived without them in every glistening drop.

the oldtime music plays in the background

At this very moment I'm feeling a bit grouchy. Like "no Mr.Cratchet, you can't have Christmas day off", that kind of grouchy.
I don't mean to bitch, but I've got to.
I've got an upwards of 30 + bug bites, which are not only enfuriatingly itchy but span across my body giving me the appearance of someone ridden with disease !
Both knees hurt. One is swollen and red, it's not too noticable. Like the kind of swollen and red that only the injured notice, or maybe those that pay close attention, so it's easier for everyone else to forget about it. And continue to knock it, sending pain coursing through the joint. The other is just a bit tender, only hurts when you push on it.
I want to cut my tongue out of my head. On Monday night while at the movies I bit it, hard with my back molars. Now my tongue is swollen and has been bleeding since Monday night. It hurts to do pretty much everything. It decreases my will to talk, and to eat. I really haven't been eating since Monday, it's now Wednesday. Also, the only way I can talk w/out too much pain is if I lift up my tongue, creating a lisp.
So now I'm a limping, also do to extremely sore muscles, heap of red spots that communicates with a lisp.
Also, she hasn't called. She said she'd call to create a further interview but she hasn't.
and now that I've bitched, I'm off to clean my fucking room.