SEAPARC

So my first shift went well ! 330 - 730 ; 5 hours ; $66
My knees hurt like hell, I fell on the ice instead of running over some little 7 year old punk who was endangering everybody w/ his skating. It's hard, to fall and get back up again... especially when you're staff.
I've only got one shift a week, which kind of sucks. I'm not the one w/ the least amount of hours though, so that's something to be grateful for. I'm sure as long as I work hard and make myself available my hours will increase. I'm just starting out new so I've got no senority, but that'll change.
I get into the drop in programs for free, which is a bonus. Maybe swimming some laps will be a bit easier. I need to work on my skating though, I don't want any kid to out-do me. I'm sure you're like "umm.. you're a skating instructor... shouldn't you be an amazing skater ?" yeah well you'd think so right ? but that's not the whole point of it, you just have got to be good w/ kids and you've got to be a good teacher.
Welcome to the SEAPARC team !

Once apon a time, I had a best friend.

Surfer Dude

So today I hung around the house, and watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy. I didn't do my homework, which I vowed I would do. I also went to Jordan River to watch Hazen surf.... twice.
It was my last shift at Stone Pipe tonight, which is kinda sad. I'm extremely tired so I'll keep it short, all I have to say is

I love the beach,

and my surfer boy.

Sittin at home, on a Friday night.

So I was supposed to get drunk w/ Shaelee tonight, but that fell through. So now I'm sitting at home blogging while she is getting wasted off my 2/6. FML.
Today I hung out w/ Hazen, some much neede time. We watched The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (only about 6 months over-due) and then goofed around for a while. It was good to catch up, I've been feeling very lost w/out him.
I'm looking forward to the Celtics game next weekend, I need to get drunk. I need to get out of my stupid house and be a teenager. All my friends are out livin it up and I'm sitting here thinking about things that aren't relevant.
Have you ever notice how many words are contractions ?

No Hair = Nair
Little Edge = Ledge
Not Ever = Never

Do you want the good news or the bad news first ?

Everyone always wants the fucking good news.

I'd prefer the bad.

The Good.

So on Monday I walked into Sooke with Tuzzi, it was great ! I walked along the road and found out that Tuzzi is most definely scared of cars but maybe he'll get over it =]

Then on Tuesday I biked into Sooke for my meeting, it was great !

I am really enjoying the physical activity, and the beautiful place that we live in. Here's my theory...

In order to be a whole and balanced person, you must use your body just as much as you use your mind.

So lately I've been crazy using my mind trying to achieve new things and trying to get things done. Going up and above expectations for my schoolwork in some subjects and trying my hardest only to fail in others. I've been stressing out about my life without any way to unleash it from my body... and then I walked into Sooke.
It was amazing, there are two moments that stick out for me. One when I came to a patch of the road that completely borders the ocean, like sometimes the road gets wet. I stood there and watched the water, it was so beautiful. The sky was orange in one corner and the rocks and trees were sillouhetted along with the spray. Then once I got into Sooke I was cutting through a trail which used to be a driveway, which used to lead up to the house that my dad grew up in. It was so astounding to stand next to my father's childhood home and look up at the stars as the bats flitted around me. I bet you he stood at that exact spot and watched those stars when he was my age.

I haven't walked or biked into Sooke today, or yesterday which sucks. I would really like too but I have other commitments. I will take a walk up to the lake tonight though, clear my thoughts. I'm so glad that I've found this way of just letting go, of just creating balance w/in myself. And hey, maybe I'll lose some weight too !

The Bad.

I know I bitch about this all the time but I truly do miss Hazen. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. For those who have broken up there is always the goal that one day you won't miss that person so much, the point is that you've got to move on, got to get better.

For people who are in a relationship there usually is no missing, you see that person a lot. You hold them in your arms and store their kisses in your pocket.

I'm in a relationship where I miss him so much, there is no moving on, there is no daily decline of the ache there is only the ache and the need. The addiction. I am not even considering breaking up w/ Hazen, which makes the missing so much harder. If I missed him b/c we were no longer together then I would slap myself up and tell myself to "be a man!"

The worst kind of missing is the kind when you know where they are, they're in the same building as you or maybe even the same room but you can't be w/ them the way you want to be. I miss so much lazy afternoons spent full of eachother. I miss making love, I miss the way we are when it's just the two of us. Honestly, I miss being alone w/ him.

I don't see any let up, we'll hang out tomorrow night (which I am looking forward too, drunken pool-ness w/ a bunch of mostly naked teens ? fuck yeah), then we had plans to go to Earth Dance, a hippie music fest night, which were only loosely made but he's got guests tomorrow night and I'm working tomorrow afternoon. Damn. On sunday we might see each other during the afternoon but he's surfing in the morning and I'm working Sunday night... my last shift at Stone Pipe ??

I miss his stupid self.