this is a whole new league of bad. flitting in and out, trying to think of everything and nothing at the same time. what if, what if, what if. Fuck. I just want to know, but then she arrives and I can't go to check. I cry into my pillow, I rush about as if I always have somwhere to be. I work myself to exhaustion, I ... I ... I... read blogg posts that fill me with anger because I know that he could never string together words about me the way she does about her. I fling myself into sleep only to be held back by a thread that I can't find to cut.

2 years later and I still can't look at him

I knew about what he had done over the summer.
I knew he was addicted now.
I warned her not to get back with him.
I struggled to hold on to our friendship when she did.
I was the one that stayed the knife in her hand when she found out he had slept with someone else.
I found it easier to forgive her.
I still can't look at him.

on this roller coaster ride, demons they be flyin by but I just wave and smile, killin 'em all with my happiness

don't worry guys,

I'm sure I'll be back eventually

You're only young once, and you can say that as much as you want, repeat it inside your head until it's a god damn religion, but until you tell your mind to shut the fuck up, walk over to the crowd of dancers or the empty space, and just start to move your body, you're old. you're old and dried up and dying.
let go, and dance.
just, shake it.

going to bed without you, just isn't the same.

i'm looking down at you from the bottom of my hole, how about you pass me a ladder, asshole?